Christine Porath - Mastering Community: The Surprising Ways Coming Together Moves Us from Surviving to Thriving

We yearn for connection. But we are disconnected. We find ourselves on platforms, not in communities. It doesnt help that many traditional sources of community have withered. In neighborhoods, kids may gather. Adults, not so much. Droves of people have stopped attending church. And far fewer people are going into a workplace. The very future of the workplace, and the sense of community we felt at work, is at risk.

Despite our deep desire to feel a sense of belonging, many of us struggle to feel a part of a team (or to find a team!). Were on the sidelines. Stuck. The more hours we log there, the tougher it feelsour confidence plummets, our will wanes, our sense of isolation increases. We languish. We break. We numb.

It doesnt have to be that way. We can move from surviving to thriving, together. Someone in my own family showed me how.

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In 2008, my brother Mike and his wife Sarah had a truly terrible, life-changing day. In the morning, a doctor informed them that their unborn child was missing a kidney and possibly other organs. That afternoon, they returned home to even more devastating news: their two-year-old daughter Annabel had a rare chromosome disorder, dup15q, and her mind would probably not develop beyond that of a five-year-old child.

Feeling lost, scared, and alone, Mike turned to Google. I wasnt prepared for this very rare disease that wed never heard of, he said. I didnt know how to parent a kid like this. Most of the guidance he found online was unhelpful. But then he clicked on a PDF file containing six stories from parents whose children experienced autism, thirty to forty seizures a day, and other disabilities. These were the most powerful stories Mike had ever read, and thats saying a lot given that he had worked as a journalist for ABC News, NBC News, and the New York Times. Containing joy and humor, they offered reason for hope. If these parents could cope with these disabilities and even find joy in the process, maybe Mike and his wife could do the same.

Mike grew more optimistic after he and his wife conquered another parenting challenge. Typically, children pick up food and other items by using their forefinger and thumbs in a pincher grasp. Annabel had trouble with this pincher grasp and couldnt pick up anything, including her favorite food. Mike and Sarah turned to therapists, doctors, and other pediatric specialists, and when nothing helped, Mike again resorted to Google. He posted the pincher grasp question on a message board, and the mother of a dup15q child replied with a solution. Mike and Sarah followed her directions, cutting two tiny holes in a sockone for Annabels forefinger, another for her thumband placed the sock-glove on her right hand. They put a normal sock on her left hand so she couldnt cheat and grasp an item using her two wrists. Every day at mealtime, Annabels parents equipped her with the sock-gloves and placed some delicious blueberries in her dining tray, knowing how irresistible she found them. Within a month, not only had Annabel activated her pincher graspshed mastered it!

Health solutions, Mike realized, can be simple, and the best ones often reflect lived experience rather than professional expertise. Family and friends are great, Mike told me, but people facing health challenges need a tribe. Instead of asking isolated questions on lone message boards, they need a network, a flesh-and-blood community, and an organized, moderated forum for discussion. He imagined a series of dinner parties, where a diverse mix of doctors, caregivers, researchers, and patients could convene in an intimate, comfortable setting to ask questions or simply seek support. Eventually these dinner parties would morph into something bigger and continuous, like a global network. Such a network had potential for global reach and impact. If well executed, he thought, it could even form a blueprint for the future of healthcare.