Ann Todd Jealous - Combined Destinies: Whites Sharing Grief about Racism

Covering multiple generations in the span of half a century of memories, Combined Destinies is an invaluable contribution to the oral history of the impact of racism on all Americans.

Derek Douglas, Vice President for Civic Engagement,
University of Chicago

The raw and honest stories in Combined Destinies are both heartbreaking and heartwarmingdevastating in their scope and specificity, but uplifting in demonstrating how people have overcome not only their own prejudices but also those of friends and family. There is much work yet to be done, and this book is a great start.

Katrina vanden Heuvel, editor and publisher of The Nation and author of
The Change I Believe In: Fighting for Progress in the Age of Obama

The stories in this collection are filled with compassion, honesty, and integrity. They challenge each reader to take a personal, intimate, and honest journey into his or her own past, thereby revising our understanding of the countrys past as well. This is a must read for anyone who cares about social justice and healing racism.

Cherie R. Brown, founder and executive director,
National Coalition Building Institute

To confront racism, to commit oneself to challenging the systemic racist conditioning to which we are all subject in the United States, is a lifes work. This book provides a rare vision for engaging in that lifetime of work with ourselves, each other, community, and society. Wherever you are on your journey in confronting racism, you will find this book to be a gift of love.

Rea Carey, executive director, National Gay and Lesbian Task Force

While this is a book about the power of racism on the lives of whites, it is also about the influence racism has on those whose lives are touched by and intersect with whitesit is about the impact of white grief on all of us. This book moved me to tears and left me feeling confident that when we create space for soul-revealing storytelling, we also create windows of opportunity to transform lives and reclaim souls from the damaging impacts of oppression.

Larry D. Roper, professor of ethnic studies and
vice provost for student affairs, Oregon State University

For all of us on the road to social change, we must first learn to walk on the bridge to a multicultural America. Combined Destinies is part of that path, excavating our pasts through personal accounts but also pointing forward.

Larry Cohen, president, Communications Workers of America

A must read for everyone searching for self-understanding, inspiration, and hope, this powerful book breaks our hesitant silence to talk about race. The gift that is this book invites truth telling, reflection, and learning with compassion and empathy.

Karen V. Hansen, professor of sociology and
womens and gender studies, Brandeis University

I am a Haitian American black male married to a Caucasian American woman, and we have two children. This books courageous and personal testimonials present powerful evidence that all of humanity, regardless of race or ethnicity, is victimized by racism. More important, the book demonstrates that many individuals have pursued a path that leads to a place of honesty, sharing, acceptance, and understanding.

Patrick Gaston, president of the Western Union Foundation,
former president of Gastal Networks LLC, and
past president of the Verizon Foundation

With grace, passion, and authenticity, Combined Destinies reveals the long-hidden story of how racism harms whites too. These stories, full of grief but also inspiration, show us how to heal the wounds that racism has caused.

James Forman Jr., clinical professor of law, Yale Law School

Elegantly interweaves the stories of contributors with the editors commentary, which provides perceptive and wise context.

Patrice Vecchione, author of Writing and the Spiritual Life:
Finding Your Voice by Looking Within

COMBINED DESTINIES

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WHITES SHARING GRIEF ABOUT RACISM

Ann Todd Jealous and Caroline T. Haskell, eds.

Foreword by
Julian Bond and Pam Horowitz

Copyright 2013 by Ann Todd Jealous and Caroline T. Haskell

Published in the United States by Potomac Books, Inc. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission from the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

Excerpts from Debra Busmans You Gotta Be Ready for Some Serious Truth to Be Spoken, an excerpt from Fire and Ink: An Anthology of Social Action Writing, eds. Frances Payne Adler, Debra Busman, and Diana Garcia (Tucson: University of Arizona Press, 2009), pages 36, originally published in Social Justice: Pedagogies for Social Change 29, no. 4 (2002): 15052. www.socialjusticejournal.org , reprinted by permission of the author and the University of Arizona Press.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Combined destinies : whites sharing grief about racism / Ann Todd Jealous and Caroline T. Haskell ; foreword by Julian Bond and Pam Horowitz.1st ed.

p. cm.

ISBN 978-1-61234-574-1 (hardcover : alk. paper)

ISBN 978-1-61234-575-8 (electronic)

1. RacismUnited StatesPsychological aspects. 2. United StatesRace relations Psychological aspects. 3. WhitesUnited StatesAttitudes. 4. Race awareness United States. I. Jealous, Ann Todd. II. Haskell, Caroline T.

E184.A1C573 2013

305.800973dc23

2012043851

Printed in the United States of America on acid-free paper that meets the American National Standards Institute Z39-48 Standard.

Potomac Books
22841 Quicksilver Drive
Dulles, Virginia 20166

First Edition

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

For our fathers with deep gratitude.
Their capacity for love far outweighed their social conditioning.

Racism is a negation of the deepest identity of the human
being, who is a person created in the image and likeness of God.

Pope John Paul, 1997

In order for us, black and white, to disenthrall ourselves from the
harshest slave master, racism, we must disinter our buried history.

Studs Terkel, 1992

We have gratitude for the clients, friends, and family members whose shared grief about racism and resistance to racist conditioning inspired this endeavor. We thank the contributors to this anthology for their courageous willingness to break through years of silence. Without their stories, this book could not have been written.

We are eternally grateful to Fred Jealous and Gary Fujii, whose unwavering support, encouragement, and love sustained us throughout the years we worked on this project. We are deeply appreciative of Mamie Todd and Virginia Wilder for their careful reading, maternal love, and certainty of the importance of this effort. We thank Lara Jealous who gave us invaluable feedback in the books initial stages and served as its midwife by introducing us to Dana Newman, our dedicated and hardworking agent to whom we are greatly indebted. Our thanks, also, to Fran Baca and Connie Bauer, whose feedback early on was very helpful. We are appreciative of Benjamin Jealouss consistent and valuable support. We are grateful for the innumerable friends who questioned us about this anthology. Each time we were able to talk about it was easier than the last.