Farr Kimberly - Disrupt aging : a bold new path to living your best life at every age

TO MY CHILDREN, CHRISTIAN AND NICOLE,

who inspire me to disrupt aging so they will be able to choose

how they want to live and age as they grow older.

Copyright 2016 by Jo Ann Jenkins

Published in the United States by PublicAffairs, a Member of the Perseus Books Group

All rights reserved.

Printed in the United States of America.

No part of this book may be reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews. For information, address PublicAffairs, 250 West 57th Street, 15th Floor, New York, NY 10107.

In Chapter 2, Larry Millers comedy routine, The Levels of Aging, is reprinted with permission from Larry Miller. In Chapter 5, the Milken Institute Report, Best Cities for Successful Aging, is cited with permission from the Milken Institute.

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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Names: Jenkins, Jo Ann, author.

Title: Disrupt aging: a bold new path to living your best life at every age / Jo Ann Jenkins, CEO, AARP with Boe Workman.

Description: First Edition. | New York: PublicAffairs, 2016. | Includes index.

Identifiers: LCCN 2016002025 (print) | LCCN 2016003527 (ebook) | ISBN 9781610396776 (ebook)

Subjects: LCSH: Older people. | Aging. | Older peopleSocieties and clubs. | Self-actualization (Psychology) in old age. | BISAC: FAMILY & RELATIONSHIPS / Aging. | SOCIAL SCIENCE / Gerontology. | SELF-HELP / Aging.

Classification: LCC HQ1061 .J46 2016 (print) | LCC HQ1061 (ebook) | DDC 305.26dc23

LC record available at http://lccn.loc.gov/2016002025

Editorial production by Marrathon Production Services. www.marrathon.net

Book design by Jane Raese

FIRST EDITION

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

CONTENTS

The idea of living a long life appeals to everyone,

but the idea of getting old doesnt appeal to anyone.

ANDY ROONEY

It wasnt just any birthdayit was my fiftieth birthday. And as my husband, Frank, and I entered the beautiful dining room of the Ritz-Carlton in Tysons Corner, Virginia, I was feeling a little impatient, even a bit on edge. I had left the dinner arrangements to Frank, something I normally dont do. The matre d led us through the dining room to a small table in the back. There was a bit of a mix-up with the reservation, he said, apologizing as he seated us at a small table near the entrance to the kitchen. Ill admit, I was annoyed. This is just great, I thought to myself. My husband brings me to this elegant hotel to celebrate my birthday, and were going to have to put up with all the banging from the kitchen and staff constantly pushing past. A few minutes later the matre d returned and said he had again made a mistake and was moving us to a separate room. By this point I had resigned myself to our culinary fate and was determined to just enjoy dinner with my husband, so we got up and followed him back through the restaurant into a different room. When the doors swung open, I was amazed and delighted to be greeted by about thirty of my dearest friends and colleagues. My daughter, Nicole, was there, and Frank had even arranged for our son, Christian, to come home from college to attend the celebration.

We had an absolutely wonderful time. As I sat there talking to my family and friends (who were all so proud of themselves for keeping the secret from me), I thought to myself, Life doesnt get any better than this.

Then I started opening my birthday cards.

Happy 50thYoure now officially over the hill!

and

Welcome to the Over the Hill GangHappy 50th Birthday!

and

Think of it this way: youre not losing ityoure just not using it as often.

and

Turning 50Dont worry: Youve still got it. So what if you cant remember where it is? Happy 50th Birthday!

At first I didnt think much about it. These cards are part of the ritual of turning fifty, right? We make fun of peoples age, call them old. Its all done in a spirit of fun and adoration... isnt it? It is, of course, but still, I couldnt help but feel uneasy in that momentand for days after. I felt really good about turning fifty, celebrating with my friends, and being happy about where I was in life. But when I read those cards it occurred to me that hidden within them was a not-so-subtle cultural ethos that didnt fit at all with what Iand most of my contemporariesfelt. I didnt feel old. I wasnt over the hill; I was on top of the mountain. I liked being there and planned on enjoying it for a while. In fact, I was already beginning to think about what mountain I might climb next. And I knew that I wasnt the only one who felt like that. In fact, as I thought about the people who were in the room celebrating my birthday with me, I could identify many who had long ago passed their fiftieth birthdays and were achieving great thingsstarting companies, setting new goals, finding new passions, or reigniting old ones. We are nowhere near slowing down.

I decided then and there that I wouldnt be defined by my age any more than I would be defined by my race, sex, or income. I want people to define me by who I am, not how old I am, and I refuse to allow the old expectations of what I should or should not do at a certain age define what I am going to do. I feel good about where I am in life, and I bet you do, too. So instead of just accepting and perpetuating the stereotypes or apologizing for our ageor denying itlets embrace our age and make the most of it, shall we?

Shortly after my fiftieth birthday, and with my newfound determination, I decided to really own my age and follow my own path. Little did I know at that time that I would be leaving my job as COO of the Library of Congress to join AARP or that my future work at AARP would allow me the perfect opportunity to help effect change not just in my life but in that of many others. Talk about opportunity hitting you right on the head!

Ill be the first to admit that this was not easy. The negative stereotypes of aging are so ingrained in our society and personal identities, they are difficult to overcome. So most of us dont even try. We either just accept it, thus perpetuating the negative image, or, as is increasingly common, we simply deny that we are aging and fight against it with all (the energy and money) weve got.

But Ill also tell you that it was incredibly satisfying. When I made the decision to leave the Library of Congress to join AARP, I was surprised by how many people were confused about why I would leave a job I so dearly loved and was good at to start a totally different career in a completely different field at age fifty-two. But it made perfect sense to me.

This was the next chapter in my well-established five-year planning cycle. I had always said I wanted to run a nonprofit. But I never dreamed Id end up running one as meaningful as the AARP Foundation or that I would eventually become the CEO of AARP, one of the largest nonprofit organizations in the world. As I think back, it was one of those be careful what you ask for moments. Never in my wildest imagination did I ever expect that I would be able to influence and impact my own thinking on aging, much less that of millions of others. When I think about the millions of people in this country whose lives could be positively affected just by the way we view and talk about aging, its mind blowing. And the only time I really thought about my age was to wonder whether I was even old enough to be a member of AARP!