Khadija Mastoor - The Women’s Courtyard

A winters night grows desolate so quickly. Today as well, clouds had been gathering since evening. There was a chill in the air now, and the electric street lamp burned silently. Across the gali, an owl hooted from the thicket of trees near the half-built school building, its ominous voice adding to the bleakness of the night. It was a bit quieter in the large room next door nowshe could no longer hear Chammi tossing and turning.

Shes sleeping soundly, Aliya thought with longingshe herself couldnt get to sleep. Not being able to sleep at night is so very painfuleven worse in a completely new place. Perhaps first nights in new places must always be spent sleeplessly like this. She tried once again to fall asleep, casting the room in darkness by pulling the shutters partly closed, then covered her face with the quilt and lay down as though she were actually asleep.

After lying there motionless for a long time, she felt the whole effort had gone to waste. Sleep was nowhere in sight and memories of the past kept whirling through her mind. She sat up on her bed, cross-legged, feeling helpless. She opened the shutters and began to look outside. The school building on the other side of the gali, the dense mango and pipal treesall were shrouded in darkness. Everything had looked so clear and lovely in the evening. She had sat at the window and gazed out with some interest then; but now, in the darkness, the trees looked like black mountains, and when a sharp gust of wind blew, they looked frightening, like something out of the ghost stories shed heard in childhood.

Ill never get to sleep this way, she thought, and pulled the shutters closed again. Her body ached as she lay down. The anxiety of a full days journey had drained her.

Oh my! she moaned. Now I cant sleepso long as I cant clear my mind therell be no room for sleep! Memories rushed in from all sides. People say you should forget the past. Whats the point of turning and looking back? Just keep moving forward. But her past was all shed inherited. Her past, from which shed learnt so much. How could she wrench herself away from it now? And now, ever more memories filled her head because of how shed come to be here.

She had no idea if Amma was also asleepthe house had grown so silent. Someone passing through the lane in the chill night air sang out in a shivering voice:

For you, darling, I was needlessly disgraced...

Would this night ever end? Abba, how are you spending your nights in jail? She clutched her knees to her stomach anxiously. From somewhere far off came the sound of the bell striking eleven.

A light rain began to fall. Gusting drops blew against the shutters, thrumming a faint melody.

What would life be like now? She was frightened at the thought. It was so dark in the room. She felt as though her question was similarly shrouded in darkness as she closed her eyes fearfully. Sleep was still far off, but memories of the past settled in to help her pass the night.