Loretta Chase - Not Quite A Lady

LORETTA CHASE

Not Quite A Lady

Contents

The trouble with Darius Carsington was, he had no heart.

Darius turned away, walked back to the ponds edge, told

Mistake, Darius thought. Stupid, stupid mistake.

Yes, Darius would do better to spend his time with

Darius burst into the library, then stopped short.

Dont touch me dont touch me dont touch me.

She didnt move a muscle. She remained stiff and haughty

Darius expected Lady Charlotte to break away from him, with

Lady Charlotte turned away from Darius in a rustle of

A difficult day, sir? Kenning said as he followed his

It should have been so easy to move away.

Darius stared at the paper in his hand. It was

Of course she couldnt believe her ears.

No, said Lady Charlotte.

Daisy did not lead his lordship to the nearest rathole

Darius knew better than to suggest taking Pip home with

Yorkshire, England
24 May 1812

May I see him? the girl asked. She was a girl in truth, scarcely seventeen. Her blue eyes enormous in a chalk white face etched with pain and fatigue, she seemed at present far too young to be a mother.

Hers had been a long labor, and she was not out of danger yet.

The two older women attending herone, though modestly garbed, obviously a lady and one as obviously a servantexchanged worried glances.

The lady had become the Marchioness of Lithby and the girls stepmother scarcely a year earlier. Yet her manner was as compassionate and affectionate as that of a mother or sister. She bent over the fair head on the pillow. My love, it would be better if you did not, she murmured. Better to rest now.

Hes quiet, the girl said. Why is he so quiet?

Lady Lithby stroked her forehead. The baby isnot strong, Charlotte.

Hes going to die, isnt he? Oh, you must let me see him. Only for a moment, Lizzie, please. I am so sorry to be so much trouble

You are not to blame, Lady Lithby said sharply. Never think that.

You listen to her ladyship, the woman servant said. It was that wicked mans fault. Along with the worthless creature who called herself a governess. It was her job to watch out for wolves in sheeps clothing. But she didnt, did she? She left it to youand hows an innocent girl to know anything about the wickedness of men?

The wolf in sheeps clothing was dead, killed in a duelover a woman, naturally. Lady Charlotte Hayward was by no means the first or the last Geordie Blaine had wronged, though perhaps the youngest and highest born.

There, you see? her stepmother said. Molly is on your side. I am on your side. A tear slid down her cheek and onto the pillow. Never forget that, love. You can always come to me.

If only you had done so last summer

Lady Lithby did not say this, yet the awareness hovered like a ghost in the quiet room.

Im sorry, the girl said. I was so foolish. I am so sorry. But please, Lizzie, please may I see him? Only for a moment. Please.

She spoke between ragged gasps. Her eyes filled, and her bosom rose and fell rapidly. The two women feared they would lose her, though they were careful not to let their anxiety show.

I dont want her agitated, Lady Lithby murmured to the maid. Let her see the child.

Molly went out and into the next room, where the wet nurse had taken charge of the babe.

All had been so very carefully and discreetly arranged: the midwife, the wet nurse, the carriage that would take the boy to his new parents. His mothers indiscretion had been well concealed.

The maid returned a few minutes later with the infant. Charlotte smiled and rose a little on the pillows, and Molly laid him in her arms. He made what seemed to be a feeble attempt to find her breast but gave up with a sigh.

Oh, dont die, his mother said. She stroked over the white down on his head. She drew her index finger lightly over his nose and lips and chin. She touched her finger to his hand, and the tiny fingers curled about it. You mustnt die, she whispered. Listen to Mama. She whispered something else, too low for the others to hear.

She looked up at her stepmother. They will take good care of him?

He goes to a good family, Lady Lithby assured her. They have tried and tried to have a child. They will lavish all their affection on him.

If he lives.

This, too, went unsaid.

Too much went unsaid, perhaps, but Charlotte was too conscious of the wrong shed done and the painful position in which shed placed her stepmothertoo conscious, in short, of all she owed these women, to say what was in her heart.

Perhaps, as well, the ache in her young heart went too deep and left her without words.

She only gazed at her baby and grieved as she had not thought it possible to grieve. She gazed at her son, her beautiful son, and thought of how shed wronged him.

Shed believed Geordie Blaine had broken her heart, but that was nothing to this. She had brought an innocent child into the world. He was weak. He needed his mother. But she couldnt keep him.

Love.

Because of it, shed wronged so manyand above all, the one innocent being she most wanted to protect.

Love.

It made one blind, truly. Blind to others. Blind to past, present, and future. Blind to all but one conscienceless man and the wicked feelings he inspired: desirepassion

They were poetic words for simple animal urges. She saw that now, too late. Those feelings quickly faded.

What remained was the ache of grief, almost beyond enduring.

Love.

Never again. Her soul could not bear it.

Charlotte kissed her babys forehead. Then she turned her glistening blue gaze to the maid. You may take him now, she said.

The trouble with Darius Carsington was, he had no heart.

Everyone in his family agreed that the Earl of Hargates youngest son had started out with one. Everyone agreed that he had not, at the outset, seemed destined to be the most aggravating of Lord Hargates five sons.

Certainly he was not so very different from the others in appearance.

Two of his brothers, Benedict and Rupert, had inherited Lady Hargates dark good looks. Darius, like Alistair and Geoffrey, had Lord Hargates golden brown hair and amber eyes. Like all of his brothers, Darius was tall and strong. Like the others, he was handsome.

Unlike the others, he was scholarly, and always had been. Hed commenced aggravating his father by insisting on going to Cambridge, though all the males of the family had always attended Oxford. Cambridge was more intellectually rigorous, he said. One might study botany there, and iron smelting, and other subjects of natural and practical philosophy.

True, hed done well at Cambridge. Unfortunately, ever since he completed his studies, he seemed to have let his intellect gain the upper hand of his affections as well as his morals.

To put it simply, Darius divided his life into two parts: (1) studying animal behavior, especially breeding and mating behavior, and (2) devoting his leisure hours to emulating this behavior.

Item Two was the problem.

Lord Hargates other four sons had not been saints when it came to womenexcept for Geoffrey, that is, who was monogamous from the day he was born. When it came to quantity, however, none of the others matched Darius.

Still, his being a rake was a minor issue, for his father, mother, and the rest of his family were far from puritanical. Since he drew the line at seducing innocents, they could not complain that he was a cad. Since he was astute enough to confine himself to the demimonde or the very fringes of the Beau Monde, they could not complain of scandals. Morals among those groups were lax anyway, and their doings seldom raised eyebrows, let alone appeared in the scandal sheets.