Siobhan ONill-White - We Lost Our Baby: One Couples Story of Miscarriage and Its Aftermath

I HALF-EXPECTED IT TO HAPPEN to me on my first pregnancy and would run to the bathroom every so often to check that I was not, in fact, bleeding. Luckily for me I had a good pregnancy (except for all the morning sickness) and a good birth (except for all the pain!) on my first baby and so I thought I knew a thing or two when I became pregnant for the second time.

My second pregnancy was quite unexpected; in fact, I was shocked to discover I was pregnant again so soon. It wasnt exactly planned.

My son was seven months old and my husbands Christmas party was coming up. I was starting to get the hang of this parenting business and my feelings of panic when leaving the baby at all had started to dwindle. That tends to happen when they start teething! Between sleepless nights and all the work that goes with a very active seven-month old, every so often we needed a break. We needed some time alone as a couple, so every now and then the grandparents would babysit. It was nice. The panic I felt as a new mammy was wearing off and I was getting a little bit of a social life back. I was feeling kind of like my old self again.

When my husband asked me if I wanted to go to his work Christmas party, adding that his parents had offered to take the baby overnight so that we could stay out late and sleep in the next day, I was very happy to say yes. Having a night out together was a rare treat and I was really looking forward to it.

We got the baby ready and my husband left him over with the grandparents while I spent ages getting ready. I did not get out much anymore, so I was making the most of it. We went along, had a lovely dinner and a few glasses of wine. We called and checked on the baby and he was sleeping fine, so my husband suggested we go to a nightclub. I love dancing but I suggested we go home. He was surprised and a little bit disappointed but when I told what I had in mind for him, he was pulling his coat on with record speed to run out and hail a taxi! (We had not been getting much alone time since the little nipper had come along, so the chance of an uninterrupted kiss and cuddle was far more appealing than a nightclub).

We got home, cracked open a bottle of wine, put on some soft music and lit the fire. As we were getting down to the good stuff, we realised we had no contraception. You know the way it is (I should get a slap on the wrist for saying this); we had been sipping on wine for a while, the fire was warm and the little man was away for the night. It was tempting, to say the least. Add to that temptation the fact that it was a windy and rainy December night outside and the nearest chemist or shop was well past closing time so, even if we had tried, we may not have been able to find condoms; plus we were getting caught up in the heat of the moment and we did want to interrupt all that to sort out contraception. (I know, I know, we were very irresponsible ) Anyway, I calculated my dates and reckoned we were safe, so we threw caution to the wind and had a very pleasant night.

Two weeks later it was Christmas. I felt a little bit tired. I was a tad short-tempered as well. I just thought I was run-down from all the Christmas preparations. I was so tired on Christmas Day that I did not even have wine with my dinner and, soon after dessert, I was curled up on the sofa in my pyjamas. I thought my exhaustion was from a lack of sleep and the constant running around after a very energetic and imaginative seven-month-old.

It never dawned on me that I could be pregnant; I thought I was simply worn out from how busy I had been. Instead of thinking about my symptoms and putting two and two together, I put my feelings of tiredness down to the baby teething and the fact we had cooked for eight people on Christmas Day.

We had booked a winter holiday for the three of us. My husband and I had decided it would be our Christmas present to each other that year and we were really excited at the prospect of getting some sun, while it was freezing cold here. A few days into the New Year, we headed off to the Canaries for some sun and relaxation. I still felt a bit tired; I was expecting my period to arrive at any minute and I usually get a bit tired before it arrives. I never suspected for a minute that I might be pregnant. After all, we had only been together without contraception that one time, so I thought we were safe.