Stephen Dixon - Gould

The first was when he was seventeen and just a freshman in college and she was a couple of years older. She originally told him she was eighteen because she didnt think hed want to go out with someone almost two and a half years older than he. But he looked through her wallet and found out her real age and later told her Im sorry, I went into your wallet, I wont pretend I was looking for anything but to find out how old you are, because I didnt think you were eighteen you dont act it and that youre almost a junior and your looks and clothes. And I found one of your IDs with your age on it, and so what? for whats wrong with you being that much older than me? We seem suited together, dont we? no big deal like where you experienced World War Two and knew what be-bop was and I didnt. And its not that you act younger than you are but maybe I act older and if that seems like bragging then just that two and a half years isnt much difference at our age, or at least not between us. Later he thought, Maybe her being almost twenty and so far along in college is the reason she let him go so far with her so quickly or let him get in her at all: third date, her folks not home, first one they kissed, second she let him rub her behind through her skirt, theyd intended to see a movie but she said while he stood by the door waiting for her to get her coat I dont really feel like going out, it isnt that Im feeling unwell or my period or anything like that, would it be all right if we just watched something on TV and maybe later go out for a snack? and he said he hates TV, its for idiots, and Saturday night? nothings on but dopey comedy shows; he would never own one if he had his own place, he never watches it, his father insists they do at dinner the news; the news is important, his father says; its the world, its whats around us, you learn things; youre a smart boy but afraid to learn things or think the world today is unimportant? and it always leads to arguments like that and sometimes him leaving the table before dinners finished. I Love Lucyoh wonderful; Arthur Godfrey, Sid Caesar, George whatever-his-name-is, with the crewcut and checkered jacket and overstuffed shoulder pads and always a bow tie and horselaugh what morons, and she said Fine, we wont watch TV, but why do you have to get so virulent about it? Maybe we should go to a movie after all, though I looked in the paper and theres nothing in walking distance that I want to see and I really dont want to take a subway or bus back and forth. We can stay here and talk, and she said All right, hang up your talk and lets coat, and he said Did you mean that? and she said What? and he said You reversed a couple of words; it was pretty clever, and she said I cant take credit for it. I have a brain problem, nothing fatal, and sometimes do that and also with my reading. But what do you want to talk about? and he said Cant we discuss this in a more comfortable spot?already maneuvering her, not so much to score but to kiss again, this time with the tongue, feel her breasts, maybe get his finger in her cunt, but thatll probably come the next date or one or two after thatYou have a living room with chairs and a couch here, dont you? and she said Nope, we read, talk and play chess on the floor. Well, chess I sometimes do play with my father there, but youre so smart, Mr. Thinkpants, and they went into the living room, and she said Would you like something to drink? My father has a liquor cabinet stuffed with things, and they wont be home till past midnight, so Ill have plenty of time to wash your glass out and put water in whatever bottle you choose so it doesnt seem poured from, and he said Boy, did I once say we were suited? even down to our fathers. Mines also a cheapskate with his booze, and she said Its not that; he doesnt like the boys dating me getting tipsy on his whiskey and then getting frisky with me its like giving them a gun to shoot me, hes said, Freud not intended, and he said I know Freud but not what he says, except for that double-meaning thing. But sure, Ill have something hard whats he got? and she said He likes scotch, so probably lots of scotches, and he said Thats for old men, not that your fathers old, but you know do you have anything else? Canadian Club, that Royal something. a good rye? and she looked and he drank two highballs and she had one but hardly touched it and they talked about their parents and people theyd dated and where they both were on several historical occasions to see if their paths had ever crossed he was walking to school on D-Day when hed heard about it, her parents told her about it at breakfast and then went into almost like a history lesson as to what it meant; he was in summer camp in New Jersey when World War Two ended; she was lying in a hammock at a friends summer cottage near Peekskill when she first learned of it, Peekskill, he said, my folks took a bungalow there for a month when I was four or five, and she said That was the only time I was near there her family felt sorry I had to spend the summer in the city; Roosevelts death: they both walked into their apartments to find people crying and the radio blaring, but in different boroughs; Stalins: he found out from newspaper headlines on a newsstand in the Garment Center (Corner of 36th or 37th and Eighth Avenue to be exact) when he was delivering belts for a belt company, she was a block or two away between Seventh and Eighth and maybe around the same hour it was after school applying for a showroom modeling job with a coat and suit house and he touched her hand, said This little piggy ah, thats silly, isnt it? and felt himself getting high and said Drink all yours down, catch up with me or as you might say: Drink all yours down and catch down with me, though that makes no sense, and no sense is good sense nah, that makes no sense too. But Im about twice your weight or a little less, so two of mine is one of yours, and you gotta be equal and fair, and she finished her drink and said I believe youre trying to compromise me through the use of my fathers booze, just as he said, and he said Thats right, Id never lie to you, and she said Thats a lie, the last part, and he said Oh, so what, and smiled and she did and squeezed his hand and he moved closer and said Now Im going to be piggy, and she said Well see better than wolf, I guess, but thats a bad pun, and he thought Pun? Whats she mean? and she moved closer he let her; he could have moved even closer than he was when he first started to but wanted to see if he moved a little closer whether she would too and she put her head on his shoulder and shut her eyes and looked so satisfied and peaceful that for a moment he thought he should leave her like that they were sitting on the couch but he took her chin between his thumb and forefinger and said in a fake European accent hed heard in a few movies Mine darlink, and kissed her and she kissed back and they kissed and while they were kissing with their eyes closed he touched her breast through her blouse and she pulled her head away and said I dont know if I want you touching me there, and he said Then where can I? and she said I dont think anywhere, and he said You let me touch your tushie last time and now youre sitting on it so I cant, and she said If you did touch my behind then I didnt feel it so I wasnt aware you were touching it, and he said Come off it, you dont lie, I dont lie, and she said So maybe I did feel it but I thought that was a love tap you were doing, and he said No, a sex tap, and she said Touche, and he said Yes, mucho touche, if what I know of the words right, mucho tushie touch, and she said Too much touche, but what I meant by love was playfulyou were fooling aroundkiddingand I let you because I thought it was harmless, and he said Oh brother, was I fooling around and harmless, and she said Dont suddenly get immature, and he said Sorry, lady, and slid over to the end of the couch and looked at his feet and pouted and she said Whats wrong now? and still looking at his feet he said You know, darnit, and she said Are you trying to manipulate me again? and he said I know what manual labor is, and she said Whats that supposed to mean? and he said It isnt the name of a Mexican worker, and she said You sound stupid now excuse me: just a touch silly then, for I hate that, when an intelligent sensible man intentionally acts dumb, as much as I hate an operator, and he looked at her and smiled and said Okay, Im wrong, I admit it, Im sorry, very sorry, if I could apologize a hundred times without sounding redundant, Id do it, and she smiled and he slid over to her and said But you know, getting back to the other subject, we do know each other, and she said We hardly do three times plus when we first met and before that seeing each other on campus, and he said You know me now, all about me, my ups and downs, my bads and goods, my bumps and humps no, not that, and she said Great time for puns, and he said You used that word before, and now youll see how honest and stupid I am I mean, when you werent looking I could have written it down and looked it up later but whats a pun? and she gave her definition of it and he said How come I didnt know it? and she said Some people know, others do thats a pun, almost, but more just a joke, and he said And funny, but anyway, to end what I was saying about knowing me, you do, and I feel I know you, and I really like you, and she said And I like you, and he said Then, settled? and she said To an extent, and he said Good, and they kissed and after about a minute of kissing he touched her breast and kept his hand there and after another minute of kissing he started unbuttoning her blouse and she tried to rebutton it and he pulled her hand away and unbuttoned the rest and rubbed her nipple with his finger and then unhooked her bra, all while they were kissing, and pulled her bra up and got her breast out from under her blouse and kissed it and while he was kissing it in different places he put her hand on his pants where his penis was and she squeezed it once and moved her hand away and he said Come on, please, just a little more, and put her hand back and she squeezed it a few times and then left her hand on top of it and he unzipped his fly and pulled his penis out and put her hand around it and she began jerking it and then faster and he said Easy, not so hard, Ill mess up the couch, and she said We should stop, then, my parents will see the stain and theyll know what it is and go crazy, and he said Wait a second, Ive an idea, and kissed her and put his hand up her skirt and scratched her hair through the panties and then curled his pinky underneath the panties and felt around and got the tip of it inside her vagina and while they were kissing and two of his fingers were inside her vagina he stretched his other hand to the side table lamp behind her and she said What are you doing? still jerking his penis and he said Shutting the light or making it lower does it have two bulbs? and she said That one, three, and he said Ill shut off two, all right? its hurting my eyes, and she said Why? Your eyes are mostly closed, and he said It still comes through, or its just nicer all around that way, softer, and felt around the socket for a switch but felt light chains and pulled two of them and the room went dark and she said Whyd you turn them all off? and he said I only pulled two, so that must have been all that was on, and she said Oh well, now you dont have to look at me, and he said Yeah, very tough to do, looking at you youre a beauty, and she said Sure, and he said You are, you are kees me, you chrazy mixed-up beauty, and kissed her and she pushed his face away and said What do I do if the phone rings? and he said I dont know wheres the phone? You cant find it in the dark? and she said I mean, do I answer it? and he said No-o-o, and started pulling her panties down and she said Suppose it was something important? and he said How could it be? Your parents are out. Why dont I just take it off the hook where is it? and she said Theres one in the kitchen, and he said Ah, lets just let it ring, and pulled her panties down farther and she didnt stop him and he pulled them off and felt her legs and behind and inside her behind and she said Not that place, it could be dirty, and he said It isnt dirty its part of fooling around when youre doing it, and she said Dirty as in feces, okay? and he said I understand, and felt her legs around her crotch and her hair there and started pulling his pants off and she said What are you doing? and he said My pants, off, theyre uncomfortable, the belt buckle things sticking me, and thought Say Help me, will you? and said Help me with them, will ya please? and she said Im not sure, and he said Dont worry, anything you dont want to do, we wont we can just stay close to each other, rubbing and hugging but thats all, and felt her vagina and inside it and she jerked him back and forth and they were kissing and then he pulled off his pants and then shorts and shirt off and her blouse off and bra from around her arm where it was hanging and he said Our shoes and socks, and he pulled their shoes off and his socks for she didnt have anything like that on and then he was on top of her and she said I dont know if we should continue, this could be dangerous. Suppose my folks come back early and we do mess up the couch? and he said Why would they and if you want I can put my hanky or something under you or we can go to a bed, and she said No bed, and he said Then here, we wont be messy and nothing might come of it, and she said One of them could get sick my mother, one drink, and they drink a lot at those dinner affairs, and he said Is that where they went? where, way downtown? feeling her body all around, and she said Some political club event once a year, I think its at a big midtown hotel, with lots of speeches. They never miss it and shes a terrible drinker if they dont serve her lots of appetizers before; my father can hold his though, and he said Dont worry, they left, what, an hour ago? so theyre just starting, and we can do anything, if we do it, quickly, and she said I dont want to do it any kind of way, and he said Have you ever? and she said Once, with a guy I liked, a few times, when I was much younger it was a big mistake. And you? and he said Yes, but I have to admit it, only with women I paid I dont like that, Im sorry, and she said Thats all right, and he said So what do you think? and she said I really dont think we should, and he said Okay, and kissed her neck and face and breasts and belly and said I think we should, and vagina and stuck his tongue in and turned his body around, and she said Ive never done this I didnt with the other guy, though he wanted me to, and he said Just try, if its no good, not something you like, dont then, really, and she did and continued to and he did and then he felt himself coming and pushed her face away and said You dont want to be swallowing the stuff, do you? and she said No, never, though I think I tasted it now, and he turned around again and kissed her and put his tongue in her mouth because he thought shed wanted to be kissed like that after, for that would make her think he didnt think her mouth was dirty from doing it, and then he tried putting his penis in her and she said The whole thing doesnt feel good like this, the couch isnt wide enough and my shoulders pressed lets get on the floor, and he thought Good, its done, Im in, and said Why not your room? and she said The floors easier, and he said How could it be? the beds softer, and she said My rooms a mess, and he said Who cares about that? and she said I just dont want us to be there, I share it with my sister when she cornes home from college, and this is a good thick carpet and please dont argue, and he said Okay, because she just might get so upset at him that shed stop now and they got on the floor and she got on her back and spread her legs and patted her thighs, he saw all this from the light in the kitchen, and said Im not wearing anything, I havent got one yet, did you bring something? and he said yes and got up to get his wallet out of his pants and she said Actually, Ive already started my period a little, if you dont mind that I never should have let you do what you did, and he said By the way, when I said I had one, it wasnt for this time particularly, I just happen to have it in my wallet for a while and before, when you shouldnt have let me do what I did, did you mean with my mouth? and it seemed she was nodding and he said Youre nodding? and she said yes, and he said I didnt taste anything unusual, so maybe it had stopped before I was there but you sure you cant get pregnant by us doing this without anything? and she said Positive, its biologically impossible, though if you want to put on something, just to be extra safe, go ahead, and he said hed rather not and got down on the floor and inside her and flattened himself on top and she said That cant be the way, Im not the most experienced at it, but what youre doing would squash anyone, and he said Sorry, and raised his rear a little and after a few moves by both of them, came. They did it again a short time later and then almost every weekend someplace, sometimes both weekend nights and occasionally on a weekday, when his parents werent home, hers, couple of times at the apartment of a friend of hers when the friends parents were out and she left them alone for an hour, and used condoms for a while and then a diaphragm when she got fitted for one or didnt use anything around the time of her period and sometimes right at the height of it he didnt really like to do it then, all the blood on him after and the thought of her bleeding while they were doing it, the slippery stuff not so much theirs but her blood, but it didnt seem to bother her much, shed just pull the tampon out and roll it in a tissue or napkin and drop it on the floor and once even said, lying back flat on the bed, Why dont you do the honors this time its only a little string, and he told her lots of times he loved her though he only liked her a lot but loved making love with her and just knowing he had someone steady to make love with and that his friends knew, that was important too, and she said she loved him more than she had anyone before, even if there havent been that many guys in my life I felt deeply about: two, youre the third, and one of those two when I was so young I never let him touch me or do anything but kiss, but that was exciting enough then, and they met on campus the days they both had classes and had lunch there and sat outside when it was nice and talked and sometimes she took the subway downtown with him when he had to go to work after school, just to be another hour with him, she said. He wished he could really love her and felt bad and troubled that he didnt and sometimes thought he was wasting his time going with someone and doing such serious things with her whom he didnt think hed ever love so much as to say it