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Harold Jaffe - Induced Coma

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Harold Jaffe Induced Coma
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Induced Coma: summary, description and annotation

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A semi-sequel to the visionary once again features Harold Jaffe writing to the Nth power, taking as his subject no less than the benighted globe. Including published mainstream narratives and news articles from the US and abroad, the collection covers an extraordinary range of subjects activist art, global warming, revolution, the entertainment industry, and the freakishly banal happenings of our day-to-day lives all of which the author deconstructs to expose their ideological subtexts in uncanny ways. Satirical, critical, tragic and ruminative, Jaffe works every register masterfully. is a singular tour de force composed by one of the most innovative writers of our generation.

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Harold Jaffe

Induced Coma

Terrorism is the war of the poor

War is the terrorism of the rich

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

Gratitude to Andy OClancy and KM Seehaus for reading my manuscript and making suggestions.

Induced Coma

is increasingly common in medical procedures.

Patients lapsing back to real time claim its a sweet space.

Coma-land.

Parallel world, noiseless, zero technology.

You can hang there for a long time like Jesus without nails.

But isnt this coma-land of yours just a degraded version of Nirvana?

Absolutely.

Raw Steak

A female was detained after hitting a male in the face with raw steak.

She hit him with raw steak after he refused sliced bread.

The male said he wanted a bread roll.

The female admitted hitting him with raw steak, saying she did it so he could learn.

Triage

As his wife screamed desperately in murky river water, the frantic New Zealander abandoned a bid to rescue his 9-year-old son to rescue his wife.

The New Zealanders son drowned but he managed to save his wife after her car had plunged into the Whanganui river in dense fog.

Silicon

A Korean couple allowed their biological child to starve to death because of their addiction to rearing a virtual child in a Second-Lifestyle game online called Silicon.

They would feed their unnamed three-month-old baby only when not at 12-hour online sessions, obsessed with raising their internet child, called Kim.

Freeze-Dry

Doctors are attempting to freeze-dry a severely disabled girl, 9-years-old, to keep her child-size at her parents request.

Born with static encephalopathy, she cannot walk or talk and has the mental capacity of a month-old infant.

Watch the child twist her mouth grotesquely and emit animal noises. [Video]

Gangsta

A 4-year old is nabbed for indecent exposure and a 6-year-old is arrested for armed robbery, as the lawlessness spreads.

Recent statistics include a child of 5 assaulting a nun and a pair of stoned, pierced 9-year-olds driving stolen buses.

Obtained under the Freedom of Information Act, 1753-and-a-half crimes a year are committed by under 10s, with the real figure thought to be much higher.

An expert laid the blame squarely on parents and pre-school teachers: Kids run amok because they have never been taught what is acceptable behavior. The adult world has failed them.

Australian Boys

are more violent than American boys.

976 males aged 12 to 16 in Melbourne and Philadelphia were asked if in the previous year theyd attacked someone with the idea of doing serious harm.

16.8 percent of Aussie boys said they had, compared with 13.3 percent of the Philly boys.

Doctors Amputated

the healthy leg of an 83-year-old man, then, realizing their error, amputated his healthy arms.

Finally, they came to their senses & amputated his diseased leg.

I was shocked when I raised the sheets & saw they had taken all his limbs, the mans daughter told radio station PPQ.

Surgical Towel

Surgeons who operated on a 53-year-old Japanese man to remove a tumor had good news and funky news for him. He did not have cancer, but the growth that had been causing him pain was a 27-year-old surgical towel.

The surgical towel was greenish blue though we are not sure about its original color, the Asahi General Hospital spokesperson admitted. It was crumpled to the size of a baseball.

Hospital officials visited the man, who was not identified, and humbly apologized for their 27-year-old error.

While in the operating room the man had his spleen removed.

5-Inch Knife

He walked into Starbucks with a 5-inch knife sticking out of his chest, ordered decaf cappuccino, borrowed a cellphone from a patron, phoned 911 for an ambulance, told the operator hed been stabbed and was drinking cappuccino because its cold outside.

He died in Starbucks before the ambulance arrived.

The Popes Cologne

is composed from the secret formula of Pope Pius IX (17921878).

We obtained the formula from descendants of Piuss Papal Guard commander and lifelong companion, General Didier LeGrande.

We followed the complex, exclusive formula meticulously, using the same essential oils that the papal perfumers reverently employed 200 years ago.

This is a truly exquisite cologne with a captivating freshness, featuring notes of columbine, rue, red cedar, bergamot, and natural musk (which contains enticing pheromones.)

It is an honor for us to be able to produce this historically elite cologne and make it available for your purchase today.

Grits

A 44-year-old woman was booked after pouring boiling grits onto her sleeping boyfriend, causing second-degree burns on his groin and legs.

Back from work, they bickered.

He threatened to quit her.

He fell asleep.

Query: She had coffee and bean soup on the stove why douse

him with grits?

Demented

40 million people around the world are demented.

An ominous forecast as the population grays.

The new count is 14 percent higher than scientists predicted just a year ago.

Barring a medical miracle dementia will double every 20 years.

By 2050, it will affect virtually everyone.

E-Everything

In this era of social networking, cloud computing & e-everything, we routinely entrust our identities to the corporate sectors.

But to what extent can we trust them?

Whats your approach to online privacy?

I steer away from social network sites like the plague; dont want my shit online.

I use pseudonyms and fake email addresses, so no worries.

Only thing Ive signed up for online is free porn.

I always carry at least one condom in my wallet but still worry about infection.

Ill sign up for anything. If someone cops my identity, Ill cop someone elses.

Pricked

He pricked her twice with the sewing needle while she slept.

She discovered a sting-like mark on her left thigh.

Later she saw him in the garage with a syringe full of blood.

In September, she found she was HIV-positive.

Police charged the offending male 43 days later.

Brit Love

The chance of finding the perfect partner in Britain is almost nil.

I am a professional pale male, nationality British, aged 33. Statistically, there are 26 females in London with whom I might have a comparatively smart & sexy relationship. Translation: On a given night out in London there is a 0.0000034 percent chance of meeting a special female. Thats 1 in 285,000.

Select one of the following:

The stats may sound depressing to people looking for love, but the so-so good news is its probably not your fault.

Lousy odds, but who said being British was easy.

High Low

At 3 PM, the Swiss climber Jean-Pierre Culotte, elated, exultant, stood on the roof of the world in bright sunlight gazing down at the Himalayas.

Now Mount Everest is his grave, because minutes later he suddenly went blind, had to be abandoned, perished from the cold.

Spelunk

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