Anna North - The Life and Death of Sophie Stark

WHEN SOPHIE FIRST SAW ME, I WAS ONSTAGE. THIS GIRL IRINA who I lived with at the time had organized a storytelling series at a bar in Bushwick, and after a couple weeks of watching I decided I wanted to tell a story too. I wasnt like the other kids in the house; Id never assumed Id be an actor or a writer or anything creative. When I was growing up, everybody figured Id stay in Burnsville, West Virginia, and have some kids. But there I was in New York and for ten minutes I could make people listen to me and treat me like I was important. The theme that week was scary camping stories. I was wearing my only pretty dress, a blue halter with a full skirt that Id bought for seven dollars at a vintage store, and I got up onstage after some girl talked for twenty minutes about seeing a possum. Heres the story I told, the one that started everything for Sophie and me.

My school had some good kids, Christian kids, kids who got married at eighteen before they started popping out babies. But my family was one hundred percent trash for five generations back, and I didnt fit in real well with the church crowd. Instead I used to hang out with this guy named Bean.

Bean was a couple years older than me, and hed dropped out of high school to sell weed, and he made enough money to rent half a run-down old farmhouse outside of town. He was nice he always shared his weed, especially with girls, and hed give me a place to stay when things got bad at home. But he had an edge to him his dad was a Marine and he had taught Bean this trick where you snap someones neck in a single motion. And Bean always made you feel like you were so cool, part of this secret club with just him, and you wanted to do exactly what he said so you could be in the club forever.

I never saw a girl turn Bean down until he decided he was into Stacey Ashton. Stacey was my only friend who was a good girl. She was in the French club and she didnt smoke weed and she wanted to go to Emory someday she had a sweatshirt from there and everything.

Maybe thats why Bean liked her, because she was so different. But she wasnt interested. Hed go up to her at a party and shed just be polite and then turn away, talk to some other guy. It made Bean really angry. Id never seen him mad before things usually went so well for him. But now every time Stacey turned her back on him, he got that look on his face like pressure building up.

Bean convinced me to talk to Stacey for him he said maybe shed go out with him if we double-dated. I didnt like the weird, angry Bean, and I wanted to bring the happy one back. Plus, he promised me an eighth of weed. Stacey wasnt easy to sway she kept saying he creeped her out, there was something off about him. I said she was crazy, everybody loved him anyway, me and Tommy, this guy I was sort of dating, would be there the whole time. Finally I told her that if she didnt have fun, Id buy her these butterfly earrings she liked at the mall. Stacey loved all that girly shit.

So Bean showed up that Friday and him and Stacey and me and Tommy drove to the campground where we usually went to drink and make out without anybody bothering us. There had been a lot of stories about this serial killer that summer, not in our area but in Virginia and North Carolina. He used a bowie knife to kill his victims, mostly girls in their teens or twenties. The paper called him The Charlottesville Stabber, but we called him Stabby, and whenever we went out in the woods, wed tease each other that Stabby was going to get us. On the car ride I kept poking Stacey in the ribs to make her shriek, and then Id yell Stabby! When we got there, we roasted hot dogs and drank beer and had a good time, and I could tell Stacey was kind of loosening up. Bean moved closer to her, and she didnt move away, and then he put his arm around her, and she didnt stop him. The night got colder, and she actually snuggled up against him a little bit. Then Bean winked at me, and I turned and started kissing Tommy, and I heard Bean say, Lets go for a walk and give them a little privacy. Then I heard them both walk off toward the creek.

I didnt love Tommy but I liked fucking him, and since we both lived in houses full of kids and stepdads we were pretty used to doing it on the ground at the campsite or in the backs of pickup trucks or on football fields or wherever we could get a minute to ourselves. So we were all sweaty and happy and pulling on our clothes when Bean came walking out of the bushes by himself with a look on his face Id never seen before.

We need to leave, he said.

Why? I asked. Whats the matter? Wheres Stacey?

She went off to pee, he said, and then I couldnt find her. I called and called. I looked all over.

We cant just leave, I said.

I started calling Staceys name.

Bean took my arm. He looked at me, and I saw fear in his eyes for the first time.

I think we need to get the police, he said. I mean, Im sure she just got lost or something, but in case

He trailed off, but I knew what he meant. None of us wanted to bring up the Stabbers silly nickname. I told Bean to give me another minute, and I walked just a few steps outside the campsite, but I started to get scared, and we all drove to the police station where we told our stories to Officer Gray, who spent most of his time breaking up our parties or arresting my stepdad when he tried to drive home drunk from Reds on a Tuesday night.

The police searched with dogs for miles around the campsite, but they didnt find her body. Sometimes a thing like that brings people together, but this just blew the three of us apart. Tommy and I didnt hook up anymore after that night. Bean didnt come to high school parties anymore, and then he moved away without telling anybody or saying good-bye. The Stabber killed another victim, this one in South Carolina. I felt the joy drain out of me. I dropped out of high school, left my sisters and my brother to fend for themselves, and took a job waiting tables at a pasta restaurant in Charlottesville.

Id been working there about six months when I saw in the news that theyd found Staceys body. Shed washed up on the shore of Moncove Lake, about a half mile from the campsite. The police said it was probably the work of the Stabber, since Stacey fit the profile of his other victims. But they noticed a change in his MO Staceys neck had been snapped.

Another year passed. I turned twenty. I was just marking time in my life. And then I remember it was a Friday, the restaurant was crowded with students ordering carafes of our gross wine he showed up. He had a woman with him, a pretty, thin girl with strawberry-blond hair. She was well dressed, well cared for, nice skin and expensive shoes. She looked the way people look at that time in their relationship when theyre absolutely sure the other person loves them and they havent started to love that person any less yet. The hostess seated them at one of my tables, and I went to take their drink orders. I didnt even think about running away. I wanted to see what Bean ordered, what his girlfriends voice sounded like. It was more than curiosity as I walked over, I had the feeling of finishing something.

And then he saw me, and we looked right at each other for just a moment, and he didnt look frightened all. His face had no expression on it. For a second I thought he might pretend not to know me, but instead he smiled wide and said, Allison! Its been forever.

It has, I said. I didnt know what to say next. I hadnt thought beyond walking up to the table, looking at Bean, and seeing what he did.

Allison was my best friend back in Burnsville. Allison, this is my fiance, Sarah Beth.

Sarah Beth extended her hand and I saw the ring sparkling on the other one. Bean had come up in the world. He was wearing a sweater and a collared shirt. He looked like he had stopped dealing drugs.