Nadia Hashimi
The Pearl that Broke Its Shell
To my precious daughter, Zayla. To our precious daughters.
Seawater begs the pearl
To break its shell
FROM THE ECSTATIC POEM SOME KISS WE WANT, BY JALAL AD-DIN MOHAMMAD RUMI, THIRTEENTH-CENTURY PERSIAN POET
Shahla stood by our front door, the bright green metal rusting on the edges. She craned her neck. Parwin and I rounded the corner and saw the relief in her eyes. We couldnt be late again.
Parwin shot me a look and we picked up our hurried pace. We did the best we could without running. Rubber soles slapped against the road and raised puffs of dusty smoke. The hems of our skirts flapped against our ankles. My head scarf clung to beads of sweat on my forehead. I guessed Parwins was doing the same, since it hadnt yet blown away.
Damn them. It was their fault! Those boys with their shameless grins and tattered pants! This wasnt the first time theyd made us late.
We ran past the doors, blue, purple, burgundy. Spots of color on a clay canvas.
Shahla waved us toward her.
Hurry! she hissed frantically.
Panting, we followed her through the front door. Metal clanged against the door frame.
Parwin! What did you do that for?
Sorry, sorry! I didnt think it would be that loud.
Shahla rolled her eyes, as did I. Parwin always let the door slam.
What took you so long? Didnt you take the street behind the bakery?
We couldnt, Shahla! Thats where he was standing!
We had gone the long way around the marketplace, avoiding the bakery where the boys loitered, their shoulders hunched and their eyes scouting the khaki jungle that was our village.
Besides pickup games of street soccer, this was the main sport for school-age boys watching girls. They hung around waiting for us to come out of our classrooms. Once off school grounds, a boy might dart between cars and pedestrians to tail the girl whod caught his eye. Following her helped him stake his claim. This is my girl, it told the others, and theres only room for one shadow here. Today, my twelve-year-old sister, Shahla, was the magnet for unwanted attention.
The boys meant it to be flattering. But it frightened the girl since people would have loved to assume that shed sought out the attention. There just werent many ways for the boys to entertain themselves.
Shahla, where is Rohila? I whispered. My heart was pounding as we tiptoed around to the back of the house.
Shes taken some food to the neighbors house. Madar-jan cooked some eggplant for them. I think someone died.
Died? My stomach tightened and I turned my attention back to following Shahlas footsteps.
Wheres Madar-jan? Parwin said, her voice a nervous hush.
Shes putting the baby to sleep, Shahla said, turning toward us. So you better not make too much noise or shell know youre just coming home now.
Parwin and I froze. Shahlas face fell as she looked at our widened eyes. She whipped around to see Madar-jan standing behind her. She had come out of the back door and was standing in the small paved courtyard behind the house.
Your mother is very much aware of exactly when you girls have gotten home and she is also very much aware of what kind of example your older sister is setting for you. Her arms were folded tightly across her chest.
Shahlas head hung in shame. Parwin and I tried to avoid Madar-jans glare.
Where have you been?
How badly I wanted to tell her the truth!
A boy, lucky enough to have a bicycle, had followed Shahla, riding past us and then circling back and forth. Shahla paid no attention to him. When I whispered that he was looking at her, she hushed me, as if speaking it would make it true. On his third pass, he got too close.
He looped ahead of us and came back in our direction. He raced down the dirt street, slowing down as he neared us. Shahla kept her eyes averted and tried to look angry.
Parwin, watch out!
Before I could push her out of the way, the cycling stalkers front wheel rolled over a metal can in the street; he veered left and right, then swerved to avoid a stray dog. The bicycle came straight at us. The boys eyebrows were raised, his mouth open as he struggled to regain balance. He swiped Parwin before toppling over on the front steps of a dried-goods shop.
Oh my God, Parwin exclaimed, her voice loud and giddy. Look at him! Knocked off his feet!
Do you think hes hurt? Shahla said. She had her hand over her mouth, as if she had never seen a sight so tragic.
Parwin, your skirt! My eyes had moved from Shahlas concerned face to the torn hem of Parwins skirt. The jagged wires holding the spokes of the bicycle together had snagged Parwins dress.
It was her new school uniform and instantly Parwin began to weep. We knew if Madar-jan told our father, he would keep us home instead of sending us to school. It had happened before.
Why are you all silent only when I ask you something? Do you have nothing to say for yourselves? You come home late and look like you were chasing dogs in the street!
Shahla had spoken on our behalf plenty of times and looked exasperated. Parwin was a basket of nerves, always, and could do nothing but fidget. I heard my voice before I knew what I was saying.
Madar-jan, it wasnt our fault! There was this boy on a bicycle and we ignored him but he kept coming back and I even yelled at him. I told him he was an idiot if he didnt know his way home.
Parwin let out an inadvertent giggle. Madar-jan shot her a look.
Did he come near you? she asked, turning to Shahla.
No, Madar-jan. I mean, he was a few meters behind us. He didnt say anything.
Madar-jan sighed and brought her hands to her temples.
Fine. Get inside and start your homework assignments. Lets see what your father says about this.
Youre going to tell him? I cried out.
Of course I am going to tell him, she answered, and spanked my backside as I walked past her into the house. We are not in the habit of keeping things from your father!
We whispered about what Padar-jan would say when he came home while we dug our pencils into our notebooks. Parwin had some ideas.
I think we should tell Padar that our teachers know about those boys and that they have already gotten in trouble so they wont be bothering us anymore, Parwin suggested eagerly.
Parwin, thats not going to work. What are you going to say when Madar asks Khanum Behduri about it? Shahla, the voice of reason.
Well, then we could tell him that the boy said he was sorry and promised not to bother us again. Or that we are going to find another way to get to school.
Fine, Parwin. You tell him. Im tired of talking for all of you anyway.
Parwins not going to say anything. She only talks when no ones listening, I said.
Very funny, Rahima. Youre so brave, arent you? Lets see how brave you are when Padar-jan comes home, Parwin said, pouting.
Granted, I wasnt a very brave nine-year-old when it came time to face Padar-jan. I kept my thoughts bottled behind my pursed lips. In the end, Padar-jan decided to pull us out of school again.
We begged and pleaded with Padar-jan to let us return to school. One of Parwins teachers, a childhood friend of Madar-jan, even showed up at the house and tried to reason with our parents. Padar-jan had relented in the past but this time was different. He wanted us to go to school but struggled with how to make that happen safely. How would it look for his daughters to be chased by local boys for all to see? Awful.
If I had a son this would not be happening! Goddamn it! Why do we have a house full of girls! Not one, not two but five of them! he would yell. Madar-