bridgett devoue - soft thorns

chapters bleed love scar learn heal my letter to you through this past year my book has been out, ive been asked the same questions time and time again, but one always stands out to me: why did you write Soft Thorns? and my reply is always the same: it wasnt my choice. this book has been burning a hole into my heart for months, maybe even years before it was ever published. when you know something is the right time, you truly feel it, deep inside a part of your soul that the world cannot get to. this is where your truth lies, and mine was pleading with me to share its message with the world. i was going through a difficult time in my life, with the odds seemingly stacked against me. to cope with these feelings, with pen in hand, i began a therapeutic dance, releasing my pain onto pieces of paper. and without any thought or intention, tiny poems began to appear. ive always been drawn to short yet powerful poetry. i would write pages and pages of prose but always found myself taking out words and condensing the emotion into its most impactful form. using my pen as a north star of sorts, i was able to guide myself out of a deep depression. i finally got life-changing treatment for my pain, i was passionate and ready to chase after my dreams again, and my heart had healed into a stronger version of itself. i looked in the mirror one day and almost didnt recognize the strong and confident woman staring back... and then it all hit me: i had all these painful, scary, and depressing days to thank for the person i had become. if i hadnt hit my proverbial rock bottom, i would not have been able to plant my roots and grow upward. this knowledge, that even our most discouraging moments are where we learn and grow the most (therefore we should not fear them but embrace them) begged to be shared. but i didnt want to simply repeat these words verbatim.... no. i wanted people to live this truth as i had... and here is where all those tiny poems scribbled on paper came into play. as i read through notebook after notebook, page after page, i felt my stitched-up heart coming undone at the seams and a flood of emotions washing over me. as i continued to read, moving through the poems of pain into lessons of forgiveness, my heart grew, as threads of understanding and hope wove themselves into it. by the end, my heart was, yet again, even stronger than it had already been. and it was here that Soft Thorns was born. its been an incredible journey, releasing a piece of my soul out into the world, and getting to connect with my readers over beautiful stories of how my words touched their hearts. but the truth is, their words have touched my soul just as strongly. because the story doesnt just end with me publishing a book. using social media as a platform to speak to my readers every day, Soft Thorns has become a living, breathing piece of me that is also a piece of everyone who has ever read it. we are all connected by the human vulnerabilities shared in this book, and therefore none of us are ever alone in our feelings, because there is always someone out there feeling the exact same thing. if you ever have something burning a hole into your heart, please listen to it. trust it to guide you to your destiny. take my journey as an example that you can achieve anything your heart desires, as long as you simply listen to it.

• bridgett devoue

ive been called brave for my writing but that label does not belong to me you are the brave one without your open heart my words are nothing but meaningless groups of letters on paper you give them meaning you make me brave and ill forever be grateful for that bleed i was born with wide eyes and a fragile heart that never learned to say no i feel everything so deeply like stones in my pockets holding me under to drown as women everyone thinks were fine because makeup hides the sleepless nights and the tears we cry sweetheart honey babygirl cutie these are not my name and i am not yours but you use intimate words to give yourself a false sense of dominance over me these are bullets you keep ready for when you feel threatened by my feminine energy and they hurt like gunshots so dont tell me its a good thing you opened my door without knocking first and never asked if i wanted a guest anorexia is a jealous lover who controls every part of your life shell start speaking for you and oh how she loves to lie (im fine is her favorite) she doesnt want you to be in love with another so shell plant seeds of doubt in the minds of others until eventually even your own body will turn on you this is why no one loves you your limbs will say when you look in the mirror until eventually you stop looking alone and blind you stumble into the arms of anorexia an abusive lover but the only one left the more weight i lost the more i shrank into myself and out of the worlds reach im safer here i told myself starving to death beauty is a curse the rose knows well always picked first yet never a chance to grow beauty does not solve problems its just a different map down the same road someone once told me they were scared of the truth in my eyes so i learned to live my life blind maybe we fall in love with sad eyes because we see our souls reflected in them i don t remember love as a child my only teacher being magazines and movie screens so i spent my life searching for fantasies but a fantasy in real life is also known as a lie you can tear someone apart just as easily with unwanted names an undressing gaze perverted hands a penetrating tongue those scenes will be replayed and paused rewound and started again with every touch and lingering stare penetration is not the only rape i met him at a bar when he told me i dont date women under 5 foot 10 and i grew smaller thinking i would never be good enough for him so when he invited me back to his place for drinks and some blow i said yes eager to prove i was good enough he got on his knees and told me you taste like cinnamon and he didnt like someone so fiery so he used his finger to put out my flame it hurt it always hurt because my wax would never drip for him at a party where i shouldnt be my best friends brother two years older than me took my hand we started dancing the alcohol made me blush and so did his touch but my innocence was showing so i left him to sleep off what was blinding me but i woke to fingers like knives ripping apart my insides with each thrust he carved out more and more of my soul until i was nothing but a pile of meat and bones lying on the floor forever silent in shock of what a friend had just done when youve been abused for so long rape just feels like the next chapter in a predictable novel i woke up in a naked body that was not my own it felt foreign numb until i rolled over and saw another foreign body rubber on the floor a pill bottle on the dresser more intoxicating than liquor and red stains on the sheets where i had apparently been the moment i was saving myself for was stolen and i wasnt even allowed to remember it scars may fade but they last forever. love i wish we lived in a world where it was safe to keep our hearts unlocked i always scared everyone away i wanted too much theyd say because if they wanted to come inside of me then i needed to know what was inside of them but whenever i was allowed in i found a maze of stone walls and barbed wire lost inside the soul of the wrong one hopeless romantic theyd say and hopeless i was quickly becoming if youre not going to swim deep with me then get out of my waters as a little girl i didnt dream of being a ballerina i dreamt of exploring the world holding your hand i knew who you were not by the color of your hair but by the way you would look at me and i would fall into your depths i kept this dream hidden protected from the bombs being thrown at my heart my hope was becoming too battered and i knew it was time to surrender but then walking down the street your eyes met mine and i fell i used to think love wasnt for me that i wasnt worthy but all it took was one hello to change everything my heart becomes so light when im around you it floats out of my chest and takes all my pain and suffering with it your love is like an exorcism