Dave Earley - 14 Secrets to Better Relationships

2012 by Dave Earley

Print ISBN 978-1-61626-229-7

eBook Editions:

Adobe Digital Edition (.epub) 978-1-60742-720-9

Kindle and MobiPocket Edition (.prc) 978-1-60742-721-6

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All scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from the H OLY B IBLE , N EW I NTERNATIONAL V ERSION. NIV . Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

Scripture quotations marked NIV 1984 are taken from the H OLY B IBLE , N EW I NTERNATIONAL V ERSION. NIV . Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984 by Biblica, Inc.,TM Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

Scripture quotations marked ESV are from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version, copyright 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Scripture quotations marked NKJV are taken from the New King James Version. Copyright 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Scripture quotations marked MSG are taken from THE MESSAGE. Copyright by Eugene H. Peterson 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002. Used by permission of NavPress Publishing Group.

Scripture quotations marked AMP are taken from the Amplified Bible, 1954, 1958, 1962, 1964, 1965, 1987 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission.

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Scripture quotations marked CEV are from the Contemporary English Version, Copyright 1991, 1992, 1995 by American Bible Society. Used by permission.

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We need each other. This book is the result of the lives and ministries of many people other than me. Many thanks to all of you.

Cathy, you are my very best friend. Thank you for being such an encouragement and for praying over, editing, critiquing, and proofing every word.

Daniel, Andrew, and Luke for your consistent encouragement.

All the people I have done life together with in small groups over the past thirty years.

All the people I have served alongside on ministry teams.

The Barbour team for asking me to write this book.

Paul Muckley, you are a joy to work with.

Les Stobbe, for opening the door.

Annie Tipton, for managing the in-house process, and Yolanda Chumney, for handling the typesetting.

Y ou need to have close relationships.

You want to enjoy close relationships. You want to have the type of relationships that God will gladly bless.

You hope to love and be loved in relationships that hold through tough times.

Of course you do.

We all do.

And you can.

But you need to go about it Gods way.

God is a relational God. As a Tri-unity, He has eternally existed in relationship with Himself. He created man and walked with him in the cool of the day in the Garden of Eden. He sent Jesus to restore the relationship between God and man, a relationship that was marred because of mans sin. God has witnessed every relationship in history and possesses infinite and perfect knowledge and wisdom.

The New Testament is a highly relational book. The letters to the churches (Romans, Corinthians, Galatians, etc.) were written to be read and applied in community. Gracing the pages of the New Testament are insights into how to truly do life together.

Christianity is a relational experience. A religion is a system of beliefs and external practices. But Christianity is more than a religion. It is a relationship with the living God that opens the way to better relationships with others. Tertullian, an early church leader, quoted the prevailing pagan view of Christians in the second century: How they love one another and how they are ready to die for each other.

The prayer we frequently refer to as the Lords Prayerour Father in heavenis a relational prayer. Note the plural, communal nature of the petitions: give us today our daily bread, forgive us our debts, lead us not into temptation, deliver us from the evil one (Matthew 6:913).

The one another commands of the New Testament are relational guidelines. Throughout the New Testament, Jesus, Paul, James, Peter, and John give specific relational imperatives linked by the phrase one another. Based on the umbrella command to love one another (John 13:3435), the New Testament includes thirty-one additional relational imperatives, such as

Be at peace with each other (Mark 9:50)

Wash one anothers feet (John 13:14)

Be devoted to one another in love (Romans 12:10)

Honor one another above yourselves (Romans 12:10)

Live in harmony with one another (Romans 12:16)

Stop passing judgment on one another (Romans 14:13)

Accept one another just as Christ accepted you (Romans 15:7).

Woven through these one another commands are ancient, fundamental, nonnegotiable principles of successful relationships. These secrets have served as the building blocks of successful friendships, families, and marriages for thousands of years. There are many fine books that emphasize one or two of these secrets and help us to apply them wisely, but none of these building blocks will be as effective unless we start with a foundation of solid biblical principles.

Though all thirty-two of the one another commands are significant, many of them overlap. I selected thirteen of the most important (Accept, Love, Honor, Serve, Forgive, Be Honest, Encourage, Pray, Make Peace, Comfort, Invest, Carry, and Endure) and added a foundational assumption (Admit) to come up with fourteen practical, powerful people principles that cannot help but enhance and strengthen your relationships.