Beth Stebner - Stop. Breathe. Chill.: Meditations for a Less Stressful, More Awesome Life

AVON, MASSACHUSETTS

To Mike, Mom, and Dad.

Thanks for the loving reminders to live in the present.

Clear Your Mind:
How to Practice Mindfulness Meditation

Being Present While You Hang:
On Friendship and Relationships

Mindfulness at Home:
Family and Spaces

Keep Calm and Study On:
School

Being Your Best:
Self-Esteem and Self-Care

New View, New You!
Being Brave in a Changing World

If youre stressed out about an upcoming test, do you stay up late, binge on junk food, and snap at everyone around you as you frantically flip through your notes? If you have a blowup with a friend, do you avoid her at all costs instead of working things out? If youre single, do you find yourself jealouslike, really jealousof other peoples happy relationships? Do your parents rules and never-ending questions about your life make you boil with rage?

Lets face it: Stress is everywhere you look. Its at school in the morning, hiding out in friendships, and is waiting for you every night when you get home. You cant avoid stress any more than you could avoid your own shadowbut you can control your reaction to it. Not only that, but you can learn how to deal with stress in a way that wont leave you feeling rotten, both inside and out. If youre turning to coffee, candy, all-nighters, and mental thunderstorms, youre only making your situation worse. This book will give you a different (and less candy-filled) way to approach stressful situations that actually helps.

Maybe youve heard of mindfulness from a magazine or TV show. Schools around the countryand maybe even yourshave started to incorporate it into daily routines. Perhaps your parents have even gotten into it. In its simplest form, mindfulness is the conscious awareness of whats happening right now, in this very moment. Its not thinking about what youre going to have for lunch in a few hours, or wondering if your friends are going to hang out without you this weekend. The practice of mindfulness can be applied to anythingif youre eating a meal and are aware of everything youre eating, thats mindful eating. In the same way, if youre doing your homeworkyes, you do it mindfully, too! One way to practice mindfulness is through meditation, which celebrities from Emma Watson to Katy Perry practice. (Youll see that there are many simple ways to meditateit doesnt have to mean sitting cross-legged on a mountaintop!) Mindfulness meditation is a way to approach stressful situationsbig and smallin a calm, thoughtful way.

But mindfulness meditation isnt a one-time, cure-all magic bullet; its a lifestyle, something you practice each and every day (like playing soccer or the clarinet). The more you practice it, the more natural it feels, and the more it can help you. Before you know it, youll feel like your day isnt complete without sitting quietly to remind yourself of a favorite mantra!

This book will break down common stressful situations you probably encounter in your life, whether its school stressors, relationship problems, issues with your best friend, doubts about your self-worth, or worries about the future. Then youll learn ways that mindfulness meditation can help you deal with that particular scenario. Each entry wraps up with a mantraa sentence or two that you can say out loud or in your head to remind yourself to be in the present moment. You can turn to these mantras whenever you need them, like right before a big test, or at the end of a stressful day before you go to bed. Once you remember to stop, breathe, relax, and chill, youre able to face your problem in a totally mindful wayand make your life happier, healthier, and less stressful.

Life is a dance. Mindfulness is witnessing that dance.

Amit Ray

If you think meditation is weird, boring, pointless, or only for hippies, think again. Meditating is an increasingly common (and popular!) way to insert a peaceful pause in your otherwise chaotic day, and you can literally do it anytime, anywhere. You dont have to be wearing any special clothes or playing any special music. (Youll probably discover certain preferences as you practice, though!) This chapter outlines the basics of how to start meditating.

The first step in learning meditation is to stop. Yes, stop freaking out about your chemistry test, stop checking your Instagram feed, stop fuming about having to clean your room. Instead, set aside five minutes to devote to meditation, time that you would have otherwise wasted to fear, the bottomless hole that is the Internet, or anger. Set a reminder on your phone if you need toand then put your phone away. Remember, theres no right wayand certainly no wrong wayto practice. The important thing to remember is to do it every day when youre starting out, preferably at the same time each day. Maybe in the morning before you go to school, or right before bed each night.

Take a deep breath. Really deep. Did it feel strange? Like you maybe havent taken a proper breath in a long time?

Odds are, you dont think too much about breathing most of the day (or at all), and thats because when youre focused on other tasks, the control center part of your brain goes on autopilot, sending signals that tell your lungs to inhale oxygen and exhale carbon dioxide and, you know, stay alive.

The autopilot breathing is shallow, the opposite of a belly breath that travels down your body and expands your ribcage. Belly breathing sends a message to your brain to let your body know, Hey, Body, chill. Everythings cool here. Weve got this. Deep breathing is the key to mindfulness meditation, as is reminding yourself to always be in the present and observe it without judgment or additional thought.

Think of it this way: Breathing is the first thing you do when youre born. Its the last thing youll do in your lifetime. Your breathing is the thread that weaves together the tapestry of your life. When you breathe, you can only do it in the present. You cant go back and breathe differently in the past, and you cant hoard future breaths. You only have this present moment. Thats why breathing is so important to mindfulness. Well get more into breathing later on in the book, too.

For your first meditation, try sitting in whatever way you find comfortable. If that means sitting cross-legged on a mat, fine, but you could just be sitting on a park bench or in your parked car. Keep your eyes open and remember, this is just a trial run. Start breathing deeply, gently letting your mind focus on your breath. If your thoughts wander, dont worry about it! Gently remind yourself to go back to thinking about the present and focusing on your breath. Forgive yourself for letting your thoughts meander, and withhold any judgment that youre not doing it right.

In this first meditation, dont worry about incorporating a mantra or go in with the expectation of wanting to come out on the other side calmer and totally enlightened (trust me on this; meditation is a practice, not a thing to perfect!). Try imagining your thoughts as a stream, and you watch them trickle by as you sit by the waters edge. As your thoughts flow by, simply visualize watching them. If you start obsessing over one thought, reset yourself and try again. This will take time, but its important not to get frustrated. Youll get the hang of it!