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Bernstein - Emotional vampires: dealing with people who drain you dry

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Protect yourself from people who take undue advantage and suck the energy out of your life

Emotional Vampires will help you cope effectively with the people in your life that confound you, confuse you, and seem to sap every ounce of your energy. Bestselling author Dr. Al Bernstein shows you how to recognize each vampire typeantisocial, histrionic, narcissists, obsessive-compulsives, paranoidsand deal with them effectively. He uses many examples from the latest news headlines, which will help you distinguish between the types and deepen your understanding of each one.

In response to the daily calls and emails he got about the previous edition of this book, Dr. Al Bernstein has added his advice for dealing with those emotional vampires who come in the shape of spouses and lovers, relatives, and children. Dr. Bernstein shows you how to deal with each vampire type and what you need to do to keep from getting drained.

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Copyright 2012 2001 by Albert J Bernstein All rights reserved Except as - photo 1

Copyright 2012 2001 by Albert J Bernstein All rights reserved Except as - photo 2

Copyright 2012, 2001 by Albert J. Bernstein. All rights reserved. Except as permitted under the United States Copyright Act of 1976, no part of this publication may be reproduced or distributed in any form or by any means, or stored in a database or retrieval system, without the prior written permission of the publisher.

ISBN: 978-0-07-179096-3
MHID: 0-07-179096-9

The material in this eBook also appears in the print version of this title: ISBN: 978-0-07-179095-6, MHID: 0-07-179095-0.

All trademarks are trademarks of their respective owners. Rather than put a trademark symbol after every occurrence of a trademarked name, we use names in an editorial fashion only, and to the benefit of the trademark owner, with no intention of infringement of the trademark. Where such designations appear in this book, they have been printed with initial caps.

McGraw-Hill eBooks are available at special quantity discounts to use as premiums and sales promotions, or for use in corporate training programs. To contact a representative please e-mail us at bulksales@mcgraw-hill.com.

TERMS OF USE

This is a copyrighted work and The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. (McGraw-Hill) and its licensors reserve all rights in and to the work. Use of this work is subject to these terms. Except as permitted under the Copyright Act of 1976 and the right to store and retrieve one copy of the work, you may not decompile, disassemble, reverse engineer, reproduce, modify, create derivative works based upon, transmit, distribute, disseminate, sell, publish or sublicense the work or any part of it without McGraw-Hills prior consent. You may use the work for your own noncommercial and personal use; any other use of the work is strictly prohibited. Your right to use the work may be terminated if you fail to comply with these terms.

THE WORK IS PROVIDED AS IS. McGRAW-HILL AND ITS LICENSORS MAKE NO GUARANTEES OR WARRANTIES AS TO THE ACCURACY, ADEQUACY OR COMPLETENESS OF OR RESULTS TO BE OBTAINED FROM USING THE WORK, INCLUDING ANY INFORMATION THAT CAN BE ACCESSED THROUGH THE WORK VIA HYPERLINK OR OTHERWISE, AND EXPRESSLY DISCLAIM ANY WARRANTY, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO IMPLIED WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTABILITY OR FITNESS FOR A PARTICULAR PURPOSE. McGraw-Hill and its licensors do not warrant or guarantee that the functions contained in the work will meet your requirements or that its operation will be uninterrupted or error free. Neither McGraw-Hill nor its licensors shall be liable to you or anyone else for any inaccuracy, error or omission, regardless of cause, in the work or for any damages resulting therefrom. McGraw-Hill has no responsibility for the content of any information accessed through the work. Under no circumstances shall McGraw-Hill and/or its licensors be liable for any indirect, incidental, special, punitive, consequential or similar damages that result from the use of or inability to use the work, even if any of them has been advised of the possibility of such damages. This limitation of liability shall apply to any claim or cause whatsoever whether such claim or cause arises in contract, tort or otherwise.

To the Girls,
Luahna, Jessica, and Clara

Contents

Who Are These Emotional Vampires?

If Emotional Vampires Are Children, What Does It Take to Be a Grown-Up?

How Emotional Vampires Are Different from and More Dangerous than Other Annoying People

The Antisocial Types

Sexy Thrilling and Definitely Bad for Your Health Daredevil Lovers and - photo 3

Sexy, Thrilling, and Definitely Bad for Your Health

Daredevil Lovers and Spouses

Slicker than Cheap Polyester, So Always Remember to Read the Fine Print

Big, Scary, Powerful, and Stupid as the Guys Who Used to Take Lunch Money

The Histrionic Types

Whether Its Sex Sickness or Secrets of Success Theres Only One Show Business - photo 4

Whether Its Sex, Sickness, or Secrets of Success, Theres Only One Show Business

Deliver Us from Ghoulies and Ghosties and People Who Are Only Trying to Help

The Narcissistic Types

With Talent Like Theirs Who Needs Performance Youve Got to Love These Guys - photo 5

With Talent Like Theirs, Who Needs Performance?

Youve Got to Love These Guys! Worship Them, Actually

The Obsessive-Compulsive Types

Can the Undead Be Anal-Retentive The Paranoid Types Inspiration Always - photo 6

Can the Undead Be Anal-Retentive?

The Paranoid Types

Inspiration Always Involves Blowing Things out of Proportion Acknowledgments - photo 7

Inspiration Always Involves Blowing Things out of Proportion

Acknowledgments

Without the following peoples help and support, this book could never have materialized:

Mindy Ranik, who came up with the title and provided about 10,000 miles worth of support during the writing of the original Vampires and this new edition.

My esteemed colleagues Luahna Ude and Bob Poole, clinicians of rare wisdom and rarer wit, who shared countless insights into the minds of vampires.

My agent, Janet Rosen of Sheree Bykofsky Associates, who is always there with an idea when I need one.

My editors, Leila Porteous, Casey Ebro, and Peter McCurdy who have shepherded me through the process of writing and production.

My friends Peter Bessas, Sundari SitaRam, Jenna Eckert, Donna Sherwood, and Janine Robbins, who have helped and supported me through various aspects of this project.

Most of all, I want to thank my familyLuahna, Jessica, Josh, and Clarafor putting up with me while writing, a feat requiring as much courage and forbearance as visiting Draculas Castle at midnight.

About the Author

Albert J. Bernstein, PhD, is a clinical psychologist and business consultant who lives in Portland, Oregon, with his wife, Luahna, who is also a psychologist. Their grown children, Jessica and Josh, and their granddaughter, Clara, also live in Portland. Al is the author of a number of books on psychology and business. To find out more about him and his work, visit his website, albernstein.com.

1 Children of the Night

Who Are These Emotional Vampires?

Vampires stalk you, even as we speak. On broad daylit streets, under the blue pulsations of your office fluorescents, and maybe even in the warm lights of home, theyre out there, masquerading as regular people until their internal needs change them into predatory beasts.

Its not your blood they drain; its your emotional energy.

Make no mistake, we arent talking about everyday annoyances that swarm around you like bugs in a porch light, easily whisked away with affirmations and assertive I statements. These are authentic creatures of darkness. They have the power not only to aggravate you, but to hypnotize you, to cloud your mind with false promises until you are tangled in their spell.

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