Bernstein - Emotional vampires: dealing with people who drain you dry

Copyright 2012, 2001 by Albert J. Bernstein. All rights reserved. Except as permitted under the United States Copyright Act of 1976, no part of this publication may be reproduced or distributed in any form or by any means, or stored in a database or retrieval system, without the prior written permission of the publisher.

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To the Girls,
Luahna, Jessica, and Clara

Who Are These Emotional Vampires?

If Emotional Vampires Are Children, What Does It Take to Be a Grown-Up?

How Emotional Vampires Are Different from and More Dangerous than Other Annoying People

The Antisocial Types

Sexy, Thrilling, and Definitely Bad for Your Health

Daredevil Lovers and Spouses

Slicker than Cheap Polyester, So Always Remember to Read the Fine Print

Big, Scary, Powerful, and Stupid as the Guys Who Used to Take Lunch Money

The Histrionic Types

Whether Its Sex, Sickness, or Secrets of Success, Theres Only One Show Business

Deliver Us from Ghoulies and Ghosties and People Who Are Only Trying to Help

The Narcissistic Types

With Talent Like Theirs, Who Needs Performance?

Youve Got to Love These Guys! Worship Them, Actually

The Obsessive-Compulsive Types

Can the Undead Be Anal-Retentive?

The Paranoid Types

Inspiration Always Involves Blowing Things out of Proportion

Without the following peoples help and support, this book could never have materialized:

Mindy Ranik, who came up with the title and provided about 10,000 miles worth of support during the writing of the original Vampires and this new edition.

My esteemed colleagues Luahna Ude and Bob Poole, clinicians of rare wisdom and rarer wit, who shared countless insights into the minds of vampires.

My agent, Janet Rosen of Sheree Bykofsky Associates, who is always there with an idea when I need one.

My editors, Leila Porteous, Casey Ebro, and Peter McCurdy who have shepherded me through the process of writing and production.

My friends Peter Bessas, Sundari SitaRam, Jenna Eckert, Donna Sherwood, and Janine Robbins, who have helped and supported me through various aspects of this project.

Most of all, I want to thank my familyLuahna, Jessica, Josh, and Clarafor putting up with me while writing, a feat requiring as much courage and forbearance as visiting Draculas Castle at midnight.

Albert J. Bernstein, PhD, is a clinical psychologist and business consultant who lives in Portland, Oregon, with his wife, Luahna, who is also a psychologist. Their grown children, Jessica and Josh, and their granddaughter, Clara, also live in Portland. Al is the author of a number of books on psychology and business. To find out more about him and his work, visit his website, albernstein.com.

Who Are These Emotional Vampires?

Vampires stalk you, even as we speak. On broad daylit streets, under the blue pulsations of your office fluorescents, and maybe even in the warm lights of home, theyre out there, masquerading as regular people until their internal needs change them into predatory beasts.

Its not your blood they drain; its your emotional energy.

Make no mistake, we arent talking about everyday annoyances that swarm around you like bugs in a porch light, easily whisked away with affirmations and assertive I statements. These are authentic creatures of darkness. They have the power not only to aggravate you, but to hypnotize you, to cloud your mind with false promises until you are tangled in their spell.