Bernstein - Spirit Junkie: A Radical Road to Self-Love and Miracles

Copyright 2011 by Gabrielle Bernstein
Foreword copyright 2011 by Marianne Williamson

Published in the United States by Harmony Books, an imprint of the Crown Publishing Group, a division of Random House LLC, a Penguin Random House Company, New York.
www.crownpublishing.com

Harmony Books is a registered trademark, and the Circle colophon is a trademark of Random House LLC.

Originally published in hardcover in the United States by Harmony Books, an imprint of the Crown Publishing Group, a division of Random House LLC, New York, in 2011, and subsequently published in paperback by Three Rivers Press, an imprint of the Crown Publishing Group, a division of Random House LLC, New York, in 2012.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Bernstein, Gabrielle.

Spirit junkie : a radical road to self-love and miracles / Gabrielle Bernstein.
p. cm.

1. Self-acceptance. 2. Self-esteem. 3. Self-realization. 4. Course in Miracles. I. Title.
BF575.S37B47 2011
158.1dc22 2011009236

ISBN 978-0-307-88742-9
eISBN 978-0-307-88741-2

Text photographs courtesy of Sam Bassett
Cover photography by Christopher Lan
Graffiti art courtesy of 5Pointz Aerosol Center, Inc.

v3.1_r3

For my mother. Thank you for being
my spiritual running buddy.

Gabrielle Bernstein is both a teacher and a storyteller, looking to the truth shes found in her own everyday experiences to mine the gold that is her gift to others. She realized years agoas I once did myselfthat if there were a force that could turn her messy life around, then shed be compelled to share her story.

Spirit Junkie teaches clearly and entertainingly how to apply spiritual principles to practical concerns, by demonstrating how Gabrielle has done so herself. From love to career to other issues involved in simply being alive in these times, you can see her trip, fall, and come right back up. Then you see her get to the point where she doesnt even fall anymore. And, ultimately, you realize that youve learned so much from her that you think you can get there, too. A miracle for her has become a miracle for you.

Gabrielle has reminded me of our first encounter. Years ago, having stood in line to speak to me after one of my lectures, she asked how I would apply the principles of A Course in Miracles to people her age. To that I responded, Read and study the Course. Then ask God how you should share it with your generation. I figured that that was her job.

I was right. And she has done it well.

This book is the story of Gabrielles personal journey, but it is a story that instructs us all. Her sincerity, her willingness, and her true humility before the teachings of A Course in Miracles give her the requisite power of a genuine teacher. May her teaching grow, flourish, and deepen with the years. She has clearly been assigned a most beautiful task, helping legions of people move beyond their psychological and emotional darkness to a spiritual light that she herself has seen. With Spirit Junkie, she continues her work. Thereby, may she and all her readers be blessed.

Marianne Williamson

The journey that we undertake together is the
exchange of dark for light, of ignorance for
understanding. Nothing you understand is
fearful. It is only in darkness and in ignorance
that you perceive the frightening, and shrink
away from it to further darkness. And yet it is
only the hidden that can terrify, not for what it
is, but for its hiddenness.

A COURSE IN MIRACLES

F or more than twenty years I kept a journal. In it I wrote about heartbreak, anxiety, and eating disorders. I wrote about trying to quit drugs while high on drugs. Pages and pages are filled with self-loathing, self-doubt, and a running calorie count. I wrote the same romantic mini-drama with dozens of different names attached. My journal entries were my only outlets from the turmoil and deep-rooted pain I lived with every hour of every day. Through writing Id release my fears onto the page and get honest about my sadness as I scribbled over my tears.

Today my journal entries are much different. They reflect an empowered woman who is happy and bleeds authenticity. Instead of dwelling on my diet or obsessing over romance, I use my journal to honor myself. The words on the page are tinged with pride and compassion. Ive overcome my addictions to love, drugs, food, work, fearyou name it, and Ive recovered. I worked hard, and man, was it worth it. Today each of my journal entries shows a deep desire to continue growing from the inside out.

My primary guide on my journey to self-love has been the metaphysical text A Course in Miracles. The Course is a self-study curriculum emphasizing practical applications for relinquishing fear in all areas of life. The Courses unique thought system uses forgiveness as the road to inner peace and as a guide to happiness. I was first introduced to the principles of the Course through the spiritual teacher Marianne Williamson, known throughout the world for her best-selling books and her international speaking circuit. Marianne is the leading teacher of A Course in Miracles and is a straight-up spiritual rock star.

The Courses lessons have taught me to view my life and how I experienced it in a totally new way. Ive learned that much of what I feared in my life was not frightening at all, or in many instances even real. Ive learned that fear is simply an illusion based on past experiences that we project into the present and onto the future. For instance, I came to realize that my experience of being dumped by my high school boyfriend had morphed into an illusion that I held on to for more than a decade. This simple adolescent breakup managed to morph into a belief system of unworthiness and debilitating fear of being alone.

The lessons of the Course allowed me to see how I replayed this fear from the past in all my relationships from high school onward. In every new relationship I began, Id drag the baggage of that breakup in with me. Even as I was basking in the happiness of being with someone I liked, in the back of my mind lurked a constant fear that my happiness could be snatched away at any moment, and Id be faced with the same heartbreak and trauma Id experienced in that high school relationship. Ultimately that fear would cause me to sabotage my new relationship. When the relationship was over Id try to anesthetize my pain with food, work, andworst of alldrugs. Id do whatever it took to avoid feeling my fears from the past. I was unable to savor simple pleasures and happy moments because I was constantly on guard against fear. This cycle was endless. Im thankful that the Course taught me that the fear I had been lugging around for so many years wasnt even real, that it was just an illusion I had created and was projecting onto my current experiences. Once I experienced this realization, I was able to work through the fear. The more I committed to this new belief system, the less I replayed my past in the present. In time I began to release those fears and witness miraculous changes. This realization was revelatory in that Id awakened to the fact that if I stuck to the