Atteberry Mark - Sensing the rhythm: finding my voice in a world without sound

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Howard Books

An Imprint of Simon & Schuster, Inc.

1230 Avenue of the Americas

New York, NY 10020

www.SimonandSchuster.com

Copyright 2017 by Mandy Harvey and Mark Atteberry

All rights reserved, including the right to reproduce this book or portions thereof in any form whatsoever. For information, address Howard Books Subsidiary Rights Department, 1230 Avenue of the Americas, New York, NY 10020.

First Howard Books hardcover edition September 2017

HOWARD and colophon are trademarks of Simon & Schuster, Inc.

For information about special discounts for bulk purchases, please contact Simon & Schuster Special Sales at 1-866-506-1949 or .

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All Scripture quotations, unless otherwise noted, are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version, NIV, copyright 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

Scripture quotations marked NLT are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright 1996, 2004, 2007 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.

Interior design by Davina Mock-Maniscalco

Jacket design by Min Choi

Jacket photograph Matthew Salacuse/Day Reps

Mandy Harvey photograph Matt Salacuse/Devon Day Reps; Mark Atteberry photograph Paul Wasmund

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is available.

ISBN 978-1-5011-7225-0

ISBN 978-1-5011-7227-4 (ebook)

for everyone whos feeling tempted to give up. may this book give you hope and the courage to keep moving forward.

I m standing in the wings, waiting to go on.

My band members are milling around, bantering in the casual way that accomplished musicians who are fully confident in their abilities tend to do. Theres not a jangled nerve among them, but theres plenty of urgency, like tethered falcons hungry for the hunt. Once they settle behind their instruments, I will sever their bonds with a downbeat and watch them take flight.

It is a thing to behold, this unleashing of talent that fills a room with music the way water fills a submerged pitcher. Shoulders hunch, heads bob, brows wrinkle, fingers dance, all with a symmetry that could no more be prevented than it could be planned. The people in the audience will respond enthusiastically, of course, for they have not ended up here by circling the wrong date on their calendars or taking the wrong exit off the roundabout. They have come to witness the unleashing and to experience the filling.

Yes, it is quite a thing to behold.

It is no doubt quite a thing to hear, too, but Ill have to take your word for that because tonight, once again, I will sing with my amazing musicians, everything from sultry ballads to blistering jazz, without hearing a single note.

Sound impossible?

It does to me, too.

I lost my hearing when I was nineteen. It happened over a period of a few months, leaving me profoundly deaf, which, by the way, is the official term for people who are unable to hear any sound below ninety-five decibels in their better ear. The less tactful among us might say that Im stone deaf or deaf as a post. I just know that tonight I wont hear what everyone else does.

When I walk onstage, I wont hear the master of ceremonies say, Ladies and gentlemen, would you please welcome Mandy Harvey!

When my band kicks off the first tune, I wont hear that amazing chord substitution my piano player throws in or the clever lick my sax player answers with.

When I finish the first tune, I will see the people clapping, but I wont hear their applause.

Most people wonder how its possible for me to be an award-winning professional musician with such a drastic limitation.

How can I sing on pitch without hearing the notes?

How can I stay on beat without hearing the drums and bass?

How can I learn other composers songs when I cant hear them?

How can I write my own songs without the ability to hear the notes and chords I have to choose from?

And, most of all, how did I keep from losing my mind, not to mention my faith, when, as a college music major dreaming of a career in music, my hearing started slowly and irrevocably slipping away?

I decided to write this book not just to answer these questions, but because the twisting, rocky, uphill road Ive been on for the last ten years has given me some life-changing insights, some lessons that I feel are worth sharing.

I cant tell you why I experienced the loss I have or even why Im able to do what I do. I certainly never wanted to be that girl everyone hears about and says, Wow, thats weird! But I must admit: this road, while excruciatingly hard at times, has opened my eyes to truths and realities that a lifetime of study and lectures would never have taught me. The result is that, even minus my hearing, I am a more complete person than I have ever been. Not perfect, as you will see, but farther along the road toward my potential than I would have been without the challenges I have faced.

As I tell you my story, my goal is to share the most pertinent of these life lessons with you in the hope that one or more of them might be just what you need to hear at a critical moment in your life. I promise not to bore you with a tedious chronology of everything thats happened to me, but rather to show you some snapshots of those extraordinary moments when pain and truth collided, causing light and understanding to rain down around me. Perhaps what I share will help you in the way I have been helped.

And so, at the end of each chapter, Ive included a page titled Making Sense of YOUR Rhythm, which summarizes the lessons in that chapter. It is my hope and prayer that the lessons Ive learned along the way will give you hopeand maybe a little guidanceas you find your own unique and beautiful rhythm.

John Wooden, the legendary basketball coach, once said, Things turn out best for people who make the best of the way things turn out.

Blessed are the piecemakers.

sign in a quilt shop

I was a first-semester freshman at Colorado State University. I should have been filled with the excitement of taking on a new challenge, making new friends, and finally starting to chase my dream. But something was wrong with me, and living in denial just wasnt working anymore. Trips to the doctor had revealed that I had lost forty decibels of hearing in both ears. Unless my hearing free fall suddenly stopped, which I knew wasnt likely, I would soon be deaf.