Barbara L. Fredrickson Ph.D - Love 2.0: how our supreme emotion affects everything we feel, think, do, and become

LOVE 2.0

HUDSON STREET PRESS

Published by Penguin Group

Penguin Group (USA) Inc., 375 Hudson Street, New York, New York 10014, USA Penguin Group (Canada), 90 Eglinton Avenue East, Suite 700, Toronto, Ontario M4P 2Y3, Canada (a division of Pearson Penguin Canada Inc.) Penguin Books Ltd, 80 Strand, London WC2R 0RL, England Penguin Ireland, 25 St Stephens Green, Dublin 2, Ireland (a division of Penguin Books Ltd) Penguin Group (Australia), 707 Collins Street, Melbourne, Victoria 3008, Australia (a division of Pearson Australia Group Pty Ltd) Penguin Books India Pvt Ltd, 11 Community Centre, Panchsheel Park, New Delhi 110 017, India Penguin Group (NZ), 67 Apollo Drive, Rosedale, Auckland 0632, New Zealand (a division of Pearson New Zealand Ltd) Penguin Books, Rosebank Office Park, 181 Jan Smuts Avenue, Parktown North 2193, South Africa Penguin China, B7 Jaiming Center, 27 East Third Ring Road North, Chaoyang District, Beijing 100020, China

Penguin Books Ltd., Registered Offices: 80 Strand, London WC2R 0RL, England

First published by Hudson Street Press, a member of Penguin Group (USA) Inc.

First Printing, January 2013

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

Copyright Barbara L. Fredrickson, 2013

All rights reserved

REGISTERED TRADEMARKMARCA REGISTRADA

LIBRARY OF CONGRESS CATALOGING-IN-PUBLICATION DATA

Fredrickson, Barbara, L.

Love 2.0 : how our supreme emotion affects everything we think, do, feel, and become / Barbara L.
Fredrickson.

p. cm.

Includes bibliographical references and index.

ISBN 978-1-101-60984-2

1. LovePsychological aspects. I.Title.

BF575.L8F72 2013

152.4'1dc23

2012018970

Printed in the United States of America

Set in Bell MT Std

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To you, and to those in whom your love resonates

PART I

The Vision

CHAPTER 1

Love, Our Supreme Emotion

THE ESKIMOS HAD FIFTY-TWO NAMES FOR SNOW
BECAUSE IT WAS IMPORTANT TO THEM: THERE OUGHT
TO BE AS MANY FOR LOVE.

Margaret Atwood

L onging. You know the feeling. Its that ache of sensing that something vital is missing from your life; a deep thirst for more. More meaning, more connection, more energymore something. Longing is that feeling that courses through your body just before you decide that youre restless, lonely, or unhappy.

Longing like this is not just another mental state. Its deeply physical. Your body craves some essential nutrient that its not getting, yet you cant quite put your finger on what it is. Sometimes you can numb this ache with a deep dive into work, gossip, television, or gaming. More often than not, though, these and other attempts to fill the aching void are merely temporary distractions. The longing doesnt let up. It trails you like a shadow, insistently, making distractions all the more appealing. And distractions aboundthat second or third glass of wine, that stream of texts and tweets, that couch and remote control.

Odds are, food is abundant in your life. And clean drinking water is as close as the nearest faucet and virtually limitless. You have access to reasonably clean air and adequate shelter. Those basic needs have long been met. What you long for now is far more intangible.

What you long for is love. Whether youre single or not, whether you spend your days largely in isolation or steadily surrounded by the buzz of conversation, love is the essential nutrient that your cells crave: true positivity-charged connection with other living beings.

Love, as it turns out, nourishes your body the way the right balance of sunlight, nutrient-rich soil, and water nourishes plants and allows them to flourish. The more you experience it, the more you open up and grow, becoming wiser and more attuned, more resilient and effective, happier and healthier. You grow spiritually as well, better able to see, feel, and appreciate the deep interconnections that inexplicably tie you to others, that embed you within the grand fabric of life.

Just as your body was designed to extract oxygen from the earths atmosphere, and nutrients from the foods you ingest, your body was designed to love. Lovelike taking a deep breath or eating an orange when youre depleted and thirstynot only feels great but is also life-giving, an indispensable source of energy, sustenance, and health.

When I compare love to oxygen and food, Im not just taking poetic license. Im drawing on science: new science that illuminates for the first time how love, and its absence, fundamentally alters the biochemicals in which your body is steeped. They, in turn, can alter the very ways your DNA gets expressed within your cells. The love you do or do not experience today may quite literally change key aspects of your cellular architecture next season and next yearcells that affect your physical health, your vitality, and your overall well-being. In these ways and more, just as your supplies of clean air and nutritious food forecast how long youll walk this earthand whether youll thrive or just get byso does your supply of love.

Its Not What You Think

To absorb what the new science of love has to offer, youll need to step back from love as you may now know it. Forget about the love that you typically hear on the radio, the one thats centered on desire and yearns for touch from a new squeeze. Set aside the take on love your family might have offered you, one that requires that you love your relatives unconditionally, regardless of whether their actions disturb you, or their aloofness leaves you cold. Im even asking you to set aside your view of love as a special bond or relationship, be it with your spouse, partner, or soul mate. And if youve come to view love as a commitment, promise, or pledge, through marriage or any other loyalty ritual, prepare for an about-face. I need you to step back from all of your preconceptions and consider an upgrade. Love 2.0 offers a different perspectiveyour bodys perspective.

If you were asked today, by a roving reporter or an inquisitive dinner party guest, to provide your own definition of love, your answer would likely reflect a mishmash of shared cultural messages and your own deeply personal experiences with intimacy. However compelling your answer, Id wager that your body has its ownquite differentdefinition of love. Thats what this book is about. Love is not sexual desire or the blood-ties of kinship. Nor is it a special bond or commitment. Sure enough, love is closely related to each of these important concepts. Yet none, I will argue, capture the true meaning of love as your body experiences it.