Kim Fredrickson - The Power of Positive Self-Talk

Why Write This Book?

Over my last thirty years as a marriage and family therapist, I have had many, many clients who were very hard on themselvesnot because they wanted to be, but because they didnt know what else to do when they failed, made mistakes, made poor decisions, or couldnt foresee the future.

My heart went out to them because I saw them through such different eyes. I saw good people who were doing their best to deal with life. They sometimes succeeded and sometimes failedjust like all of us. What gets us into trouble arent our failures, but what we do with them. How we treat ourselves when we have unmet needs and encounter failures determines the course of our relationship with ourselves. Many, but not all, of my clients have had a strong belief in God and known that they were forgiven for their sins. However, even with this head knowledge, they didnt always feel forgiven. Instead they felt like they either had to continue to punish themselves for what theyd done, or make up for it because they had no way to let it go.

And so I moved forward with this book when I couldnt find any resources that approached self-compassion (interacting kindly with yourself with both truth and grace) from a faith perspective. Self-compassion is essential for both handling and recovering from the difficulties of life. Without it, we are vulnerable to the opinions of others, as well as the negative messages from the inner critic most of us carry around inside of us.

My hopes for this book are first, that it provides some understanding of why self-compassion is so hard to extend to ourselves, and second, that it provides hope and practical help in learning to relate to ourselves in healthy and gracious ways.

For some of you, individual reading and practice will be just what you need. For others, working through this with a group of trusted friends will be helpful (see appendix B). And for still others, working through this with a kind and compassionate therapist and/or support group will be what you need.

There are different ways to interact with yourself as you process the material in this book. As you work through it, you may want to get a journal and write down your responses to what youve read as well as your reactions to the compassionate messages and self-soothing exercises. Above all, be kind to yourself as you process this information. Dont be surprised if you have mixed responses. Many of us have not received much compassion in our lives, and while we are thirsty for it we may also have a negative reaction to it. If you are one of the many who have this kind of reaction, use it as a way to validate that this is an area of needed internal growth. Trust that you will benefit from this material, and give yourself the support you need; a therapist or support group can help you process this new way of looking at and interacting with yourself. I have seen many, many men and women grow profoundly in their ability to be compassionate with themselves, and theres no reason you cant too!

I wish you the very best as you process this material either individually or as a group. It is my privilege to facilitate your journey of transforming your inner critic into a compassionate friend. I am also walking this journey as I balance interacting with myself kindly with both grace and truth. Lets start a new path together.