Kentgen - An intentional life: five foundations of authenticity & purpose

An
Intentional
Life

Five Foundations
of Authenticity & Purpose

LISA KENTGEN, Ph.D.

2018 by Lisa Kentgen

www.drlisakentgen.com

Published in the United States by
Stryder Press

80 Eighth Avenue, Suite 709
New York, NY, 10011

ISBN (paperback) 978-1-7322001-0-4

ISBN (ebook) 978-1-7322001-1-1

Cover and interior design by Jason Anscomb.

Ebook conversion by Jennifer Soucy.

This publication is designed to provide helpful and authoritative information in regard to the subject matter covered. It is sold with the understanding that it does not offer specific mental health advice. If professional assistance or psychotherapy is needed, the services of a licensed mental health professional should be sought.

Authors Note: Names and identifying characteristics in this work have been changed.

All rights reserved. Except for brief excerpts for review purposes, no part of this book may be reproduced or used in any form without written permission from the author or publisher.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication data is available.

An
Intentional
Life

Five Foundations
of Authenticity & Purpose

Lisa Kentgen, Ph.D.

Lisa Kentgen has written a profoundly practical book. Those who follow the guidance she offers in An Intentional Life are highly likely to experience untold benefits.

Sharon Salzberg, author of Lovingkindness and Real Happiness

An Intentional Life exemplifies Lisa Kentgens gift for seamlessly linking theoretical concepts with pragmatic application of change-making practices. She has a way of encouraging fruitful self-examination that is critical for personal transformation. This is a special book, offering pragmatic insight, wisdom, and guidance for the readers personal journey toward authenticity.

Lena Verdeli, Ph.D. Director, Global Mental Health Lab, Teachers College, Columbia University

Lisa Kentgen conveys ideas that are powerful in a knowing, yet soothing and calm voicefree of jargon. Importantly, she provides the reader with ways to make the ideas experience-near, which is essential for real change. Her work comfortably and substantively straddles the mindfulness and Western psychology traditions; written in a conversational tone while thorough and precise in its understanding. This gem of a book will be an invaluable resource for clients to complement the work of psychotherapy. It will be a wonderful accompaniment to readers who have their own mindfulness or meditation practices. It also stands on its own for readers who have never been in therapy or who are unfamiliar with mindfulness practices. I am a fan of this book!

Diana Fosha, Ph.D., Director and Founder, The AEDP Institute

Filled with powerful stories and insights, An Intentional Life offers an invaluable framework for creating a life of authenticity and purpose. Dr. Kentgen is an expert guide, blending wisdom, warmth, and practical know-how to inspire us to skillfully turn inward and shape a life that intimately aligns with our values. With the world becoming ever more complex
and confusing we need this book more than ever.

Rachel Klein, Ph.D., Fascitelli Family Professor of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, NYU Medical Center

In this engaging and smart book, Lisa Kentgen takes an approach to a fundamental questionhow can we live authentically? that is both commonsensical and wise. Dr. Kentgen offers clear-eyed, big-hearted guidance for directing and expanding our ability to observe ourselves and our world closely and fruitfully. The rewards of this undertakingnovelty and adventure, balance, and clarityare within our reach, and Kentgen knows how to help us get there. This is a truly useful book.

Martha Cooley, author of The Archivist and Guesswork: A Reckoning with Loss

Lisa Kentgens writing and philosophy are as clear-eyed, compassionate, and proactive as the woman herself. This book is a culmination of Dr. Kentgens distinguished career as a clinician, teacher, and practitioner of mindfulness, providing a roadmap to self-empowerment and authenticity through intentional practices. As a teacher and facilitator, she embodies the qualities put forth in her work. Dr. Kentgen is a force to be reckoned with and this is a book that can change your life.

Mark Matousek, author of When Youre Falling, Dive an d Writing to Awaken

H eartfelt thanks to Mark Matousek who offered skilled guidance, valued friendship, and support at the right moments every step of the way. Many thanks to other creative people who worked on the moving pieces that brought the manuscript into book form, including: Deborah Malmud for her developmental suggestions; Mariah Eppes for editorial assistance; Jason Anscomb for a beautiful cover and interior book design; Rebecca Miller and Evan Novis for creative input on related projects. Thanks to Tyler Wagner for helping navigate the social media world. Gratitude to Sarah Deming for input into an earlier draft of the book. Thanks to Bethany Birkett for guidance in my relationship to writing. Thanks to Rachel Klein for teaching me the value of asking helpful questions. Thanks to Diana Fosha for offering me, as a young clinician, powerful tools that help clients access deeper ways of knowing. Gratitude to dear friends who celebrate risk-taking in the name of authenticity. I thank my family for their support and love, my parents, Donna and David Kentgen, and my sisters, Teresa Schader and Michelle Schaefer.

To all of the spiritual teachers, peace and justice activists, and old souls who have been my models and guides for living authentically. There are few direct references in An Intentional Life . Yet the written word of wise, contemplative women and men, both living and long dead, has been an essential part of my own path to intention. The influence of numerous dharma teachers is in these pages. I include books written by teachers in the selected bibliography. Retreats with guides like Pema Chodron, Christina Feldman, Stephen Batchelor, Sharon Salzberg, Rodney Smith, Narayan Liebenson, Joseph Goldstein, Tara Brach, and others have helped me access the knowledge that was waiting to come to the fore. Being in the presence of spiritual teachers like the Dalai Lama and Thich Nhat Hanh have inspired me to prioritize an intentional path that extends beyond my personal tribe to include all beings.

Most of all, the co-authors of this book are my clients and students in psychotherapy and other settings. Their courageous, explorative deep dives helped create a language around intention that has deepened my faith in the path Ive outlined in An Intentional Life . I thank them for enriching my thinking and my life.

B rian had everything he had ever wanteda wife and daughter he loved and a rewarding career. Yet, now in his mid-forties, he felt restless and experienced himself as just going through the motions, unable to appreciate the life he had dreamed of achieving. He feared that, despite all he had, he would wake up in twenty years to find that life had passed him by.

Brian was reluctant to look closely at his experience of restlessness and low-level dissatisfaction because he feared that if he looked too closely, he would discover that he didnt want the life he had spent years building. What if, when he discovered the purpose he felt his life was lacking, it wouldnt fit with what he had created with his wife? Could there be room in their relationship for what he sought, or did the lifestyle they shared interfere with a life of greater purpose? He kept this last possibility at a distance because it was intolerable to him.