Gough - Black, White and a Little Blue

Black, White
and
a Little Blue Siobhan Gough AuthorHouse 1663 Liberty Drive Bloomington, IN 47403 www.authorhouse.com Phone: 1-800-839-8640 2012 by Siobhan Gough. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author. Published by AuthorHouse 06/25/2012 ISBN: 978-1-4772-1412-1 (sc) ISBN: 978-1-4772-1415-2 (e) Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models,
and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only. Certain stock imagery Thinkstock. Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid.

The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them. Contents A little insight, but not definitive. To friends and family Love you all. Its the sheer terror, Blood gushing down your head, And the screams, your screams, But it seems outside of you Not coming from within. Its the fluid, as the strong hand Comes thumping down on your face, And your brain moves for a moment Inside your head, you cant hear, Its not coming from within. Its the pleading to stop and Youll agree to anything, anything To make it seem like the nightmare Is nearly over.

And youll nod your Head, with blood in your eyes. Its the embarrassment, you cant Go outyou must stay in, the already Painted eye shadowyou must match The other one upagain Its coming from without, not within Could I have walked in the shoes Of the Fisherman? Could I have Left everything and followed one man? Could I have stood and looked at the Great lake and taken a step? Faltering tentatively behind one man? Could I have left my home and All those who loved me, on a mission That would end in certain death? Would I have betrayed, so afraid, So lonely, only three calls to A broken heartsoulfriend alone? Could I have stayed and watched It happen, powerless to stop it all? All because I had followed one man? Could I have watched the strength of The women, there to the last, crying in Pain, because they loved one man? Could I have sat in that little room And spoken in tongues, with heart Renewed ready to serve anew? Could I have walked the road to Rome, Knowing the X was waiting me there, With unwavering love, unwavering faith? Could I have accepted my fate complete, Not worthy, upside down, heart strong, Grief, pain, nearly over? Could I have walked in the fishermans shoes? I sometimes think that I am Trapped in the mind of someone else. I am part of some other plan That I have someone elses pulse. I wake and sleep and wake and sleep In the hope that it will go away, But the dawn knows me too well and keeps Me here, I cant go, I must stay. I have a part and its unique and here It must be played out, the audience All those alive on this rotating sphere, I am trapped in their presence. Yet, if this is what I have chosen, If this is what I have said yes to, Then I must play my part well, not frozen In time, a part of me, a part of you.

That churning feeling in the pit Of your stomach, that says Hes not coming back Not any day. Feeling that feeling again, of Not good enough, what is it about me That turns them all away Hes not coming back Not today. Do I always start at the start With such joy, once again found a Beautiful boy? But hes not coming back to play. Time is so fleeting, it runs Past us all, I have to accept it, I wanted to fall. But hes not coming back, Ever. There was a time my life was bare, I smiled and walked as if I didnt care, I threw my shoulders back, walked in the sun, Pretended I was good with everyone.

I hid a sorrow deep inside, Foolish me, foolish pride, I listened to all and counselled some Finished the day, alone and none Of the hope, that there is in life, I nearly finished it all, mother, wife, Who am I, Where have I come from, Sister, lover, betrayer, none Off all I had wanted to be, But then again who are we, To know the meaning of the day, To know the reason why we stay? Ive sat and thought and thought and thought, Cried and walked and walked and walked, Asked the heavens to stop it all, Called in helpers, one and all. Postured over many things, Asked for comfort from angel wings, Turned to drink, no comfort there, Every bottle, every stare Off little eyes, that hope today Will be different, happy, gay, Mummy back the way she used to be, Loving, gentle, smiling, carefree. The smell is acrid, taste not sweet, Too drunk to hear the little feet, Too drunk, to know the pain thats there, Too drunk to even really care. Too selfish, bitter, torn in pain, Another glass, again, again, Those little feet will one day will grow, Time passes, but you wont know, The resentment, sadness that you brought, Little soul, you had no thought, Its like a noose and getting tight, It takes it all and leaves no life. Those posit notes, pink lips and white, Sweet little nothings to read at night, The gentle word, the fleeting hand, Stolen hands in rooms of glances. What are the chances we would meet? Could it have happened on the streets? Steel cold bars, in a cold, angry place, So many around us we had to face.

The laughter often it did come And for a moment we could see the sun And its gentle rays, come dancing in On a kitchen worktop with rolling pin. In front of windows we did stand, Stolen emotions, outstretched hands, Senses heightened, always aware, Not in here, you wouldnt dare. Soft green eyes, so wise, so young, Open Face, so innocent but living Your freedom and paid the price, It wasnt worth it, it wasnt nice To have seen you in this hell hole, But I did find you, thats my grace, You are in my heart and every place That I will travel, where I will be, I am here with you, youre here with me. This screaming anger that lives Inside, that wont go away because thats how you saw, what you Learnt, this is what love is Is meant Too be, lash out irrationally. If they hit you, hit them Back, twice as hard, whack Whack, back in your face The place You can look at and see the Pain, no pain, no gain. This screaming anger really knows How to let you hit the blows Even harder.

See a little hand go up, hit Anyway, dont think to stop And see the damage done, Sorry again, sorry son, you always Hugged anyway, especially when I cried That day. This anger misses little eyes, Misses their pain inside And what they are learning love is Meant to be, a hug, a kiss, a kick You see? The black cat mask lying on the floor Made me think, thats why they Are black, to hide in the night. They blend in beautifully with the darkness, Harnessed by their green eyes, pink nose And white teeth, easy prey, no, meet- They are smelt by their companions one and all But we, we cannot see them, smartest Creatures of all, or hear their subtle call. They own us, not we, but them and then The night comes to an end, with graceful Legs they meet the door, good morning One and all. I care for you, for who you are, I care for you more, for who you are Going to be. I care for you, not for the reality Of your situation But your ideals.

I hope that your desires are great And that you go forward To something great. I travel with you, So therefore, I care. At 12 Oclock tonight Theres a place Im going to be, Its a little old house Not by the sea. Its small and homely And love is there Its with someone special, With someone who cares. I cant believe the way I feel, I wait and wait and hope youll call, The time between 7.15 and 7.45, Is the longest time of all. I can hear the phones sweet sound And see the red light appear, Then the voice on the other end, The voice I most want to hear.