Johnson - Living Your Unlived Life

Have you ever yearned for a life different from the one you have?

In the first half of life we are busy building careers, finding mates, raising families, fulfilling the cultural tasks demanded of us by society. The cost of modern civilization is that we necessarily become one-sided, increasingly specialized in our education, vocations, and personalities. But when we reach a turning point at midlife, our psyches begin searching for what is authentic, true, and meaningful. It is at this time that our unlived lives rear up inside us, demanding attention. This book was written to assist you in transforming regret, disappointment, and dissatisfaction into greater consciousness. It presents intelligent ways to explore paths not taken without causing damage to you or others. Using tools and techniques explained in the pages that follow you will learn to:

• Surrender old limitations;
• Enliven friendships, family, and career;
• Unlock new life options and hidden talents;
• Seize the dangerous opportunities of midlife;
• Master the art of being truly alive in the present moment; and
• Revitalize a connection with symbolic life, the necessary link between ordinary and enlightened consciousness.

The goal of Living Your Unlived Life is to help readers become more attuned to the movements and powers of the invisible world, a world that becomes manifest in our daily lives. Humans require some relation toward the uncharted and mysterious aspects of life that surround us on every side, some orientation not just of the conscious intellect but the whole being. The uniquely human role in the divine drama is to consider and engage these invisible energies, to make them conscious, and to incorporate them into our conduct.

This book draws upon voices spanning cultures, continents, and traditionsfrom ancient Greek myth to Zen sages to Christian mystics to contemporary poets, artists, and scientists. Our greatest teachers, however, have always been our clientsindividuals willing to examine their lives and thereby win their souls. Over the years many people have kindly given permission to discuss their dreams and therapeutic processes. It has been a privilege to share in your journeys. To protect confidentiality, all names have been changed and some information has been blended so that particular individuals cannot be recognized.

Readers will note the use of the singular narrator throughout this book, in references such as my clients or to personal experiences. Examples are taken from the lives and therapy practices of both authors. To facilitate understanding, our ideas and stories are combined.

We wish to express appreciation to Liz Williams at WMS Media, for her valuable suggestions and for finding this book a good home; Jeremy P. Tarcher, a publishing legend with whom we are pleased to be associated; Mitch Horowitz at Tarcher/Penguin, for his good faith and support; Leda Scheintaub at Tarcher/Penguin for her mindful editorial skill; and, James Hollis, a kind friend and an articulate Jungian scholar, for his inspirational books and for sharing Liz with us. Appreciation also is due to Roland Evans, Nora Brunner, and, most particularly, Jordis Ruhl, who read early versions of the manuscript and made valuable suggestions as well as provided loving encouragement along the way.

Robert A. Johnson and Jerry M. Ruhl, Ph.D.

May 2007

A friend of mine recently suffered a miserable demise. He used his money to insulate himself as much as possible from lifes sufferings, yet in his final days he was anxious, regretful, angry, bewildered, resentful, and terrified. As he lay dying, his last words were, If only I had Hearing such lamentationsthe regrets, missed opportunities, lost experiencesis enough to convince anyone to make a survey of their unlived life while there is still time.

Living our unlived life is the most important task in our mature years, to be achieved long before a tragedy shakes us to the bone or we reach our deathbed. To live our unlived life is to become fulfilled, to bring purpose and meaning to our existence.

What is unlived life? It includes all those essential aspects of you that have not been adequately integrated into your experience. We can hear the distant drumbeat of unlived life in the mutterings that go on in the back of our heads: Woulda-coulda-shoulda. Or in second-guessing our life choices. Or those late-night longings. The unexpected grief that arises seemingly out of nowhere. A sense that somehow we have missed the mark or failed to do something we were so sure we were supposed to do. Where did we go wrong, and what is this life that we find ourselves living, so different from what we set out to do?