Albert Ellis - When AA Doesnt Work for You: Rational Steps to Quitting Alcohol

When AA Doesnt Work for You

Rational Steps
to Quitting Alcohol

When AA Doesnt Work for You

Rational Steps
to Quitting Alcohol

by Albert Ellis Ph.D. and Emmett velten, Ph.D.

Barricade Books Inc.
Fort Lee, New Jersey

Published by Barricade Books Inc.
2037 Lemoine Ave., Suite 362, Fort Lee, NJ 07024

Copyright 1992 by The Institute for Rational-Emotive Therapy

All Rights Reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form, by any means, including mechanical, electronic, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except by a reviewer who wishes to quote brief passages in connection with a review written for inclusion in a magazine, newspaper, or broadcast.

Manufactured in Canada.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Ellis, Albert.

When AA doesnt work for you : rational steps to quitting

alcohol / Albert Ellis and Emmett Velten.

p. cm.

ISBN 0-942637-53-4 (pbk.)

1. AlcoholicsRehabilitation. I. Velten, Emmett Charlton.

II. Title.

HV5278.E45 1992

Tenth Printing

Ever since human beings discovered alcohol thousands of years ago, some have drunk too much of it. Theyve sabotaged themselves and others. Many have killed themselves with it. Alcohol is deadlier than all the hard drugs put together. It kills ten times more Americans than heroin does, and twenty times more than cocaine and crack. (Only tobacco is deadlier.) The death toll is a small part of the story, because alcohol abuse also leads to appalling suffering and expense for us, the living. Its worst effects are child and spouse abuse, other violence, incest, broken families, accidents, injuries, absence at work and at home, ill health, and higher insurance rates for us all. In addition, hundreds of thousands of people feel scarred by having been raised with alcohol-addicted family members.

And the heavy drinkers themselves? Not only do many die, but so do the hopes, loves, and dreams of many others. Every day we see on television and in the movies, in magazines and grocery store tabloids the stories of degradation and recovery from the powers and perils of alcohol. Every neighborhoodalmost every block!has its own meeting. The more we think we know about demon rum and the disease of alcoholism, the more its dangers seem to grow. And it isnt just alcohol. Other addictions, unheard-of mere years ago, pop up everywhere and seem to run our lives.

Has the number of addictions increased? If so, why? Is it the stress of modern life? Is it because our parents (and their parents!) had alcohol problems? What about the idea that addictions are caused by our genes?

You may have questions that hit closer to home. People you care aboutloved ones, friends, relatives, neighborsmay drink too much. Youd like to help, but you wonder; If I try to, will I contribute to their problems? Will I enable them? Did I contribute to their problems? Maybe someone told you so. And even showed you one of the many books that point the finger! But how valid is that line of thinking?

Then theres you, the reader, who may ask: Do I have a problem? If my relatives have drinking problems, does that mean I have the wrong genes? Must I develop a drinking (or drug) problem some day? Do I drink too much? Should I (or could I) cut down on my drinking? Why is it so hard to do so? Will I become an alcoholic? What on earth is an alcoholic?

Now that you think about it, with just about everybody claiming to be in recovery from familiar addictions, like alcohol and drugs, as well as from new ones now in vogue, like codependency, could you be an addict and not even know it? Or maybe you do know it. Do you count yourself among the recovering (but never the recovered)? It can give you a good, warm, fuzzy feelingand a safety netto be part of the in group. But here, too, you may have nagging questions:

Am I addicted to recovery meetings?

Even if Im not addicted to the meetings, do I have to go to them the rest of my life?

Will I always want to drink, and if I do have a drop, will I develop raging alcoholism?

If all psychoactive, mood-altering substances are so bad, why do so many old-timers at recovery meetingswith all their years of sobrietychain-smoke and drink huge quantities of coffee?

Why do people cause themselves problems when they know better?

Can I combine sobriety with growth? Can I ever leave behind my identity ofsubstance abuser, in recovery and close that chapter in my life?

Are my only choices: Self-help meetings forever, whether I am dry or sober? Relapse? Or abstinence with white knuckles?

Well, wonder no more! We have written When AA Doesnt Work for You for people who want to work on themselves individually or who want to supplement their therapy or recovery meetings. It will provide answers to the above questions. We base this self-help guide on practical forms of psychotherapy designed to empower you and increase your self-acceptance and freedom. We have concentrated on showing you proven relapse prevention techniques. We will teach you how to direct your own therapy and become an effective self-helper. Specifically, we will demonstrate the ABCs of overcoming addictions, as made famous in Rational-Emotive Therapy (RET).

RET uses an ABC model to enable people to get a handle on their own self-defeating thinking, emotional reactions, and behavior. Lets begin with G, for Goal.

You pick a Goal, such as being happier and suffering less. Almost everyone shares that goal. (Even suicidal people have the goal of being happier and suffering less, for they nearly always believe they will be better off dead.) Once you choose a Goal, you can rate the value of your actions according to how they helpor hinderyour pursuit of that Goal. Your Goal gives meaning to your actions.

The main Goal we shall try to help you achieve in this book is that of giving up problem drinking. Why? Because you have decided that it interferes with your happiness and causes you needless suffering. Too much alcohol makes you fail at important tasks, lose important peoples love, harm others, and create health hazards. You need it like you need rat poison.

Why, though, do you still drink too much? Because of your self-abusive ABCs. Your Goal, we said, is to stop your problem drinking. But your ABCs often lead you to sabotage this G and to drink excessively.

A stands for Activating Events in your life that precede your drinking.

B stands for your Beliefs or what you tell yourself about your As.

C stands for the Consequencesyour feelings and actions that stem from As and Bs.

Suppose that your Goal is to refrain from drinking, even when you have an urge to do so and circumstances tempt you to drink. What are your ABCs when you actually refrain? Something like this:

A (Activating Events): You have had a hard day. You are at a party and friends keep urging you to have a drink. You know that they will be pleased if you do drink and that you will feel relaxed and will enjoy drinking.

B (Beliefs About A): I would like to have a few drinks, but that will help me continue to be a problem drinker. I would enjoy drinking, but I will later regret it. I would prefer to please my friends, but Id much rather please myself and my family by refraining. I often crave alcohol, but I never have to cater to my craving.

C (Consequences): Drinking only ginger ale and club soda. Remaining sober. Feeling sorry that you cant indulge and enjoy drinking like some of your friends are doing, but feeling good about your self-control and the approval of your family.