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Victor Lee Austin - Friendship

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Victor Lee Austin Friendship
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Cover
Half Title Page
Series Page

Theological Wisdom for Ministering Well Jason Byassee Series Editor Aging - photo 1

Theological Wisdom for Ministering Well
Jason Byassee, Series Editor

Aging: Growing Old in Church by Will Willimon

Friendship: The Heart of Being Human by Victor Lee Austin

Recovering: From Brokenness and Addiction to Blessedness and Community by Aaron White

Other Books by Victor Lee Austin

A Priests Journal

Up with Authority

Priest in New York

Christian Ethics: A Guide for the Perplexed

Losing Susan

Title Page
Copyright Page

2020 by Victor Lee Austin

Published by Baker Academic

a division of Baker Publishing Group

PO Box 6287, Grand Rapids, MI 49516-6287

www.bakeracademic.com

Ebook edition created 2020

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any meansfor example, electronic, photocopy, recordingwithout the prior written permission of the publisher. The only exception is brief quotations in printed reviews.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is on file at the Library of Congress, Washington, DC.

ISBN 978-1-4934-2156-5

Unless otherwise indicated, Scripture quotations are from the King James (Authorized) Version of the Bible.

The Scripture quotation labeled NRSV is from the New Revised Standard Version of the Bible, copyright 1989 National Council of the Churches of Christ in the United States of America. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

The Scripture quotation labeled RSV is from the Revised Standard Version of the Bible, copyright 1946, 1952 [2nd edition, 1971] National Council of the Churches of Christ in the United States of America. Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

Dedication

To my friends
and Friend

Contents

Cover

Half Title Page

Series Page

Title Page

Copyright Page

Dedication

Series Preface

Invocation

Introduction: An Invitation to Friendship

1. The Limits of Marriage

2. The Confusions of Friendship

3. Friendship as Success at Being Human

4. Friendship and Beauty

5. The Weirdness of Divine Love

6. Biblical Friendships

7. Christian Friendship and Christian Love

8. Unapologetic Celibacy

9. Is There Friendship in the Trinity?

10. Examples of Friendship

11. All Together Now

Postscript: Concrete Practices

Credits and Acknowledgments

Notes

Scripture Index

Subject Index

Back Cover

Series Preface

One of the great privileges of being a pastor is that people seek out your presence in some of lifes most jarring transitions. They want to give thanks. Or cry out for help. They seek wisdom and think you may know where to find some. Above all, they long for God, even if they wouldnt know to put it that way. I remember phone calls that came in a rush of excitement, terror, and hope. We had our baby! It looks like she is going to die. I think Im going to retire. Hes turning sixteen! We got our diagnosis. Sometimes the caller didnt know why they were calling their pastor. They just knew it was a good thing to do. They were right. I will always treasure the privilege of being in the room for some of lifes most intense moments.

And, of course, we dont pastor only during intense times. No one can live at that decibel level all the time. We pastor in the ordinary, the mundane, the beautiful (or depressing!) day-by-day most of the time. Yet it is striking how often during those everyday moments our talk turns to the transitions of birth, death, illness, and the beginning and end of vocation. Pastors sometimes joke, or lament, that we are only ever called when people want to be hatched, matched, or dispatchedborn or baptized, married, or eulogized. But those are moments we share with all humanity, and they are good moments in which to do gospel work. As an American, it feels perfectly natural to ask a couple how they met. But a South African friend told me he feels this is exceedingly intrusive! What I am really asking is how someone met God as they met the person to whom they have made lifelong promises. I am asking about transition and encounterthe tender places where the God of cross and resurrection meets us. And I am thinking about how to bear witness amid the transitions that are our lives. Pastors are the ones who get phone calls at these moments and have the joy, burden, or just plain old workaday job of showing up with oil for anointing, with prayers, to be a sign of the Holy Spirits overshadowing goodness in all of our lives.

I am so proud of this series of books. The authors are remarkable, the scholarship first-rate, the prose readableeven elegantthe claims made ambitious and then well defended. I am especially pleased because so often in the church we play small ball. We argue with one another over intramural matters while the world around us struggles, burns, ignores, or otherwise proceeds on its way. The problem is that the gospel of Jesus Christ isnt just for the renewal of the church. Its for the renewal of the cosmoseverything God bothered to create in the first place. Gods gifts are not for Gods people. They are through Gods people, for everybody else. These authors write with wisdom, precision, insight, grace, and good humor. I so love the books that have resulted. May God use them to bring glory to Gods name, grace to Gods children, renewal to the church, and blessings to the world that God so loves and is dying to save.

Jason Byassee

Invocation

Many pastoral situations involve change: a new life or a life passing away; the arrival of a new love or the loss of love; the launch of a new job and career or the dwindling of powers and opportunities, being laid off, laid aside, passed over. As the Preacher said, A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;... a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing (Eccles. 3:25). Wisdom recognizes that human life is full of transitions.

What remains constant? What endures?

This book about friendship is about something that lasts. You can lose your job, but that need not make you less human. You can lose your spouse, your bank account, your country, your digital identity, your health. None of these losses need diminish your humanity. Because through every transition of life, friendship is the heart of who you are.

Friendship is why we exist in the first place. Friendship is also our final end in the kingdom of God. Out of friendship God has made us, for friendship he has died for us, to friendship he ever draws us.

Let us pray. Dear Lord Jesus, only Son of the Father, we entrust unto thee all who read this book, that thy Holy Spirit would preserve in their heart whatever is true herein and drive from remembrance anything that may be false. In every transition of our life, we, children of dust, place our trust in thee: our never-failing, ever-merciful, tender, and firm to the end Maker, Defender, Redeemer, and Friend .

Introduction

An Invitation to Friendship

The Background to This Book: The Death of Susan

Susan and I had married right after college, in a traditional Episcopal Church ceremony of holy matrimony, promising therein to have and to hold in sickness and in health till death us do part. I had loved her from the first time I heard her talk, which was in a Bible study at the decidedly secular St. Johns College in Santa Fe, New Mexico. It was fifteen years into our marriage when her brain tumor was found. The medical professionals successfully treated itfirst with surgery and then, when the biopsy showed that her astrocytoma had a mid-grade malignancy, with radiation and chemotherapy. Her cancer never returned. But the treatments weakened her brain in ways that, although slow to manifest themselves, proved inexorable. She needed more sleep; she lost the capacity to initiate tasks and carry them through; she grew quieter as she found it harder to locate the words she wanted to say. These were some of the manifestations of her brain disease, which, although it took nineteen years, in the end took her life.

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