Elizabeth J. Meyer - Gender, Bullying, and Harassment: Strategies to End Sexism and Homophobia in Schools

I found out about the topic of this book through the back door, so to speak. I had been researching relationships between girls, which led me to their friendships, which led me to a study of girlfighting behavior. After analyzing over 400 interviews and focus groups, and with 20 years of listening to, teaching about, and working with girls, I felt I had a pretty good grasp of the reasons why girls betray and hurt one another and how schools can interrupt or unwittingly encourage their behavior. Soon after I finished this research, I was invited to participate in a statewide task force on school climate.

The task force was mostly made up of bully-prevention experts and me. I was struck immediately by the lack of meaningful connection between what I had learned from girls and the literature provided, most of which described bullying within only one paradigm. Bullies were portrayed as impulsive, impudent rule-breakers, who lack compassion, have a strong drive to dominate, and act aggressively toward adults. The girls in my study, on the other hand, thought about their behavior, often expressed regret afterwards, and struggled with their desire for power. Many of them followed the rules and policed the boundaries of gender conformity; adults tended to like them because they appeared civilized and nice. Bullies were also said to be motivated by a strong need for dominance, a hostile attitude to their surroundings, and a need for material and psychological rewards. The girls in my study, however, were often motivated by underlying frustration with unfair treatment and harassment in school, the pressure they felt to match up to media ideals of beauty and perfection, and the promise of visibility and attention from boys. How could a program purported to be a universal intervention for the reduction and prevention of bully/victim problems speak so little to issues relevant to girls aggression?

Not surprising, then, my work with this task force was fraught. I soon discovered that not considering the role of gender is endemic to bully prevention approaches. In meetings I experienced what it felt like to be the problem, the one who didnt get it, who interrupted the flow of progress. My colleagues were good, smart people who listened patiently, but they remained convinced that every assumption I questioned and every absence I noted could be explained away or subsumed under a bully-prevention model.

I started to think that maybe bully prevention had become a bit of a bully itself, threatening to push aside the richly diverse reality of childrens lives for one-size-fits-all trainings, discipline charts, and consistent consequences. If the bullying was to generically stand in for sexism, racism, homophobia, sexual harassment, and even hate crimes, how could we affirm students different experiences not only with one another but also in relation to the rules and structure of their schools? If we dont help students name these differences, how can we educate them about their rights and encourage complex and meaningful solutions to their problems?

I wished I had had this smart, brave book as I struggled to articulate these and other questions. Elizabeth Meyer speaks clearly and sensibly about differences that make a difference in childrens school lives. She distinguishes bullying from various forms of gendered harassment and connects psychological and relational power struggles to the systemic and structural problems that can fuel them. She identifies existing legal protections, such as Title IX, lest we unwittingly undermine them with bully prevention policies that sound inclusive but in reality exclude many, that sound powerful but in practice undermine students rights. At a time when bully prevention has all but taken over the social realities of schools, Elizabeth Meyer encourages us to reconsider our assumptions and challenge what is taken for granted. She reminds us that the best way to ensure student safety is to offer children what we ourselves would wantsomeone willing to set aside simple categories and look beyond the surface of things, someone who will listen carefully and take us seriously.

Lyn Mikel Brown

On February 12, 2008, 15-year-old Larry King was shot in the computer classroom of his California junior high school by another male student after Larry had asked him to be his valentine. Larry was known in his school not only for being openly gay but also for wearing high heels, nail polish, and makeup. This tragic incident is one of the more recent and extreme examples of why it was important to write this book. Educators, parents, and youth need more information and resources about how to address forms of bullying and harassment that are influenced by gender. Gender is an important force in shaping behaviors and informs how we interact with each other and understand ourselves. Unfortunately, the role that gender plays in many incidents of bullying and harassment is often overlooked or accepted as normal, which allows the problem to persist. This book intends to change this trend by providing a new lens for understanding bullying and harassment as well as strategies for ending these phenomena in schools.

As a former high school teacher, I remember how helpless I felt to assist students who turned to me for support in the face of harassment. During my first year of teaching, I had one student come to me on a regular basis to confide in me about all of the taunts and harassment she was enduring. I could see the impact it was having on her health and academic performance, but I didnt know how to help. I offered her individual support but couldnt get other teachers or the administration to address it in a systematic or meaningful way. Everyone seemed to accept sexual harassment and homophobic insults as part of the school culture, and my efforts to work against them were met with extreme resistance and inertia.

In my second teaching job, things werent much better. Gay students were stalked and made fun of, female students were sexually harassed by male peers, and words like fag , bitch , and dyke were commonly used by students to insult and mock their peers. Few of my colleagues or administrators were willing to take clear steps to stop these behaviors. Although I made attempts to engage colleagues in dialogue, worked with the administration to raise their awareness, and attended workshops to expand my understanding of the problem, none of it seemed to have an impact. I was just one classroom teacher, not an expert on the issue. The head of the school told me he would need more time and information before he took any specific actions to address the problem.