Jennie Withers - Hey, Back Off!: Tips for Stopping Teen Harassment

Tips for Stopping

Teen Harassment

Jennie Withers with Phyllis Hendrickson, M. Ed.

New Horizon Press
Far Hills, NJ

Copyright 2011 by Jennie Withers and Phyllis Hendrickson

All rights reserved. No portion of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form whatsoever, including electronic, mechanical or any information storage or retrieval system, except as may be expressly permitted in the 1976 Copyright Act or in writing from the publisher.

Requests for permission should be addressed to:

New Horizon Press

P.O. Box 669

Far Hills, NJ 07931

Withers, Jennie and Hendrickson, Phyllis

Hey, Back Off!: Tips for Stopping Teen Harassment

Cover design: Robert Aulicino

Interior design: Charley Nasta

Library of Congress Control Number: 2011923244

ISBN-13 (eBook): 978-0-88282-404-8

New Horizon Press

Manufactured in the U.S.A.

15

This book is based on the authors research, personal experiences, clients real life experiences and information from school administrators, school resource officers, teachers, high school students and parents. In order to protect privacy, names have been changed and identifying characteristics have been altered except for contributing experts.

For purposes of simplifying usage, the pronouns he/she and him/her are sometimes used interchangeably. The information contained herein is not meant to be a substitute for professional evaluation and therapy with mental health professionals.

Chapter One:
Understanding the Meaning of Harassment

Chapter Two:
Learning about the Law and Support Resources

Chapter Three:
Taking the Personality Quiz

Chapter Four:
Doormat Kids and Passive Parents

Chapter Five:
Bullies and Aggressive Parents

Chapter Six:
Winners and Positive Parents

Chapter Seven:
Dealing with Harassment Issues

Jennies daughters first bullies were some children who rode on her kindergarten school bus. In junior and senior high, bullies are called harassers and they do more than just refuse to let a little girl sit by them on the bus. Harassers become more varied in their attacks, are slyer and are more hurtful. Hey, Back Off! gives teens tips, strategies and explanations about what harassment is, how behavior originates from personality types and how to deal with harassers.

Each section contains activities. They will help you handle difficult situations as well as provide you with strategies to deal with harassment. We suggest using a separate notebook or computer word processing program as a journal. Use your journal to write your thoughts and feelings as you read or for whatever you wish. You can put your thoughts down, continue activities or questions from a chapter or doodle. It is entirely up to you.

Throughout the book you will see stop signs followed by instructions to complete an activity located at the end of the section. If a parent is reading with you, he or she will have assignments too.

The stories and activities enhance the information in Hey, Back Off! It is our hope that together they will teach you how to prevent harassment.

Your parents also need to learn the facts and gain the tools to help you handle teen harassment. There is information just for them at the end of each chapter. The purpose is to help your parents realize how tough todays bullying and harassment problems can be for you as a teenager.

Being a parent of a teen today is not an easy task, particularly if your teen is a target for harassers. You want to help your teen, to protect him or her, but teens also need to be empowered to deal with situations on their own. How can you tell if your teen is suffering if he or she wont talk to you? How do you know when you should help your teen and when you should let him or her handle it? How can you help your teen stop harassment? It is our sincerest hope that Hey, Back Off! and the parent information provided within will help you answer these tough questions.

There is information specifically for parents at the end of each chapter, but parents should read the entire book. The teen sections provide needed information, resources, ideas and topics to discuss with your teen. In the teen sections you will also see examples we gathered working with the parents of teenagers. The parent sections in this book are included to offer direction to parents who want information on how to support their teens in harassment situations. Many of the suggestions apply generally to positive parenting, but we should point out that Hey, Back Off! is not a complete guide to parenting adolescents. If you feel you need more support and information on how to become an assertive person and parent, then books, DVDs, classes and counseling professionals can provide you with comprehensive parenting advice.

Hey, Back Off! focuses more on the victims of harassers than it does on the harassers. For those of you who have teens who are bullies, however, there is still valuable information, such as the effects on the victims, the consequences harassers can expect and how to recognize and change aggressive behavior.

Throughout the book you will see stop signs followed by instructions to complete an activity located at the end of the section. Your teen will have assignments too. These activities should prompt discussion between you and your teen.

Please know that your teen wants your help and support. The main purpose of Hey, Back Off! is to empower teens to prevent harassment, but part of that empowerment is teens and parents knowing when an adult needs to intervene. The best advocates for teens are their parents. Parents are also an important part of the harassment prevention equation which includes schools, law enforcement, teens and you.

Emmas story illustrates the effects bullying can have on victims. When Emma starts avoiding activities she loves, Emmas mother becomes troubled. With support from her mom and a good friend, Emma is able to address the issues of harassment.

Hey, Emma, are you sure youre a chick? You sure dont look or act like one.

Emmas superior size was evident as she towered over her attacker. But Dillon knew what everyone in the hallway knew: Emma was too nice to beat up short, scrawny Dillon. If only they were in hockey uniforms it would be a different story. Emma was a power-house hockey player.

So what are you?

Emma turned crimson. She glanced around at the students gathered in the hall. Some of them were supposed to be her friends, but nobody looked her in the eye.

Blaine stood at Dillons side as he always did. He said, I knowshes a fag.

Dillon flashed Blaine a look to shut him up. When it worked, Dillon turned his attention back to Emma. He made the shape of a womans body with his hands. Yeah, you want some of that, dont you?

Two girls, Ashley and Heather, giggled. They would follow Dillon no matter where he was leading them.

The bell rang and the uncomfortable students watching, except Dillons crew of three and one other, fled the scene. A girl shoved her way through Dillons crew to get to Dillon. She was smaller than Dillon, but she grabbed him and flipped him around anyway. She looped her thumbs through the straps on her backpack and thrust her chin out, giving her the appearance of a turtle. Dillon, leave her alone.