Hodges - The Beginning... The End... Anew!

The Beginning...
The End...
Anew!

Zedart Hodges

Copyright 2009 by Zedart Hodges.

ISBN: Softcover 978-1-4500-0872-3

Ebook 978-1-4500-0873-0

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

This book was printed in the United States of America.

To order additional copies of this book, contact:

Xlibris Corporation
1-888-795-4274
www.Xlibris.com

Orders@Xlibris.com

71336

A real life drama, as lived through my eyes,

mind, and will.

I would first like to take the time to acknowledge the person who is the head of my life and that would be my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, for he has blessed me with this gift and allowed me to share it with others. My sincere appreciation and gratitude goes to my wife, Anne Njoroge Hodges for her love and unwavering support. To the entire Hunt Family (Jerry, Elina, Menna, and Allison) you have all helped me tremendously. To my Pastor Gerald Sylver and his family, Minister Byron Diggs, and my entire church congregation. Your prayers have sustained me thus far and I know they will continue to propel me forward, Brother Don Webster, Deacon Ervin Hill and the entire youth minsitry, your passion ignites my soul and inspires me each day. Heartfelt thanks to Mr. Brent Leach, Mr. Robert Moore, Tony Bolin and family and also Joseph R. Kaualiauskas Jr. may God continue to bless each of you and your families.

This book was put together to let people know that you can live a life without, and after, drugs; and that we need the one that put this vessel together if we are to sail through this life of uncertainty.

My name is Zedart Hodges, Jr. I was born in 1949 in a little town outside of a little town called Nahunta in Wayne County; about fifty or so miles southeast of Raleigh, N.C. It really was a sharecroppers town with one store that everybody got food and grain from on credit. I barely remember my father. I was very small when he passed, and all I remember is a lot of people coming over to the house and ma-ma crying all the time. The next thing I remember is moving to town. The name of this town was called Goldsboro. It was hard for country folk moving to a town where we didnt know anybody. After a while, my sister, she was a lot older than me, she got this job at this cleaner which was good. But then something happened and she didnt work there anymore so we began to meet people. Some good. Some just wanted what they could get out of you which werent much because we didnt know a whole lot. My mom started to sell whiskey. White whiskey made in the woods. Then we started to learn people. We moved a couple of times. Years passed. We were still selling whiskey. My mom started drinking but still maintaining as head of the house. Time went on. I dropped out of school but I didnt drop out until high school. Then I went to this job corps. First, in this place called Iron Wood, Michigan. Cold as cold can be. I met people from everywhere. Gang members, wannabe gang members. Now, during this time I thought that I didnt need anybody. So, o.k. I didnt like Michigan; too cold. I left, came home, stayed. More time went by and I wanted to make something happen. Got in trouble with the po-po, and during that time job corps was the in thing. If they didnt want to send you to prison, they sent you to job corps. So I signed up again. This time I went to Pleasanton, California. Man, I thought that was cool again. People from everywhere. So I get out there and thats where I got introduced to Mary Jane. It was everywhere. Then one weekend me and some more guys went to the city by the bay, and thats where I got introduced to hippies. Free love and drugs. I am not talking about Mary Jane. I am talking about acid, window pane, and stuff like that. I went to jail; stayed in jail for about two weeks or more. I went to court. The judge told me to be on the next thing smokin back to Carolina if I didnt want to go to prison. So I went back to camp and they took me to the bus station, and I was on my way back home.

So now I get back in Goldsboro. My mom is a full pledge alkie. My sister was now selling whiskey; trying to put my mom in the insane asylum. So we got to arguing. She put me out ofthe1house. So this guy that I used to go to school with, he had just gotten home from Vietnam. So we hooked up and I asked him, Hey, lets go get high. So he said, O.k. but I dont drink or smoke. So now I am thinking how he gone get high without drinking. So he pulled out this needle and stuff and looked at me, and I didnt want to back down because I thought I was tough. But that little bit of stuff beat my ass. But it was a good high. The next day no bad breath or nothing like that. So after a few times I noticed when I didnt have it my appetite was gone. But I didnt want anything to eat, and when I got it I didnt want to eat until I got a fix. Back during those days your high lasted for a little while. But you better be near some more.

I was called Red because I was light skinned until the drugs started takin its toll. Then it was dirty red because drugs will make your skin lose its naturally clean look. Thats even if you wash regularly. If not, your skin will look dull. My sister gave me the nickname Pete. That one stuck. That one is on file with the police. Then there was 1/2 Bread. I remember one time when I was high this guy asked me, What do you want to be called? You got so many nicknames. And I said, As long as you dont call me a bunch of dirty names, well be all right. So he asked me my given name and I told him, and he said: Ill stick with Pete.

But I remember this one time. I was home after some years of shooting dope. I was home and feeling so bad. This dealer came to my house and I asked him if he was straight, and he said, Yes. So I said, I want a bag. So he sold me a bag, and I was in a hurry to shoot up. So I went into my room, fixed it up, but I forgot to lock the door, and this friend of the family opened the door for whatever reason; I dont know. And he saw me shooting up, and from that day on he called me Scatter Brain. Now that one was painful. Not because he was a friend of the family but because I respected him and looked up to him. Remember, there was no father figure in my life, and he was cool as far as cool goes. And from that day on until he died my name was Scatter Brain. And every time he saw me before he passed away that was my name. Thats what he called me growing up. I first started shooting dope with a dropper. Just put a nipple around the barrel with a needle and its on. A shoot house has its ups and its downs. The ups are that you get to see a lot of women get loose, and being a teenager sometimes you get to help them get loose. Some people were good as far as good goes in a shoot house. And then there were some bad, and then there were some that you didnt care if you ever saw again. These are the ones that always want something for nothing. Then there are those that put the k in cool. And you see them get played like a West Virginia banjo back in the day. I wasnt interested in nothing but getting high. And trying to fool somebody before I got fooled myself. Stealing whatever I could sell to get money. In and out of jail during my late twenties, thirties, forties, and early fifties. And each time got longer and longer. And each time I got more and more disappointed with myself. Selling drugs in prison. Loan sharking anything to make a buck. And then I ran up on this three strikes law and realized that no matter what, the third strike was the third time. You could get a long time. Thats when I made up my mind to try and do the right thing for me. I was getting older and my future was starting to look real bad. Thats when you are supposed to start seeing that theres more to life than jail, drugs, and being mad at yourself. And you try to stop the self-destructive way of thinking and start seeing that theres life beyond that drug, those pills that needle, that glue, or whatever your drug of choice is. And you begin to get high on life and living. And you start seeing that, or begin to see, that its all good when you ask for help to come out of that hood mentality.