Robbins - Stop saying youre fine: the no-BS guide to getting what you want

Copyright 2011 by Mel Robbins

All rights reserved.
Published in the United States by Crown Archetype, an imprint of the Crown Publishing Group, a division of Random House, Inc., New York.
www.crownpublishing.com

Crown Archetype with colophon is a trademark of Random House, Inc.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is available upon request.

eISBN: 978-0-307-71674-3

JACKET PHOTOGRAPH: MELISSA MAHONEY

v3.1_r1

I wrote thisfor you.

Its not because things are difficult that we dont dare.

Its because we dont dare that things are difficult.

S ENECA
(Roman philosopher, 1st century A.D .)

E very day youre bombarded with images of people doing better than you. There is an endless stream of reality shows selling the fantasy that somewhere out there are celebrity trainers, designers, and talent scouts helping people just like you lose weight, spice up their wardrobes, or launch music careers. Hollywood cranks out movie after movie about ordinary people who are impossibly sexy, funny, and adventurous. Log onto Facebook, and it seems as if everyone but you spends all his or her time having fun.

Of course, you know this isnt how the world actually works. Theres no reality-show fairy godmother coming to whisk you away to a magical life. You dont have an entire Hollywood makeup team helping you look good, or screenwriters coming up with adventures to spice up your day. Facebook is nothing but heavily packaged Kodak moments that bear no relation to how people really live.

But even though you know all of these things are fake, theres still a part of you that wonders why your life isnt more satisfying. You know life isnt a movie, but does it have to be so boring? Does it have to require so much effort? Its not that things are awful, they just arent that great. You say youre fine, but you want more from life. The gap between the life you secretly wish you could lead and the life youre leading seems to be growing every day. This is your reality.

But it doesnt have to be.

In fact, the truth is that at this very moment, you couldnt buy better odds for success.

Everything you need to get whatever you want is there for the taking. Theres a step-by-step instruction book for any subject, written by a fully credentialed expert. There are millions of blogs to walk you through any conceivable lifestyle change. There is free technology available to help you launch a business, sell your stuff, or publish your ideas. There are a thousand different networking tools to help you make new friends or find true love.

No, you dont have a reality show or Hollywood team doing everything for youbut you dont need them. You are very powerful when you put your mind to it. Everything you could ever need to live the life you want is right there at your fingertips. If you feel bored or stuck, it isnt because of the economy, or a lack of resources, or because America hasnt voted you its next idol. The real reason you feel stuck is you.

You are in your own way. If you dont feel like it, you dont do it. If you think you cant, you wont. If you can avoid confrontation or challenge, you do. If you can figure out a way to do nothing, you will. Your feelings are in charge of your head and they are running you into the ground. It is you who are robbing yourself of power and happiness.

If you could get out of your own way, you could have everything you want. You could be healthier. You could be more confident. You could be more successful. You could be happier. You could be more powerful. You could shrink that gap between the life you want and the life you lead, until it doesnt exist at all.

This book will teach you how.

T here are some days when you just feel more powerful. You force yourself to get up early and break a sweat before everyone else wakes up. That sets the tone for the rest of your day. Your coffee tastes especially good, and the commute doesnt suck. At work, you go the extra mile on a project and come off looking like a hero. Afterward, you meet some friends whom you havent seen in months, and have a couple of drinks on an outdoor deck in the cool summertime air. Someone hands you tickets he couldnt use. You embrace spontaneity and go see a great show. Afterward, you drive home by moonlight, have great sex, and drift off to sleep on a cloud.

Weve all had days when we feel excited about our lives. We feel young, confident, and alive. Everything clicks. We feel like were going somewhere, like we have momentum. We become more powerful versions of ourselves.

The powerful you is always there waiting, like a switch inside you that needs to be turned on! Its the part of you that loves discovery, curiosity, challenges, exercise, connecting with other people, checking off goals, taking action, heading somewhere, and talking out loud. It is a force inside you that wants to grow, move, and expand. All you have to do is locate the switch and turn it on.

At the same time, theres an equal and opposite force that works inside you to hold you back. You were born with resistance. Its an inner, evolutionary bias to take the safe bet, the sure thing, the known path. Whenever youre feeling bored, bummed, or broken, your power is off and resistance is on. Resistance loves surfing the Web, vegging out in front of the TV, sticking to routine, not picking up the phone, hitting snooze, avoiding confrontation, making excuses, rumination, and isolation.

Resistance will keep your life in place; the power inside you will push your life forward. You will always feel tension between these two forces. Every single day of your life, you have the choice to stay where you are or move your life in new directions. The question is: Will the powerful you turn on and start taking action, or will you resist and wait just a little longer to get the joy, satisfaction, and fulfillment you deserve?

Right now, resistance is winning. Just consider how you start each day. The alarm goes off and to your sleeping self the sound seems to start somewhere behind your eyeballs. You instantly press the snooze button. Silence returns and you consider your options. Today was supposed to be the fifth day of your new exercise program. But it feels awfully early to be getting out of bed and walking across the cold floor in your bare feet. The mere thought of it makes your head throb.

You think about that calendar on the closet wall where you stuck four gold stars after each run, and it suddenly strikes you as ridiculous, a cheesy strategy to trick yourself into following through on a commitment. You know that its important to stick to your goals, but theres something so annoying and fake about all that motivational philosophy. Theres nothing at all inspiring about getting up in the morning. It sucks. Whose dumb idea was it to promise to exercise anyway? One day off wont matter that much. Besides, it feels a lot colder today. You close your eyes and feel the welcome lull of sleep coming over you again.