My gratitude and love goes first to my wife, JoAnn, for believing in me and giving me total support for writing this book, even when times got hard. I also owe a special debt of gratitude to my sister, Jill, and brother-in-law, Jeff, for allowing me to publish a very personal story about them both, without which this book would have been very much impoverished. I also acknowledge Jeffs daughter Lorraine and my daughter Lorraine for the same reason, and all the members of Jill and Jeffs family who were willing to read the book and to see the best in each person who had a part to play in Jills story. I also acknowledge my brother, John, who witnessed the unfolding of the story, for his patience and support. I owe a special debt of gratitude to Michael Ryce for his inspiration and collaboration on the early version of the forgiveness worksheet, and to Arnold Patent for introducing me to spiritual law. There are countless numbers who have contributed in very important ways to this book and to the work of spreading the message of Radical Forgiveness and I give thanks daily for every one of them. Thanks are due to all my graduates of the Institute of Radical Forgiveness who are living it and doing it by example and as teachers. Special thanks to Debi Lee for letting me tell her story around the world and to Karen Taylor-Good whose songs and singing add an indescribably wonderful tone to every workshop I doespecially when shes there in person. Special appreciation is due to my co-workers and colleagues at the Institute for Radical Forgiveness Therapy and Coaching, Inc. Finally, my love and gratitude to my mother and my father for choosing to have me and for accepting my request to incarnate through them.
Introduction
Everywhere we lookin the newspapers, on TV, and even in our own personal liveswe see examples of people who have been egregiously victimized. We read, for example, that at least one in every five adults in America today was either physically or sexually abused as a child. TV news confirms that rape and murder are commonplace in our communities and crime against people and property is rampant everywhere. Around the world we see torture, repression, incarceration, genocide, and open warfare occurring on a vast scale.
In the early 1990s I began offering forgiveness workshops, cancer retreats, and corporate seminars. Since then I have heard enough horror stories from quite ordinary people to convince me that there is not a human being on the planet who has not been seriously victimized at least once, and in minor ways more times than they could count. Who among us can say they have never blamed someone else for their lack of happiness? For most if not all of us, blame is simply a way of life.
Indeed, the victim archetype is deeply ingrained in all of us, and it exerts great power in the mass consciousness. For eons we have played out victimhood in every aspect of our lives, convincing ourselves that victim consciousness is absolutely fundamental to the human condition. The time has come to ask ourselves this question: how can we stop creating our lives this way and let go of the victim archetype as the model for how to live?
To break free from such a powerful archetype, we must replace it with something radically differentsomething so compelling and spiritually liberating that it magnetizes us away from victimhood. We need something that will take us beyond the drama of our lives so we can see the big picture and the truth that, right now, lies hidden from us. When we awaken to that truth, we will understand the meaning of our suffering and be able to transform it immediately.
As we continue to move into the new millennium and prepare for the imminent next great leap in our spiritual evolution, it is essential that we adopt a way of living based not on fear, control, and abuse of power but on true forgiveness, unconditional love, and peace. Thats what I mean by something radical, and that is what my book is all about: helping us make that transition.
If we are to transform anything, we must be able to experience it completely and fully, which means that to transform the victim archetype, we must first experience victimhood fully. There is no shortcut! Therefore, we need situations in our lives that allow us to feel victimized so we can transform the energy through Radical Forgiveness.
To transform an energy pattern so fundamental as the victim archetype, many, many peoplesouls who possess the wisdom and love necessary to accomplish this immense taskmust awaken and accept this as their spiritual mission. Perhaps you are one of the souls who volunteered for this mission. Could that be why this book speaks to you?
Jesus gave a powerful demonstration of what transforming the victim archetype means, and I believe he now waits patiently and lovingly for us to follow his lead. Up to now, at least, we have failed to learn from his example precisely because the victim archetype has had such a strong hold on our psyches.
We have ignored the lesson of genuine forgiveness that Jesus taughtthat there are no victims. We straddle the fence and attempt to forgive while staying firmly committed to being victims. We have made Jesus himself the ultimate victim, and this will not move us forward in our spiritual evolution. True forgiveness must include completely letting go of victim consciousness.
Indeed, my main intention in writing this book was to make clear the distinction between forgiveness that maintains the victim archetype and Radical Forgiveness that frees us from it. Radical Forgiveness challenges us to fundamentally shift our perception of the world and our interpretation of what happens to us so we can stop being victims. My one goal is to help you make that shift.
I recognize that the ideas I am presenting here may be extremely challenging for someone who has been severely victimized and is still carrying a lot of pain. I ask only that you read this book with an open mind and see whether or not you feel better after reading it.
As I write this edition of the book, I can tell you that the feedback I have received from my readers and those who come to my workshops has been overwhelmingly positive. Even people who have been in emotional pain for a long time have found the book to be extremely freeing and healingand the workshops transformational.