Lara Parker - Vagina Problems: Endometriosis, Painful Sex, and Other Taboo Topics

Vaginas. More than 50 percent of the population has one, but for some reason were not talking about them much. Sure, theyre sometimes mentioned in a magazine or on TV, but were not talking about them the way we should be. Were not talking about the fact that an estimated 176 million people worldwide live with endometriosis, and around one in ten people with vaginas will experience some sort of vaginal or pelvic pain in their lifetime. Were not talking about painful sex, or painful orgasms, or periods that are so debilitating they keep you home from work or school. Thats what we should be talking about.

I have Vagina Problems. I say Vagina Problems because if I start going into every single thing Ive ever been diagnosed with, youd probably try to close out the screen, even though this is a book. What Im saying is, this shit gets boring. Its a long list of words that mean nothing to the average person, and its all a complicated way of saying that my vagina hurts, among other things. For the longest time when filling out paperwork with a new doctor or trying to explain my pain to friends, I would try to keep it really simple. Id say, Oh, I have stomach problems. It was always easier than trying to explain what the hell endometriosis or vaginismus is. But as the years passed and the diagnoses kept piling on, I was no longer sure what to say or how to say it. Its not just my vagina that hurts. Its my legs, my back, my stomach, my vagina, my bladder. And its not just endometriosis anymoreits endometriosis, vaginismus, vulvodynia, vulvar vestibulitis syndrome, overall pelvic floor dysfunction, interstitial cystitis, PMDD, fibrocystic breasts, and probable adenomyosis. And those are just the ones that Ive actually been able to get a diagnosis or term for. What the hell are all those words I just wrote? I dont even know half the time, if Im being honest. And, you know, who wants to hear you list all that stuff in everyday conversation? No one. I promise you. No one.

Years ago, when I was first diagnosed with endometriosis, I had barely even heard of the damn disease. And I wasnt alone. When I would tell people of my new diagnosis as an explanation for my pain over the past several years, they would meet my eyes with a blank stare. And then they would ask me if I was feeling better yet. No, Carol, Im not feeling better yet. Do you wanna know why, Carol? Because endometriosis, despite affecting almost two hundred million people worldwide, has no cure. And you know what else, CAROL? Most doctors dont even diagnose it properly or have any idea how to begin to treat the symptoms. Oh, and one more thing, Carola chronic illness means that it is, in fact, chronic. I dont have the flu!!!! Its not just gonna go away in the week since you last saw me, Carol!

So for years, in order to avoid the urge to punch five to ten people a week, I continued to just say I had stomach problems and leave it at that. But as the years passed and my pain worsened, I had to figure out new terminology. The pain I was experiencing was certainly not the same as that experienced by someone who ate too much Popeyes chicken and felt bloated. This pain needed to be explained in a way that made people understand why I often had to cancel plans or miss work two to three times a month.

So I began to describe my issues as Vagina Problems. My Vagina Problems meant that my abdomen was swollen 93.7 percent of the time. They meant that sitting down for an extended period would make my vagina burn as if someone had put hot acid on it. They meant that wearing thong underwear was a death sentence, and that drinking anything carbonated felt the same as drinking poison. And these problems also meant that I was in a state of almost constant cramping. And no, I dont mean the types of cramps where you can pop an ibuprofen or two and continue on with your day. Were talking the worst period cramps youve ever experienced, but on an almost daily basis. Oh, and just in case you werent uncomfortable enough already, Carolthese problems also meant I wasnt able to stand penetration of any kind, and when I was able to orgasm, it came with a shooting pain to boot. DO YOU GET IT NOW, CAROL????

When I finally started to open up more about my Vagina Problems, I quickly forgot to be ashamed. I had been living with a sore vagina and abdomen for so long at that point that I forgot that my UPS person or my seventh-grade English teacher might not be accustomed to hearing or reading someone talk about their vagina at all, let alone a vagina that hurt. But it all just came pouring out. I had been quiet about my issues for so long that I no longer had the ability to keep my experiences inside. I started talking. And I told everyone. It got to the point where I was saying My vagina hurts today the same way someone might say I have a headache. And it didnt stop there. I didnt just tell my acquaintances and friends. I tweeted about it. I talked about it on Instagram. I said it out loud in dressing rooms and in grocery stores. I wouldnt shut the fuck up about my vagina then, and I dont plan to now.

When I first started experiencing my Vagina Problems, I was just fourteen years old. My period had recently started, and so did the pain. It hurt everywhere, but especially in my abdomen and vagina. It was constant, but worse around my period. But if Id learned anything about periods before I even started my own, it was that you didnt talk about that shit. Especially not in front of men. When my period came in with a vengeance right off the bat, I mostly just tried to ignore it. I couldnt understand why my period was making me throw up, pass out, and miss school, or why it wrecked an entire week of my life every month while my friends barely even talked about cramps. I convinced myself that everyone must be feeling what I was feeling and that maybe they were just better at hiding it. I knew that my abdomen hurt pretty much constantly, but I had no idea how to talk about it with anyone. And when I did find courage to bring it up to my doctor, she brushed it off and made me feel stupid. Periods are supposed to hurt, she said. I just began to assume that the pain I was feeling in my body was normal, because I had never heard otherwise.

Then, a couple of years later, when I decided to have sex for the first time, it hurt like hell. I mean, it hurt so bad that it felt like someone was shoving a knife dipped in acid inside my vaginaand I assumed that was normal, too. In high school when my friends would talk about sex, they always said it was going to hurt. Its like some unspoken universal rule: If a woman brings up her first time having sex, you must tell her about how its going to hurt. A couple of years after that, when I got up the courage to try again, I assumed the mind-boggling pain I still felt was normal, too. Despite trying to convince myself that everything I was feeling was no big deal, there was a small voice in the back of my head telling me that maybe it wasnt all okay and maybe something was going on in my body. So back to the doctor I went, only this time to be 1) shamed for being sexually active and 2) told that the pain was totally normal the first couple of times and to use lube, duh!