Houston Kraft - Deep Kindness: A Revolutionary Guide for the Way We Think, Talk, and Act in Kindness

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Copyright 2020 by Houston Kraft

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First Tiller Press hardcover edition September 2020

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Interior design by Jennifer Chung

Jacket design by Patrick Sullivan

Shovel by Vincent Giordano Photo/Shutterstock & Primastockphoto/Shutterstock; Flowers by The Natures

Author photograph Aiden White

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is available.

ISBN 978-1-9821-6310-5

ISBN 978-1-9821-6311-2 (ebook)

This book is dedicated to all people seeking to create a Kinder world. We need you.

Ive learned about Kindness from a lot of people. My parents, Brad and Lesa, have been nothing but supportive my entire life, and to have champions like that who are forever in your corner is a gift that affects generations.

The influence of teachers on my world is the reason I work in education. My cofounder, John Norlin, is a relentless example of a life intentionally lived. My mentor, Tyler Durman, is as honest and compassionate as he is tall.

My ex-partner, Harley, walked a long, weird, wonderful, and winding road with me. We held many mirrors up to each other, and I am forever grateful for that adventure and where weve arrived on the far side.

The role of friendship continues to teach me everything I need to know about how to do life better. Michael Zaro was my big brother growing up as an only child, and from a young age he taught me that you can be ridiculously cool because you are consistently Kind. My current roommatesEsteban, Jackie, Ben, and Jessiehelp me dance and laugh and play more. They remind me to be fully me and to show up in the world with the full force of my gifts. To love and give of yourself fullythat is perhaps the Kindest thing we can learn to do.

I call it the Hot Dog Seat.

You know the one: the middle seat on airplanes where, for whatever number of necessary hours, you are trapped between two people buns. The one where you have quiet battles for armrest space and a climate that is the average of whatever fan speed your neighbors have twisted to.

I found myself in the Hot Dog Seat early on in a speaking career that would take me to over six hundred campuses around the world talking to students about things like Kindness. This particular travel day was for a school that offered to fly me out to talk to their students. It was one of the first times a school put me on a plane, so I was humbled, nervous, and a bit exhausted. All I wanted to do was take a nap and prepare for the big day tomorrow. Helga, the woman who had just sat down next to me, had different plans.

Id settled into my Hot Dog Seat before she arrived. As she pulled up to my row, she made it clear I didnt have to fully get into the aisle so she could get to her window seat, so we did the old middle school dance-off. Youve been there: the stranger is passing by you in the small and contained area, you are standing to let them through, and suddenly you are face-to-face in a seventh-grade slow-dance pose.

Finally, she came to rest, and I immediately noted she had way more energy than I was hoping she would. She was fidgety and enthused. I was tired and wanted to take a nap. In my periphery, I saw that she had begun to decorate her space. A hand-knitted blanket. A dog trinket that hung from the seat-back pocket.

I suppose that, for a three-hour ride, you have to make it feel like home.

Despite my noise-canceling headphones, periphery-blinding neck pillow, and all other outward signs that I was ready to go to sleep, she tapped me on the shoulder to introduce herself.

Hi, my name is Helga!

Naptime officially delayed.

Without any sort of real conversational pause, she leaped into action. Helga asked me all kinds of questions: Where was I from, where was I going, what was I doing with my life?

I told her that Im from Maine. I grew up in Seattle. I was on my way to go speak at a schoolthats what I do with my life. She lit up. Houston! I worked in a school as well! It was a high school. What was your favorite part of high school?

My senior year. My answers (and patience) were getting shorter.

Why? Her earnestness was insurmountable.

I explained that, during my last year of high school, some friends and I came together and created a group on campus called R.A.K.E., or Random Acts of Kindness, Etc. Once a week, we would meet and talk about Kindness. We shared why it was important, why the world needed more of it, and what we could do to exercise it. Then, we would go out onto our campus and practice! There were, I explained, only two rules to R.A.K.E.

1. MEET SOMEONE NEW
2. LEAVE THEM BETTER THAN YOU FOUND THEM

We realized that, at a school of our size (eighteen hundred students), we could meet someone new every day of high school and still not meet all the people in our building. We knew that everyone was craving some kind of connection, so we would talk often about what it looked like to effectively leave someone better than we found them.

It wasnt long before Helga got emotional. She had hair that curled skyward and a smile that took in her whole face. She had green eyes that looked like they had their own gardens growing in them. She was wearing a cozy neck pillow that, based on all the evidence Id gathered, didnt seem like it was going to be getting much use.