Katina Mountanos - On Adulting

Copyright 2020 by Katina Mountanos

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any manner without the express written consent of the publisher, except in the case of brief excerpts in critical reviews or articles. All inquiries should be addressed to Skyhorse Publishing, 307 West 36th Street, 11th Floor, New York, NY 10018.

Skyhorse Publishing books may be purchased in bulk at special discounts for sales promotion, corporate gifts, fund-raising, or educational purposes. Special editions can also be created to specifications. For details, contact the Special Sales Department, Skyhorse Publishing, 307 West 36th Street, 11th Floor, New York, NY 10018 or .

Skyhorse and Skyhorse Publishing are registered trademarks of Skyhorse Publishing, Inc., a Delaware corporation.

Visit our website at www.skyhorsepublishing.com.

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is available on file.

Cover design by Kai Texel

ISBN: 978-1-5107-5882-7

Ebook ISBN: 9978-1-5107-5883-4

Printed in the United States of America

To my parents, who always encouraged me to Reach for the Stars

To Dupi, who has the uncanny ability to see my dreams become reality before I can even imagine them

And

To anyone who feels like their own dreams are impossible: the stuff that keeps tapping you on the shoulder wont stop until you listen.

CONTENTS

PREFACE

A Note to the Human Reading These Pages

Have you ever felt like you were going through it?

Going through it is a difficult feeling to describe in words. Urban Dictionary, ever the formal source, defines going through it as an experience that makes you soft and emotional. My definition is a bit more intricate (and a bit more realistic, if you ask me.) To me, going through it happens when everything around you seems to be falling apart. Its those moments in time when you watch your life as you knew it slip through your fingers like tiny grains of sand. From the outside you may look normal, but inside it feels like tectonic plates are beginning to wake up from a long hibernation. Many of us start going through itwhether we realize it or notonce we step into the real world. We begin to see through all the B.S. we once believed, or maybe we just begin to see more clearly how distorted our vision was in the first placeand sometimes, all of that is too much to bear.

If youve ever gone through it (hey, maybe you are right now), you know that words, in any form, feel like a mirror to your soul. They make you jolt up with excitement and wonder. It doesnt matter how you come across them. They could be in a book, or in a video, or heck, on a subway ad. But the moment that you feel seen, that your feelings are validated by some random stranger who felt the same exact way , you know that youre not alone. And, being not alone matters. It matters even more than the words themselves. Because when youre going through it, every single breath takes effort. It feels like one small shift could send you crumbling. It seems like youre the only possible person in the whole entire world who could ever feel as crummy as you do right now.

So, when you realize that youre not alonethat these weird, confusing feelings are part of the shared human experiencea weight (or a crumb) falls away. You begin to look up, and maybe even take a peek around. You realize that this period in time when youre going through it is just that: a moment. And, that moment might teach you something.

Heck, it might teach others something. It might even shift the world for the better.

Oh boy, did I really go through it. A few years ago, when I entered The Club I Never Asked to Joinotherwise known as AdulthoodI was confused and sad and angry. It literally felt like my face was permanently scrawled into that What The F*ck- looking emoji (you know, the one with &$!#% coming out of its very red face.) Before I joined this club, I had a pretty run-of-the-mill life. One that most of you could probably relate to, because it was so... normal . Before that time, I had never really questioned my existential happiness. I mean, yeah, I had felt confused and sad and angry beforefor big stuff, like when my grandma passed away before my dad could make it to see her in their tiny village in Greece, or little stuff, like when my high school soccer coach told me that I was probably better off running track instead (which, I most definitely was, though his observation still stung). But, it wasnt until I woke up every single day and realized that this was it, this was the life I worked so hard for that I started going through it. And to me, it wasnt an experience that made me simply feel soft and emotional.

As soon as I could bear to lift my head up and observe all my fellow humans in this weird club, I couldnt believe my eyes. On one hand, it seemed like everyone elses days were going so well. They got on the subway and picked out their groceries every Sunday and did all that adult stuff were required to without complaining, while I could barely keep one measly plant alive in my very small, very messy apartment. But, as I got closer and peeled back the layers a bit, I soon realized that this new reality was even worse than I thought. Because, for a while I thought that I was the one who was doing something wrong. I guessed that I just couldnt figure out this whole adulthood thing and soon Id just have to suck it up, button that suit jacket, and fit in. But instead, I came to learn that all these so-called good adults were simply just taking the easy way out. They were settling for good enough . They were running from work to their kids soccer games to scrambling to answer emails before bed, half-heartedly with one foot out the door. These people I once looked up to and wanted to be like were constantly in a process of negotiation instead of choice. And, even though I didnt know much, I knew one thing for sure: if this was going to be the rest of my life, something had to change.

Being the Type-A, over-achiever I was trained to be, I knew I needed to figure this all out. So, I began to do my research. I devoured words in all forms. I seemed to inhale books, attend workshops, and talk to as many people as I could about living a life that mattered to me , instead of the white man in a suit upstairs. One that was a choice rather than a negotiation. A life that didnt feel like I settled into the humdrum of Adulthood, only to wake up decades later and realize that it all passed me by. And in my most desperate moments, I made a promise to myself: if I ever figured it out, I would pay it forward. I would share my words and experiences with others who are going through it so they can begin to pick their heads up, too. So, they can see that theyre not alone by any means, even if it feels like it. But most importantly, if I ever got this whole Adulthood thing under my belt, I wanted to make sure that none of us would ever have to settle for a life that wasnt our choice.

Yet the more I pulled back the layersof both this weird world we were operating in and my own beliefs about themI realized that I didnt need to wait until my version of Adulthood was perfect. I saw that this whole growing up thing was messy and confusing at every step anyway, so I might as well share my process of understanding it. And, the more that I stopped trying to fit this mold that I clearly wasnt meant to fit in, the less that I felt like I was going through it . Now, there are a lot of things that happened during that messy middle and trust me, the entire point of this book is to work through every single step of them. But for the moment, lets fast forward a bit.