DeVon Franklin - Live Free: Exceed Your Highest Expectations

I am forever grateful for all the divine and practical assistance Ive received to help get this message to the world. I want to thank God and my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ for the opportunity to write and publish yet another book. Im beyond appreciative. I want to thank my amazing wife, Meaganyou are the love of my life. I want to thank the great Mauro DiPretathank you for being a phenomenal leader, editor, and human being; Im extremely humbled by your belief in me. Thank you to the incomparable team at William Morrow and HarperCollins; my awesome book agent and angel Jan Miller at Dupree Miller; my book confidant and friend Nena Medonia Oshmam; my fearlessly excellent writing collaborator, Sarah Tomlinsonthank you for your help every step of the way; the dynamic Alan Silfenyour photography is art personified, thank you for blessing me yet again with your gift; my wonderful team at Franklin Entertainmentthank you Safiya, Sabrina, Rebecca, Katarina, Karen, Brittany, Jenna, and Alex; and to my mother, Paulette, all my family, my friends, associates, and unbelievable supportersthank you, and as I always say, I love you and theres nothing you can do about it.

Produced by Faith

The Wait

The Truth About Men

The Success Commandments

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You are your own worst enemy. If you can learn to stop expecting impossible perfection, in yourself and others, you may find the happiness that has always eluded you.

L ISA K LEYPAS

Expectations were like fine pottery. The harder you held them, the more likely they were to crack.

B RANDON S ANDERSON

Expectations are weights. They can weigh us down physically. They can weigh us down mentally. They can weigh us down spiritually. They put our focus too much on where it shouldnt beon the past, on the future, and on other peopleand distract us from accepting accountability for our own happiness and choices, in the here and now. When we take on too many of them, they make our lives harderand can actually push our goals further away.

Too many expectations can crush you. Thats why they can be so dangerous. Before you can fly, youve got to shed; part of the process of setting expectations is letting go of many of those youve taken on throughout your life, including those you were unaware of up until now.

In this section, were going to open by discussing personal expectations, how and why they can be detrimental, and all of the powerful shifts you can make in your life by properly setting them. But before we get into the nitty-gritty of the process, lets examine their origins. According to Ben Silliman, family life specialist at the University of Wyoming Cooperative Extension Service, we usually pick up our expectations unintentionally, unconsciously, and most often in our childhood. This is why its so important to stop and identify our expectations and where they originated. He points to three main sources:

• FAMILY : Parent/grandparent models, attitudes among relatives, siblings
• SOCIETY : Friends, neighborhood, school/church, TV/media
• PERSONAL EXPERIENCES AND PREFERENCES : Hurts, events, and hopes

To Sillimans list I would add our career or professional life as a potential source of the expectations we carry. Each of these sources influences us to different degrees. But we all have taken on the expectations of our race, gender, economic status, religious background, family, social group, or workplace, to name a few.

Theres a lot of pressure that comes from identifying with certain groups and their expectations, which can range from what were supposed to wear to where were supposed to go, the music were supposed to listen to, and the core foundations of who we are, such as the beliefs were supposed to hold or the ways were supposed to behave.

This would be pressure enough if each of us identified with only one group, but most of us fall into several different ones, all of which come with their own expectations. For example, Im a Black man, a Christian, a son, a brother, a husband, and a friend. Im an author. Im a Hollywood producer. Im in the public eye. Believe me, I know how many expectations these various roles can put upon a single person. I am well aware that many people believe Im supposed to think and act as they feel I should, based on the groups with which I identify.

Heres the rub: if you or I dont live up to certain expectations, were going to be vilified, judged, and probably shunnednot for holding any beliefs that are negative, or in any way despicable, but for having beliefs that may not line up with what some people within our various groups believe. So we often, without realizing it, conform to whats expected of us, even if its not what we want to do, out of fear of what will happen if we dont. How can this possibly be a sane way to live? Its not. It can be overwhelming, demoralizing, draining, and downright disruptive to our well-being. And yet, for most of us, this is how its always been.

Have you ever stopped to think about what expectations are being put on you by others or by the groups you identify with? If you have never thought about this, now is the time.

For example, if youre a man, youre supposed to think this way. If youre a woman, youre supposed to think that way. If youre religious, youre supposed to do this, but not that. If youre young, youre supposed to like this. If youre successful, youre supposed to drive this car. If youre a social media influencer, youre supposed to have this number of followers. Sound familiar? There is a significant cost to unconsciously conforming to such expectations.

I know Ive conformed to whats been expected of me before, and I resented it. You may be doing it right now. But I ask you: Is it worth it? Going along with whats expected, rather than standing up for your right to live as you see fit, and how God has ordained for you to live, might seem easier in the moment, but it comes with a heavy price. We cannot do this long-term without suffering negative effectsfrom resentment on one end to self-destructive behaviors on the other.

It can affect anyone and everyone. As pop music sensation Demi Lovato has publicly expressed in interviews, the pressure she felt to maintain a certain level of physical perfection was so intense that it eventually compelled her to act out in a very dangerous way. Her unhappiness became so great that it caused her to accidentally overdose after six years of sobriety. As she described her life on The Ellen Show in March 2020, others controlled every aspect of her behavior, but the rules were particularly strict around food, especially before photo shoots. She felt powerless and miserable. Plus, she was given no support for the eating disorder with which she was already struggling. After all, being a certain shape was one of the expectations that came along with her role as a pop star. This perfect storm of anxiety and misery eventually became too much for her: