Copyright 2021 by Rockridge Press, Emeryville, California
No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, scanning, or otherwise, except as permitted under Sections 107 or 108 of the 1976 United States Copyright Act, without the prior written permission of the Publisher. Requests to the Publisher for permission should be addressed to the Permissions Department, Rockridge Press, 6005 Shellmound Street, Suite 175, Emeryville, CA 94608.
Limit of Liability/Disclaimer of Warranty: The Publisher and the author make no representations or warranties with respect to the accuracy or completeness of the contents of this work and specifically disclaim all warranties, including without limitation warranties of fitness for a particular purpose. No warranty may be created or extended by sales or promotional materials. The advice and strategies contained herein may not be suitable for every situation. This work is sold with the understanding that the Publisher is not engaged in rendering medical, legal, or other professional advice or services. If professional assistance is required, the services of a competent professional person should be sought. Neither the Publisher nor the author shall be liable for damages arising herefrom. The fact that an individual, organization, or website is referred to in this work as a citation and/or potential source of further information does not mean that the author or the Publisher endorses the information the individual, organization, or website may provide or recommendations they/it may make. Further, readers should be aware that websites listed in this work may have changed or disappeared between when this work was written and when it is read.
For general information on our other products and services or to obtain technical support, please contact our Customer Care Department within the United States at (866) 744-2665, or outside the United States at (510) 253-0500.
Rockridge Press publishes its books in a variety of electronic and print formats. Some content that appears in print may not be available in electronic books, and vice versa.
TRADEMARKS: Rockridge Press and the Rockridge Press logo are trademarks or registered trademarks of Callisto Media Inc. and/or its affiliates, in the United States and other countries, and may not be used without written permission. All other trademarks are the property of their respective owners. Rockridge Press is not associated with any product or vendor mentioned in this book.
Interior and Designer: Erik Jacobson
Art Producer: Tom Hood
Editor: Jesse Aylen
Production Editor: Emily Sheehan
Production Manager: Holly Haydash
Illustrations Molesku Studio/Creative Market, 2021. courtesy Emily Harris Photography.
ISBN: Print 978-1-64876-924-5
eBook 978-1-64876-925-2
R0
To My Grandfather, Fred.
Thank you for teaching me the importance of forgiveness, letting go, and not holding grudges. Your unconditional love and support are deeply missed by those who knew you. However, your forgiving heart lives on in your family.
CONTENTS
As I walked out the door toward the gate that would lead to my freedom, I knew if I didnt leave my bitterness and hatred behind, Id still be in prison.
Nelson Mandela
If youre reading this workbook on a touch-screen device, you can add notes and highlight text just like you would in a physical workbook.
Some sections will prompt you to write in answers or personal responses. Its easygive it a try right here: ___________.
With your finger, tap and hold for a few moments on the line above. Depending on the device youre using, an icon such as a magnifying glass will appear. Lift your finger and youll see an options menu. Select Note (or Notes) to add and save your own text. When youre done, an icon or highlighted area will remain, which you can always return to and tap if you want to reopen and read or edit your note.
The same tap-and-hold options menu offers Highlight or Color, which you can select if you want to highlight a passage or check a box. Experiment with it: By swiping your finger before releasing you can select entire sentences or paragraphs. The options menu also offers Bookmark for when you want quick access back to certain pages.
This method is the same on nearly all touch-screen ebook devices, but some have slight variations. If youd like more information specific to the device youre holding in your hands, a quick online search will yield best results.
No matter our origins, we are all emotional and social beings seeking human connection, a need that is perhaps all the more urgent when weve been wronged. Forgiveness, a concept that has existed across cultural lines for centuries, is intended to restore those severed connections, but the practice is by no means easy. When weve been hurt by others, our initial reactions are often fueled by anger, resentment, or vengeance. Eager to protect ourselves from further harm, we justify these responses; we were the ones who suffered, after all. But by using anger to create a shield of comfort, we instead trap ourselves in a room of our own anxieties, denying ourselves the true source of healing.
Having extensively studied the practice of forgiveness, I understand the process and commitment of this journey all too well. Both in my personal life and while working with clients, Ive encountered situations where a choice must be made between forgiveness and holding on to the safety net of anger. Like my clients, I often wondered, If I forgive too quickly, will this open me up to be hurt again? By choosing forgiveness, am I telling this person that it was okay for them to do what they did? Once Ive decided to forgive, will everything be forgotten as though it never happened?
Through years of research, study, and therapeutic work, Ive found satisfactory answers to all these questions and more. Ive learned that while true forgiveness doesnt come easily, it doesnt come with anger, shame, resentment, or anxiety, either. Rather, it brings a sense of peaceful acceptance and the liberating ability to let go of our pain.
People looking for a way to forgive someone who has wronged them are also looking for a way to forgive themselves. They want to let go of resentment, anger, or guilt and achieve a sense of peace, but they dont have a road map for how to get there. We can know something is good for us, but it only leads to more confusion and frustration if we have no idea how to obtain it in a practical, realistic way.
I wrote this workbook to aid those of you who need a map, those of you who have been dealing with deep-seated anger, resentment, and shame around the idea of forgiving. Whether youre looking to forgive a person, a group of people, or even yourselffor the first time or after many attemptsthis book is for you. Regardless of where you might be on your journey, I commend you for taking this step and encourage you to work through this book honestly and thoughtfully. Above all, I hope you can trust that better things await you on the other side.
The Forgiveness Workbook is intended to provide you with strategies and exercises that are useful, informative, and straightforward. Ill begin by introducing you to the importance of forgiveness. Ill then guide you through your personal journey of recognition, release, and healing using the six stages of forgiveness. A chapter will address each of those stages, helping you build a foundation of knowledge before walking you through exercises and reflection questions to help you put what youve learned into practice.
