Najwa Zebian - Welcome Home: A Guide to Building a Home for Your Soul

Before you start building your home, you must lay the brick road that leads to the land on which your home will be built. By breaking down all the obstacles in your way, you will turn your roadblocks into bricks that form the construction of the road.

The mistake most of us make is that we build our homes in other people in the hope that they will deem us worthy of being welcomed inside. We feel so abandoned and empty when people leave, because weve invested so much of ourselves in them. In this introduction, youll learn about the power of taking ownership over building your home, your own space, within yourself. Regardless of your past, how homeless you were, or how many people you begged to love you, building your home begins here and now.

Are you ready?

Lets start constructing the road to home.

It was a Monday morning.

I woke up to a message that said Can I call you? This was a little unusual for Noah to ask, because we usually planned our calls days in advance. It didnt sit right with me, but since wed been texting a lot more recently, I decided a phone call was a natural progression. So I answered Of course! I jumped out of bed, threw my hair up in a bun, and sat at the island in my kitchen, where I spend much of my time writing.

He called me on his way to work. We talked about his job for a little bit. We laughed a lot. I dont remember why. But I was always very giddy with him on the phone. I liked to make him laugh, even if it meant making a fool of myself.

As we chatted about random life things, something in my heart said This cant be it. Hes calling to tell me something.

Does he want to find out when he can see me next? Does he want to start opening up more? Does he miss me? Nothat cant be it. Hes so emotionally independent. He would never admit that even if it were true.

But another voice, one that Id been working so hard on listening to, said He just wants to talk to you. Relax. You deserve to have someone call you out of the blue just because he wants to hear your voice.

I listened to that voice this time. It was the same voice Id listened to a few days earlier when I pushed myself out of my comfort zone and started speaking to him in a more complimentary tone. He wasnt reciprocating every single time, but he was happy to receive the compliments. And at that point, thats all that mattered to me. He was trying to overcome a toxic past, and for him to accept a compliment was a huge step.

I felt happy someone had accepted my praise.

That inner voice took me so far past my comfort zone that I surprised myself. I wasnt used to telling someone how much I wished I could see them. That thought aloneto tell someone I wished I were in their presencemade me blush uncontrollably. I somehow felt ashamed for expressing thatfor wanting thatfor admitting that.

You see, in my culture, talking about feelings and romance is taboo. Its only for the movies and TV shows. Its like, as a child, you could watch these shows, but you had to know what happened in them couldnt happen in real life. It was a kind of cognitive dissonance. That happens and its okay for others to experience it, but if I did it, I would be in trouble.

At least thats how I grew up in a tiny village in Lebanon. Everyone was of the Muslim faithon paper. The mosque was right across from my house. And I grew up with a heavy religious education. That education drew hard lines between girls and boys, men and women. As a child, this is how I saw relationships: One day your knight in shining armor sees you, somehow, even though youre hidden. He says hes in love with you and wants to marry you. And, boom. You live happily ever after.