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ISBN: Print 978-1-64739-152-2
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R0
For Alex, Lydia, and Charlie, and for Dina, who inspires me to continue in my growth.
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Contents
Each of us sees his own actions in the light of his own intentions, but we see the other's actions in the light of the effect they have on us.
JOHN L. WALLEN
I believe most people want to bring their best to work. Since youve chosen to read this book, I suspect you are looking to do just that. This means showing up in an authentic way that brings not necessarily your whole self, but your best self to the workplace. It also means learning to leverage the wisdom of your and others emotions in order to make better decisions, manage stress, resolve conflict, and maintain effective relationships. These are key to emotional intelligence, or EQ.
Emotional intelligence is ultimately about how you show up in relationships. This means knowing what you think, feel, and want on the inside, and how well you are able to regulate this on the outside. It is also about being able to tap into what others may think, feel, and want, and using this knowledge to help you navigate your relationships with them. It is about your reputation, trustworthiness, and the empathy you demonstrate. It is about your behavior when you communicate and collaborate with others, how well you are able to give and receive feedback, and your ability to manage stress and conflict. Working with others effectively is profoundly impacted by your emotions, and requires the ability to self-soothe, connect, and integrate in relationships. When your EQ is high, it can greatly improve your effectiveness with others as well as help you advance in your career. EQ cannot be developed outside of interactions with others because it shows up in your behavior, and this can only be developed and sustained in relationships. Little of what you discover in this book will be of practical use if you do not choose to practice the elements of EQ in your relationships. This may require pushing beyond your comfort zone in order to change your behaviors. It will take courage and, like anything worth doing, it can pay enormous dividends. As the writer James Baldwin said, Not everything that is faced can be changed, but nothing can be changed until it is faced. Reading this book will certainly help you learn more about EQ, but facing your own level of EQ competency means intentionally and courageously altering your behavior in order to grow. With continued practice, discipline, and patience, you will then increase your EQ competency and further thrive in your career.
This book begins with a discussion of why EQ matters in the workplace, how it can contribute to success in your career, and the importance of building strong work relationships. In will conclude with preparing for your success, the importance of practice and patience, choosing an EQ role model, and sustaining the change youre looking to make.
I began writing this book just as the COVID-19 pandemic was sweeping around the world. As a resident of Seattle, where the virus first took hold in the United States, I became acutely aware of the devastating effects it was having on people in workplaces of all kinds. Though many white-collar workers were able to work from home by taking advantage of various technologies to stay productive and keep in touch, that was certainly not the case for everyone. Even those able to work from home found it difficult to effectively interact with others without the subtle nonverbal clues of being in the same physical space with them. Since many people had not already established trust or demonstrated warmth and empathy prior to working from home, it became even more difficult to be effective when separated from their colleagues. This highlights the importance of developing ones emotional intelligence in order to become more successful both when we are in the same room with others and when we are working from home.
