Eveline Helmink - The Handbook for Bad Days: Shortcuts to Get Present When Things Arent Perfect

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FOR YOU,

Because at night I heard you crying, and I didnt know quite what to say.

I found some words.

This is not your average self-help book. I dont propose a method or a ready-to-use, five-step plan for your hard days. Sometimes all a bad day needs is a fluffy cardigan, a hot shower, or a nice walk. Sometimes you can keep it simple. Other times you need a little more. The shortcuts in this book are designed to make it easier for you to get started.

I am not a coach, a psychologist, or a teacher, but Ive had a lifelong fascination with frayed edges, imperfection, and resilience. These days, I consider myself a cheerleader for adversity, chagrin, and discomfort, and its my experience that although bad days dont exactly make life pleasant, they do make it interesting. They are part of lifeneither good nor bad on their own. And its often on the days when things arent going so well that youll learn the most about yourself. As Pema Chdrn says, We think that the point is to pass the test or to overcome the problem, but the truth is that things dont really get solved. The healing comes from letting there be room for all of this to happen: room for grief, for relief, for misery, for joy.

I hope with all my heart that The Handbook for Bad Days will help you to face your worst days with courage, with compassion, and with your head held high.

Eveline Helmink

I take the key from the ignition of my car and watch as the rain hits my windshield. In five minutes, at half past three, I will be with my mother. Which gives me five more minutes inside this steel cocoon. I already know whats about to unfold. Ive had this experience many times before.

First, a feeling of resistance boils up inside of me: I dont want to, I dont want this, I want my mother to be healthy and living at home with my father. This is unfair and stupid. Then sadness washes over me: I dont want things to change or pass, and I want my mother back, and I want it now. Then comes the bargaining: She is still thereand she may no longer speak the language of words, but the language of love, which is universal and timeless. Then the fear: What if shes sad? What if shes not having a good day? Then the courage: Ill be there. Followed by acceptance: This is how it is.

I observe all of it and exhale. Only then do I open the door and get out.

My arms spread wide. I smile a real smile. And then I go and see my mother.

In a time when we are so eager to share how perfectly our lives are going, how #blessed we are, and what a great job were doing to get the most out of our body, mind, and soul at every moment, there doesnt seem to be much room for the inexorable truth that in every human life there are days that are, well, bad.

Days when there seems to be less of everything: less energy, less flow, and less positivity. Days when everything seems to go wrong. When, for example, you are all but certain you will end up lonely and miserable, simply because its your destiny, and after all, all signs are pointing to the inevitablewhy else would you have a flat tire? Or days when, even though nothing extraordinary is happening, you wake up with a knot in your stomach, and a faint mist of sadness is hanging around you, and whatever you do, you cannot seem to shed it. Your skin is breaking out, your hair is lifeless, and you meditate for an hour because its supposed to help, but then you drop your bowl of yogurt and granola on the kitchen floor and conclude: I might as well have stayed in bed. No matter how thoroughly you search, you cant find your mojo anywhere.

Sometimes, bad days happen in reaction to things that are unfair, unexpected, or embarrassing: Your boss gives you some unwelcome feedback, or youre going through a rough patch with your partner. Other times, they appear out of the blue. It hurts, having a day when you wish you could give the finger to the merciless universe that seems to conspire against you and it feels as if the universe, in total indifference to the fate of one of its billions of earth-dwelling inhabitants, is returning the gesture. Its paradoxical, but on tough days, everything feels both incredibly personal and totally impersonal at the same time.

Now, I dont know about you, but the moments when Im grumpy, irritated, sad, and/or tired are not the moments when I want to hear that I should meditate more. I dont necessarily feel like braving a rainstorm to bike to the gym or spending an hour in the kitchen to make a plant-based meal, or motivating myself to scrutinize a thick and complicated self-improvement book, however healing those things may be. On my bad days, I lack the energy. I want nothing.

When youre having a hard day, hearing about all the things you should be doing is usually not what you are hoping for. Just like youd prefer that no one tell you that you will find another in no time after your boyfriend just walked out the door or that there will be better opportunities after youve missed out on another job. Its not that these pieces of advice arent meaningful; they often make all the sense in the world. But while you may know theres wisdom there, thats not what it feels like. On hard days, it takes just a little bit longer to get from zero to Zen than on days when everything is rolling along smoothly.

To put it plainly: On my worst days Im pretty pleased with myself if, by the end of the day, Ive managed to wash my hair and not polish off the entire pint of ice cream in one sitting.

As you can probably tell by now, I have a lot of experience with bad days. But, of course, the great irony is that I am an editor in chief for one of the biggest happiness brands in one of the happiest countries on earth: the Netherlands. My magazine, Happinez, is committed to happiness, personal growth, and meaningful and purposeful living. We produce magazines all over the world, provide online courses, and organize and host dozens of events each year, including a three-day happiness festival.

In recent years, Happinez has inspired hundreds of thousands, if not millions of people worldwide by sharing our views on happiness and what it means to live a mindful life. As a matter of fact, not a day goes by that I dont concern myself with these topics. I can safely say I am all about happiness Not only did I turn it into my job; even after office hours, I always have happiness on my mind. Just like everyone else, I too like to live a pleasant, light, and effortless life.

So why, you might be asking, is this woman whose personal and professional life is all about happiness writing a book about bad days? Why would someone like that be cheerleading for sitting with our disappointment, headwinds, and overall misery?