Adam J. Kurtz - You Are Here (For Now): A Guide to Finding Your Way

Ive spent a lot of time as a person focused on getting through the hard parts. When youre in a dark place and processing complicated emotions or challenges, just trying to stay afloat makes sense. Its not always easy, but its an easy enough plan. Dont die. Okay, yes. Dont quit. Right, good idea. It gets better. So Ive been told.

In my own lived experience, most good advice is rooted in the same concept: Hang in there, baby, because this too shall pass.

This book is not expert advice on how to be a person. If anything, this is me trying to explain that I didnt know what to anticipate of my life, and though I have since exceeded my very modest goals, Im still figuring it out as I go. By managing expectations, by holding onto my core truths, by finding hope in possibility, and humor in the darkness, I have found a way to be okay. Sometimes people tell you that they had a dream from a young age, they didnt take no for an answer, and they manifested the sh*t out of it, so now theyre the kind of person who says Just believe in yourself! and it feels like maybe theyre on to something. Please know that I dont feel like that person. All Ive ever done is try to get through the parts I dont love and enjoy the parts I do, because I understand neither lasts forever.

Part of what makes things better in time is that you yourself get better. You grow into your own. You hone your skills. You learn to embrace who you are and find strength in that identity. A big part of my problem is that I have always been a loud, shy person who is bad at masking their emotions. Its very look at me okay wait but dont, and then inevitably when you do its too clear how Im feeling about a situation. Over time and without other real options, Ive embraced this about myself and tried to make it work.

Waiting for things to get better is part of the process of being alive. Time does heal many wounds. But it doesnt work alone. While I wish we all had the luxury of time, you might not. The opportunity you were hoping for might come sooner than youre fully prepared for. That specific chance might not come again. Does this make me a live-every-day-like-youre-dying person? Hell no. That sounds exhausting. And redundant, because as has been well established, we are always slowly approaching death. Living in a frenzy is no way to live, and despite attempts at a perfect day-to-night outfit or a perfect New Years Eve, no amount of staged photos and metallic number balloons can force a moment into a perfect memory.

There has to be a balance. Between waiting and preparing. Between growth and rest. Between living and curating. You can bide your energy while protecting it. You can research and practice while also acknowledging you wont fully know until you try. You may not have a plan, but you can plan ahead. Your most important role might be revealed only moments before it begins. In the meantime, you can be open to the idea and learn something from every experience along the way. Acknowledge that you both do and dont have a lot of time and then try not to think about it. everything will be so good so soon, just hang in there and dont worry about it too much .

I wish that we all got the same pieces in the same order and could have unlimited time to arrange them. I wish I could give you the piece you feel like youre missing. Sometimes thats almost what advice is, someone else thinks they can see your puzzle so clearly and is desperate to just give you the answer that worked for them. But life is weird. Were the same but different. Things are unpredictable. The patterns are there but the recipes are all to taste, and so while learning from family helps its not a guarantee. If you havent been told exactly what to do, it will take trial and error. If you follow exact instructions, you may find that your taste varies. Either way its a whole lot of muffins to get through, and then maybe you realize your life was meant to be a cupcake all along.

If youre extremely patient and do almost nothing else, change does happen. Inching along, gradual shifts in culture around us can bring positive impact to our lives. Hang in there often works. But if you want a head startwhether youre impatient, need practice, or feel time running outyou may need to effect that change for yourself. You can absolutely bake on low but youll end up with soft edges unless you turn up the heat. You can change your own world, altering both the ingredients and the method for a head start on whatever pastry youve decided is your future.

The world is big and you will spend a lot of time in it. Some people get a hundred years, others get thirty, and in both cases thats their entire lifetime with no stopping. Waiting for things to improve is sometimes as much as any of us can muster. But time is moving forward throughout. If you get comfortable in the waiting, if you wait too long, if youre picky as you wait for the perfect variables and your most confident and secure self, ready to tackle only what you are fully prepared for, you may end up spending more time than planned. In our baking metaphor too much time in the oven and youll get burned. Now youre carefully scraping off the edges or drowning everything in icing in hopes that nobody else notices.