Mel Robbins - The High 5 Habit: Take Control of Your Life with One Simple Habit

Books

The 5 Second Rule: Transform Your Life, Work, and Confidence with Everyday Courage

Audiobook Originals

Take Control of Your Life: How to Silence Fear and Win the Mental Game

Work It Out: The New Rules for Women to Get Ahead at Work

Kick Ass with Mel Robbins

Start Here: Pep Talks for Life

Copyright 2021 by Mel Robbins

Published in the United States by: Hay House, Inc.: www.hayhouse.com Published in Australia by: Hay House Australia Pty. Ltd.: www.hayhouse.com.au Published in the United Kingdom by: Hay House UK, Ltd.: www.hayhouse.co.uk Published in India by: Hay House Publishers India: www.hayhouse.co.in

Project editor: Melody Guy

Cover design: Skye High Interactive, Inc.

Interior design: Skye High Interactive, Inc. and Nick C. Welch

Interior photos/illustrations: Courtesy of the author

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced by any mechanical, photographic, or electronic process, or in the form of a phonographic recording; nor may it be stored in a retrieval system, transmitted, or otherwise be copied for public or private useother than for fair use as brief quotations embodied in articles and reviewswithout prior written permission of the publisher.

The author of this book does not dispense medical advice or prescribe the use of any technique as a form of treatment for physical, emotional, or medical problems without the advice of a physician, either directly or indirectly. The intent of the author is only to offer information of a general nature to help you in your quest for emotional, physical, and spiritual well-being. In the event you use any of the information in this book for yourself, the author and the publisher assume no responsibility for your actions.

Cataloging-in-Publication Data is on file at the Library of Congress

Hardcover ISBN: 978-1-4019-6212-8

E-book ISBN: 978-1-4019-6213-5

For Chris, Sawyer, Kendall, and Oakley

Let me tell you about a day, not very long ago, when I made a simple discovery. I call it the High 5 Habit and it will help you improve the most important relationship in your lifethe one you have with yourself. Im going to share with you the story, the research, and how you can use this habit to change your life too.

It all started one morning as I was standing in my bathroom brushing my teeth, and I caught my reflection in the mirror, and thought:

Ugh.

I started picking apart all the things I dont like about myselfthe dark circles under my eyes, my pointy chin, the fact that my right boob is smaller than the left one, and the saggy skin on my stomach. My mind started going: I look horrible. I need to exercise more. I hate my neck. Every thought I had just made me feel worse about myself.

I looked at the timemy first Zoom call started in 15 minutes. Ive got to get up earlier. I thought about the deadline I was up against. The deal I was trying to close. The emails and texts I hadnt responded to. The dog that had yet to be walked. My dads biopsy results. And all the things the kids needed me to do today. I felt completely overwhelmed and I hadnt even put on a bra or had coffee yet.

Ugh.

All I wanted to do that morning was pour myself a cup of coffee, collapse in front of the TV, and just forget about all the things that were bothering me... but I knew that was the wrong thing to do. I knew that no one was going to swoop in and fix my problems or finish the projects on my list or exercise for me or handle that difficult conversation I needed to have at work.

It had been a hell of a few months. The stress was nonstop. Id been so busy taking care of and worrying about everyone and everything else, who was taking care of me? Im sure you can relate to that on some level too. In moments like this, when the demands of life pile up and your attitude tanks, it can create a downward spiral.

I needed someone to tell me, Youre right, this is hard. You dont deserve this. Its not fair... and if anyone can handle it, its YOU. Thats what I wanted to hear. I needed reassurance and a pep talk. And, even though Im one of the most successful motivational speakers in the world, I couldnt think of a single thing to say.

I dont know what came over me. Or why I did it. But for whatever reason, standing there in my bathroom, in my underwear, I lifted my hand to my tired reflection in a kind of salute. I see you, was all I wanted to say. I see you and I love you. Come on now, Mel. Youve got this.

I realized midway through this gesture that my salute to myself was a simple high five. Recognizable, unmistakable, and as common as a handshake. Weve all given and received high fives countless times in our lives. Maybe theres even something a little cheesy about them. But there I stood, braless and uncaffeinated, leaning against the bathroom sink, high fiving my own reflection.

Without saying a word, I was telling myself something I desperately needed to hear. I was assuring myself that I could do it, whatever it was. I was cheering for myself, and encouraging the woman I saw in the mirror to lift her chin and keep going. As my hand touched the mirror and met my reflection, I felt my spirit lift a little. I wasnt alone. I had ME. It was a simple gesture, an act of kindness toward myself. Something I needed, and deserved.

Immediately, I felt my chest loosen, I squared my shoulders, and I cracked a smile at how corny the high five seemed, but suddenly, I didnt look so tired, I didnt feel so alone, and that to-do list didnt seem so daunting. I went on with my day.

The next morning, the alarm went off. Same problems and same overwhelm. I got up. I made my bed. I walked into the bathroom and there was my reflection: Hey there, Mel. Without thinking, I smiled and found myself high fiving myself in the mirror again.

On the third morning, I got up and realized I was thinking about and looking forward to now seeing my reflection so I could give myself that high five. I know its weird, but its the truth. I made my bed a little quicker than usual and walked into the bathroom with a sense of enthusiasm that no one should have at 6:05 a.m. The only way I can describe it:

Later that day, I wondered about the times in life when Ive gotten a high five. Naturally, I thought about playing team sports when I was younger. I thought about the road races I used to run with my girlfriends. Or watching baseball games at Fenway Park and how the stadium erupts with high fives when the Red Sox score. Or high fiving a friend when they got that promotion, or broke up with that loser, or played the winning hand in a game of cards.

And then I remembered one of the highlights of my life: running the New York City marathon in 2001, just two months after the 9/11 terrorist attacks killed 2,977 people and destroyed the Twin Towers.

For 26.2 miles, spectators jammed the sidewalks and for as far as the eye could see American flags hung from apartment windows in every building as the course wove its way through all five boroughs that make up New York City.

If it had not been for the people watching, who, for 26.2 miles, packed both sides of the route and high fived me and cheered for me, there is no way I would have made it. On my own, I just dont have that kind of Navy SEAL stamina. I get winded carrying groceries up two flights of stairs. At the time, I was a new mom, working full time with two kids under the age of three, who hadnt done the proper training for a race that long. Heck, my sneakers were barely broken in, but it had always been on my bucket list to complete this race, so when I got a chance to run it, I was determined to do it. There were so many moments when my knees buckled, my bladder leaked, and my mind pleaded,