Annie Grace - This Naked Mind

Photo by Anthology Fine Art

ANNIE GRACE has had a unique life from the very beginning. She grew up in a one-room cabin without running water or electricity in the mountains of Colorado and then, at age twenty-six, became the youngest vice president in a multinational corporation. Success, however, led to excessive drinking and the possibility that she might lose everything. Annie recognized her problem but chose to approach it in an entirely new way. Annies program has been featured in Forbes, the New York Daily News, and the Chicago Tribune. Annie is successful, happy, and alcohol-free and lives with her husband and three children in the Colorado mountains.

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First published in Great Britain by HQ in 2018

Copyright Annie Grace 2018

Annie Grace asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work.

A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library.

This novel is entirely a work of fiction. The names, characters and incidents portrayed in it are the work of the authors imagination. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events or localities is entirely coincidental.

All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the non-exclusive, non-transferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, down-loaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins.

Ebook Edition December 2017 ISBN: 9780008293444

Version: 2018-04-18

To He Who Is:

Because you loved me before I knew your name and taught me there is always room at the bottom.

Husband:

Thank you for your incredible strength and amazing grace.

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Twitter: @thisnakedmind

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The most selfless and amazing book I have ever read. Thank you, Annie Grace, for your wisdom, intelligence, sense of humor, and love. I do believe you have saved my life. Today my youngest child got her final exam results and the next phase of her life begins. She will not be alone. Thank you, Annie Grace, for this gift.

Bernie M., Dublin, Ireland

Without sounding too extreme, this book has significantly and I think permanently changed me and my attitude toward drinking. I have used Annies wisdom and done some things alcohol-free that I would never have thought I could do. I cant say enough good about it and advise those who are ambivalent about drinking and not drinking to read it. Thanks again, Annie Grace, youve given me my life back, seriously.

Katy F., Albuquerque, New Mexico

As a huge fan of Jason Vale, I was really interested to read This Naked Mind. It was so interesting to read more about the science behind addiction and the unconscious mind. It added a new level to my understanding of why I want to live a sober and happy life! I highly recommend this book to anyone, whether they are interested in cutting down or staying alcohol- free; there are so many practical tips and suggestions. I loved it!

Sarah L., London, United Kingdom

Genuinely hopeful and realistic philosophy and practice. Thanks, Annie Grace.

Louise P., Des Moines, Iowa

This Naked Mind has allowed me to view my drinking habits from a new perspective. Now I know the science behind my addictive tendencies, sobriety has become less of a struggle and more of a celebration because I am finally free to live life on my own terms rather than under the control of alcohol. The message in This Naked Mind is truly liberating.

Marcus J., London, United Kingdom

TABLE OF CONTENTS

3:33 a.m. I wake up at the same time every night. I briefly wonder if that is supposed to mean something. Probably not, probably just a coincidence. I know whats coming, and I brace myself. The usual thoughts begin to surface. I try to piece the previous evening together, attempting to count my drinks. I count five glasses of wine, and then the memories grow fuzzy. I know I had a few more, but Ive now lost count. I wonder how anyone can drink so much. I know I cant go on like this. I start to worry about my health, beginning the well-trodden road of fear and recrimination: What were you thinking? Dont you care about anything? Anyone? How will it feel if you end up with cancer? It will serve you right. What about the kids? Cant you stop for the kids? Or Brian? They love you. Theres no good reason why, but they do. Why are you so weak? So stupid? If I can just make myself see the horror of how far Ive fallen, maybe I can regain control. Next come the vows, my promises to myself to do things differently tomorrow. To fix this. Promises I never keep.

Im awake for about an hour. Sometimes I cry. Other times Im so disgusted that all I feel is anger. Lately Ive been sneaking into the kitchen and drinking more. Just enough to shut down my brain, fall back asleep, and stop hurting.

These early mornings are the only time Im honest with myself, admitting I drink too much and need to change. Its the worst part of my day, and its always the same, night after night. The next day its as if I have amnesia. I turn back into a generally happy person. I cant reconcile my misery, so I simply ignore it. If you ask me about drinking Ill tell you I love it; it relaxes me and makes life fun. In fact, Ill be shocked if you dont drink with me. I will wonder, Why on earth not? During the day I feel in control. I am successful and busy. The outward signs of how much I drink are practically nonexistent. I am so busy that I dont leave room for honesty, questioning, and broken promises. The evening comes, the drinking starts, and the cycle continues. I am no longer in control, and the only time I am brave enough to admit it (even to myself) is alone, in the dark, at three in the morning.

The implications of what it could mean are terrifying. What if I have a problem? What if I am an alcoholic? What if I am not normal? Most terrifying, what if I have to give up drinking? I worry that my pride will kill me because I have no intention of labeling myself. I am afraid of the shame and stigma. If my choice is to live a life of misery in diseased abstinence or drink myself to an early grave, I choose the latter. Horrifying but true.

What I know about getting help, I know from my brother who spent time in prison. Prison in the U.S. often involves Alcoholics Anonymous (A.A.) meetings. He says you start every meeting admitting that you are an alcoholic, powerless against alcohol. He says they believe alcoholism is a fatal illness without a cure. And I personally know self-proclaimed alcoholics who, rather than finding peace, fight a daily battle for sobriety. It seems miserable in our culture to be sober. To live a life avoiding temptation. Recovering appears synonymous with accepting life as just OK and adjusting to a new reality of missing out.

The idea of recovering seems to give alcohol more power even, and, maybe especially, when I am abstaining from it. I want freedom. Its now clear that alcohol is taking more from me than its giving. I want to make it small and irrelevant in my life rather than allowing it more power over me. I want change. I have to find another way. And I have.