JC Amberchele - PIGEONHOLED: Recognizing Your True Identity

Regarding a questionnaire requesting various personal answers such as sexual orientation, race, religion, etc., a friend wrote to me in a recent email: I toyed with trans-species for orientation; 50 yard for race, and red brick for church preference. But in the end decided to leave all blank. Not my true identity! You can all pigeonhole me, but here, only a Hole, and a Whole, not a pigeonhole.

She also sent me a photo of herself, a selfie, with her hand close to the camera and index finger pointing straight at me, unrelenting in its demand that I look back at myself and see exactly what is here, my side of that pointing finger. And what do I see? Nothing at all. A hole. Clear, empty, vacant. And wide awake to that fact.

With the exception of a precious few, its evident that the great majority of the worlds population has a different view of who they are, one based on what others make of them, along with such things as personal history, cultural and societal norms, etc. I, for instance, am a white, eighty-something ex-con on Social Security and food stamps renting a room in a trailer park with no apparent religious preference and a sexual identity that reads probably doesnt matter anymore.

But is that who I am? Is that my true identity? Am I simply one of 7 billion others on this nondescript planet in this remote galaxy in some impossible corner of an infinite universe, of absolutely no consequence whatsoever? A fleeting nanoscopic grain of probability? Is that all Ive got?

Absolutely not, I say. And seeing this for myself, I also say that what others make of you is not your identity either, no matter how convincing and persuasive those others have been all your life.

And this is the subject of this book, punctuated by a few simple experiments that continue to remind me and prove to me who I really am: free, nameless, timeless, unborn and undying.

Just as we all are.

No one can escape being Who They Really Are,

No matter how hard they try to be

Who they have never been.

If Ive ever had a problem, no matter what it wasmajor or minorat the crux of it was my ego, which I define as the belief that I am a separate individual existing in a world of separate things. Indeed, its a good bet that the ego is the foundation of every problem that ever existed in human history, from primitive tribal wars to todays road rage. And of course, the fear of losing ones ego is said to be the obstacle to obtaining enlightenment, preventing one from making the so-called leap from the hundred-foot pole and opening oneself to infinity.

So, what to do? It all sounds like a task I least want to tackle, especially now in my advancing decrepitude (and after a strenuous bike ride the day before) when even getting up in the morning can be a chorewho wants to deal with ones ego, an ego that most of the time hides behind excuses and justifications and all manner of psychic smokescreens? Its not like an obedient dog you can treat for fleas!

Frankly, I gave up trying. Especially since giving up my ego involved my ego! The more I tried, the stronger it seemed to get! At one point I figured that if I actually did give up my ego, Id be the wisest guy on the nonduality block! Hell, I could go to India or maybe California and sit on a cushion surrounded by Dakinis fanning my voidness while admirers threw flowers and money!

Talk about a big ego!

And then one of those deep voices from on high, right out of an old Hollywood film, said to me, You want to drop your ego? Lots of luck!

So, I kept it. And with the help of a short passage from one of Douglas Hardings books, what I discovered was, not only can it not be dropped, theres no need to! All that was necessary was to place it where it belonged, out there with the physical and mental stuff of this world. Here, I saw only unfettered Clarity, or as Pema Chodron once so aptly called it, Basic Space of Awareness. And what a difference! There was my ego on full display, operating as usual but no longer occupying the central spot, no longer calling the shots it thought it was calling and taking credit (or shame) for the results. Operating as usual, but more often than not with a smile and a sense of gratitude, and certainly as a mellower version of its former self.

But what about all that stuff going on? All those wonderful scenes, as well as all the nasty stuff, still showing up? What about the decisions I was certain Id made, and all the ones Id yet to make? Is there such a thing as karma, and how about the Wheel of Samsara , or is that just another scary Buddhist thangka to keep us in line? If the egos out there as part of the scene, then whos calling the shots?

Oh, wait a minuteI am! And not me, not J.C. No, hes just another of the things showing up, his ego seemingly glued to that ageing and ever-present body of flesh that persists in hanging around.

But why is Who I Really Amthis Basic Space of Awarenessin charge?

And the answer is: Because there is no one and no thing other than Who I Really Am!

After all, the entire scene is internal, all inside this Basic Space of Awareness that I am. In fact, it is this Basic Space of Awareness, manifesting as the scene! Its all here, right here where its experienced, and thus, it is What I Am. This is my true body, and it consists of anything and everything that appears at every now-moment. Call it The Universe, call it What Is, call it God or Self.

And this is the final freedomI see, actually see, and thus know, that there is no personal volition, that J.C. is a puppet who never pulled a single string, much less his own, that all of his so-called life was only a role played in a drama no one would repeat. The real producer and director was, and is, the Self, What I Really Am, manifesting and therefore willing, exactly What Is, just as it is. And all that remains is to consciously align J.C.s will with What Is, right now, exactly as it is.