A.R. Bernard - Four Things Women Want from a Man

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A s the longtime pastor of a big-city church, Ive had a front-row seat, a privileged place from which to observe the intimate details and the inner lives of New Yorkers from every walk of life. Along the way, Ive witnessed almost every situationand shared every emotionin the dictionary: indescribable joys, unspeakable tragedies, and just about everything in between.

As men and women have come to me for spiritual counseling and practical advice over the years, Ive identified familiar patterns of behavior that are repeated time and again. Although each persons situation is unique, the behaviorsand the consequences that result from themare remarkably consistent. Now after almost four decades of preaching, teaching, and counseling, Ive condensed my observations into this book, which offers a simple system for understanding the ways that couples relate to each other inside marriageand outside it.

Why write this book now? Several reasons. The first reason has to do with men.

Being a responsible male in modern America is a full-time job, and a tough one at that. Never before in the history of humankind have distractions been so plentiful and temptations so prevalent. Even well intentioned men can become caught up in seemingly harmless behaviors that can quickly turn destructive. So Ive written this book to provide an organized system of thought for men concerning women. By the time you are done with this book (or this book is done with you), a new vision of manhood will have emerged. You will understand and appreciate a womans role in your life and how to bring out the best in every female relationship you might have. It will empower you to be a better husband for your wife, a better father for your daughter, a better brother for your sister, and so on. When a woman feels understood, it is easier for her to feel loved. When she feels loved, she is more inclined to give of herself in the relationship.

The second reason I wrote this book is that women need a better understanding of the qualities to look for in a man. Society tells us that fame, power, appearance, and money are all-important, so women today naturally seek these traits in a man. But looks can be deceiving, and, as the old saying goes, All that glitters is not gold. On far too many occasions, Ive seen women who thought their relationships were golden, only to find out later that theyd fallen for fools gold instead of the real thing. Ladies, this book will change how you look at yourself and how you choose the man to whom you are willing to commit your life. It can save you the heartache of choosing the wrong man for the wrong reasons. You will be empowered to know what you want, want what you know, and not settle for less. You will engage in less experimentation with men and greater decisiveness in choosing the right man. By investing time thinking now about the qualities you want in a man, you can avoid relationship disasters that can wound your heart and spirit. And those of you already married can improve your relationship now by developing the traits outlined in this book.

A third reason I wrote this book has to do with the institution of marriage. In case you havent noticed, marriage is under attack from all sides. Its my hope that this text can help couples navigate the stormy seas of modern matrimony by charting a course thats ultimately pleasing to the Ultimate Pilot.

Let me assure you this book is money and time well spent. Imagine if you had this information before that failed relationship. Well, its time to get smart about relationships, BEFORE you get going. You have in these pages the four essential things women want/need in a healthy relationship with a man.

Enjoy!

T his book is intended as a guide for both men and women. In certain passages, Ive taken the liberty of speaking directly to men (in order to inform, encourage, motivate, and provide direction). In other passages, I address women (to help them better understand the men they love). Consequently, as you read through this book you will sometimes encounter directives that are obviously intended for the opposite sex. Please dont scan or skip these passages. Instead, read them carefully because they will, I trust, provide helpful insights.

In building better relationships, its always worthwhile to see things from the other persons point of view. By looking at things through your partners eyes, you can gain empathy forand a greater understanding ofthe wants and needs of your mate. The more you understand about your loved oneand the more clearly you can see things from his or her point of viewthe better your relationship will be.

So as you read the pages that follow, look carefully at the messages that are obviously intended for the opposite gender. These passages may contain nuggets of gold that you can use today, tomorrow, and for many years to come.

I n preparation for this book, I spoke with and received written responses from a number of women from various backgrounds. I am, of course, extremely grateful to all those who offered their assistance, their advice, and their insights.

Below are brief biographical notes about each contributor. To preserve confidentiality, I have chosen to use only their first names and last initials.

Allison C.: Italian, age thirty-one, married three years.

Angie B.: Teacher, married eighteen years.

Gail M.: Author, international speaker, married eighteen years, currently living in South Africa.

Jackie P.: Successful CEO, mother.

Kerry B.: Owns a successful business and is a homemaker, age fifty-four, married twenty-seven years.

Ruthie S.: Scandinavian, lives in the Midwest, business owner and CFO, mother, wife.

Sally P.: Chinese, age fifty-two, married twenty-five years.

Vivian C.: The CEO of an international company, age fifty.