Brian Welch - Stronger

Forty Days of Metal and Spirituality

BRIAN HEAD WELCH

WITH ILLUSTRATIONS BY JOSHUA CLAY

This book is dedicated to everyone who reads it. Life is a war, man, but every battle we face can be used as a tool to make us stronger.

I N JANUARY 2005 I found God, and Ive never been the same since. For years before that life-changing decision, I had been the lead guitarist for the band Korn, traveling the world and making millions of dollars, all while being hopelessly addicted to crystal meth. I had a daughter I was responsible for, and I was failing her. I had a life I was throwing away, and I woke up each day wishing that some force would simply take me out of my misery. Thankfully that didnt happen. Instead of that force taking me out of my misery, I got a new reason to live.

That was five years ago, and looking back on it now, Im amazed at the distance that Ive traveled. When I think back to the man I used to be, Im completely tripped out about how beaten up and defeated I was. On the outside, I was living like a king, with all the power in my hands to do whatever I wanted, as well as order others to do what I wanted them to do for me. But on the inside I was a scared, weak little boy who was screaming and wailing as hard and loud as I could for help. But no one could hear me because I was afraid to let my cries be heard on the outside, to let the truth be told, to show my weakness. Simply put, I was scared to admit that I was a failure when, on the outside, I looked like such a success. I couldnt tell the truth that I, a person with so much power and success, needed help.

The exterior of a person reveals only so much. When you look at someone, what you see on the surface is not the true image of that person. The real story lies beneath the skin. Thats where the persons true life is livedin that secret inner sanctum where every human being resides. That space, invisible to everyone else, is where true strength and character begin if we let them, but so many of us spend our time behind our masks and never develop that inner strength.

Before I found God, that was how I lived, until I became so disgusted with hiding that I decided to tell the truth to everyone about the person Id become.

I decided to let my cries for help be heard.

After I finally made that incredibly important decision, I came to realize the most valuable lesson that a person can learn on earth: my failure in life and my willingness to surrender were the keys that opened the door to a whole new existence. As I faced my weakness and failure head on, I suddenly saw that I was in the perfect place to receive the strength that I didnt havea strength that could come only from divine love. So I decided to make God the love of my life from that day on. That love picked me up, cleansed me, healed me, and cared for me. We all have the desire to be passionately treasured and loved. We get that desire from God, because all that God desires from us is to be passionately treasured and loved.

When that door to Gods love had been opened, I became hungry to explore his love as much as possible. Im no brainiac, but I figured that one of the best ways to learn how to love God was through the Bible. I was right: from that book, I learned a lot about what God loves and what He dislikes. Perhaps even more amazing was that, as I read through the Bible, I felt like I wasnt reading it alone. I felt like Gods Spirit was right there reading it with me, teaching me things about divine love. That feeling of companionship is still there now, every time I pick up the book, and Im sure it feels like that because its actually true.

Today Im stronger than Ive ever been in my life, capable of facing any challenge that comes at me, and my experiences with the Bible have a lot to do with that. But its been a long, hard road to get here. Even now I still have my bad daystimes when I struggle with anger and sadness. But deep inside of me theres a stillness that never goes away. Its a calm that always lives in me, no matter what else is going ona calm that only I can seeand there isnt a storm that will ever disturb that ocean of peace.

The Bible injects life into that calm, fueling it at all times. I decided to put this book together because I wanted to share some of the things Ive learned from the Bible about divine love. I chose forty of my favorite scripture passages, one for each day of this book, because it seemed like a good number. I quote the passage and then offer some thoughts on how that particular scripture has touched my life. My thought is that you will read the book a day at a time, giving you time to meditate on each scripture passage and digest my take on it.

Now, Ive said it before and Ill say it again. I know how it feels for people who dont really believe in God to hear someone else talk about Him. You kind of roll your eyes and think to yourself, Okay, here comes the crazy talk. But if thats you, just keep on reading, because those feelings will start to go away. I talk about a lot of other things in this book, too. Trust me: you can handle it.

Sharing scripture was a big part of why I wanted to write the book, but theres another reason. My journey with faith has been just thata journey. Ive had highs and lows, and Ive experienced other crazy things that I want to share. Because through it all, Ive had God at my side. Ill be the first one to admit that Im a pretty odd nut job sometimes, so this will not be your typical devotional book. Im proud to be unique, and I encourage others to do the same. Who wants to be like everyone else?

Not me.

If youre reading this book only to hear more insane stories about my rock star life, thats cool with me. But my main prayer is that you experience divine love as you read this, because you are not reading it alone. Just as Gods Spirit is with me when I read the Bible, He is right there reading this book with you. It may sound crazy to some of you, but its true. So sit back, relax, and lets go on a forty-day journey together.

Head

Matthew 16:26

And what do you benefit if you gain the whole world but lose your own soul? Is anything worth more than your soul?

I N THE YEAR 2000, back when I was still with Korn, I was given some news that completely rocked my world. My manager called and told me that Korn was going on tour with Metallica, Kid Rock, and System of a Down. That was a dream-come-true tour for me. Everyone in the metal community respected Metallica as pioneers in inventing dark, melodic metal. They had influenced so many great bands over the years. I never got into Kid Rock, but I thought he had some cool songs and Id heard nothing but great things about him. His reputation was that he loved to party (as much as ten rock stars, it was said) and had no Im better than you attitude at all. System of a Down was pretty new to the scene back then, but they had a great buzz and everyone was into their style.

During that tour, everybody got along great. There was a lot of partying on that tour, which helped me forget all the drama going on at homerelationship troubles. Metallica had their own private jet, so they were able to fly from concert to concert. They would play until around midnight every night, shower up, and then take off for the airport. One night, I was hanging out with Kid Rock and he mentioned that hed soon be going on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno. I came up with the bright idea to put a little wager on something. I told him that if he made a big cocaine reference right into the camera for me when he played his song, Id give him a thousand bucks next time I saw him. It was a bet. If he didnt do it, he was gonna pay me a grandand I really thought he wasnt gonna do it. With all the lights and cameras hed be facing at