Scarlett Curtis - Its Not OK to Feel Blue (and other lies)

Please activate
ORIGINAL PUBLISHER FONTS
in font options, to experience this ebook as originally intended.
When activated you should see the Penguin logo below:

?

PENGUIN BOOKS

UK | USA | Canada | Ireland | Australia
India | New Zealand | South Africa

Penguin Books is part of the Penguin Random House group of companies whose addresses can be found at global.penguinrandomhouse.com.

www.penguin.co.uk
www.puffin.co.uk
www.ladybird.co.uk

First published 2019

This selection copyright Scarlett Curtis, 2019
Text copyright Adam Kay, Alastair Campbell, Alexis Caught, Ben Platt, Bryony Gordon, Candice Carty-Williams, Charlie Mackesy, Charly Cox, Chidera Eggerue, Claire Stancliffe, Davina McCall, Dawn OPorter, Elizabeth Day, Elizabeth Uviebinen, Ella Purnell, Emilia Clarke, Emma Thompson, Eve Delaney, Fearne Cotton, Gabby Edlin, Gemma Styles, GIRLI (Milly Toomey), Grace Beverley, Hannah Witton, Honey Ross, Hussain Manawer, Jack Rooke, James Blake, Jamie Flook, Jamie Windust, Jo Irwin, Jonah Freud, Jonny Benjamin, Jordan Stephens, Kai-Isaiah Jamal, Kate Weinberg, Kelechi Okafor, Khalil Aldabbas, KUCHENGA, Lauren Mahon, Lena Dunham, Maggie Mati, Martha Lane Fox, Mathew Kollamkulam, Matt Haig, Megan Crabbe, Michael Kitching, Michelle Elman, Miranda Hart, Mitch Price, Mona Chalabi, Montana Brown, Nadia Craddock, Naomi Campbell, Poorna Bell, Poppy Jamie, Reggie Yates, Ripley Parker, Robert Kazandjian, Rosa Mercuriadis, Saba Asif, Sam Smith, Scarlett Curtis, Scarlett Moffatt, Scottee, Sharon Chalkin Feldstein, Shonagh Marie, Simon Amstell, Steve Ali, Professor Tanya Byron, Travon Free, Yomi Adegoke, Yusuf Al Majarhi, 2019

Illustration copyright Gracie Warwick @got.legs, 2019 ()

The publishers are grateful to Iain Thomas for permission to reproduce his poem The Need to Do Nothing on . Reproduced with permission

The moral right of the contributors has been asserted

Text design by Mandy Norman
Cover based on an original design by Cat Lobo

ISBN: 978-0-241-41096-7

All correspondence to:
Penguin Books, Penguin Random House Childrens
80 Strand, London WC2R 0RL

This ebook is copyright material and must not be copied, reproduced, transferred, distributed, leased, licensed or publicly performed or used in any way except as specifically permitted in writing by the publishers, as allowed under the terms and conditions under which it was purchased or as strictly permitted by applicable copyright law. Any unauthorized distribution or use of this text may be a direct infringement of the authors and publishers rights and those responsible may be liable in law accordingly.

This book is intense.

Words and images can be powerful. The entire reason weve created this book is because we believe that words have the power to comfort, provoke, and create feeling. Words and images can be used for good, but they can also, through no fault of the writer or creator, cause extreme pain. One of the most intense panic attacks of my life happened while I was watching a play of George Orwells 1984. It was a beautiful, powerful production but the experience of seeing someone being tortured and gaslighted on stage for thirty minutes was a little too much for my brain to handle at the time. I should have known better (I mean, it was 1984 FFS) but I didnt quite think it through and since then Ive tried to be a little more careful with the content I consume.

People like to argue that trigger warnings are a new phenomenon, a symptom of an overly emotional generation who need comfort blankets and handholding. In fact, the concept of trigger warnings began in the sixties when PTSD, then known as shell shock, emerged as a medical condition to diagnose soldiers suffering with symptoms of trauma after the Vietnam War. Around the same time, feminist activists began to develop a language around trigger warnings and safe spaces to help women who had been sexually abused avoid re-experiencing symptoms such as flashbacks and intrusive thoughts.

Today, trigger warnings are used to protect vulnerable people from content that might re-traumatize them. There arent that many things I get very angry about in this world (I tend to be quite a passive person) but the criticism of trigger warnings is something that makes me see red, blow smoke out of my ears and transform into a feminist hulk. If you think a trigger warning is an inconvenience, that it in some way disrupts the purity of art, Id like you to think, for just a minute, about how much more of an inconvenience it is to have to worry that youre going to be plunged back into the worst moment of your life every time you read a book, watch the news or go to the cinema. To be triggered is not to be whiny or precious; it is to be shot in the gut with a memory too painful for your body to withstand. To be triggered is to be flung back in time without any tools available to pull yourself back out.

Some days, engaging with a piece of art that reminds you of your trauma can be a beautiful thing; it can make you feel less alone, and there is a specific kind of beauty that only comes from seeing your experiences reflected back at you. But other days it can be too much to handle; you might be tired, a bit upset, or simply not in the mood. On days like that its OK to close the book, switch off the TV, leave the cinema.

If youve ever found yourself getting frustrated at a trigger warning, if youve ever said to yourself, God, people are just too sensitive these days, if youve ever rolled your eyes at PC language or tutted at someones careful use of pronouns, Id like to say one thing: please shut up for a minute. Trigger warnings are not a symptom of an oversensitive society.

THEY ARE A
MUCH-NEEDED SIGN
THAT OUR CULTURE IS
FINALLY CATCHING UP TO
THE REAL AND URGENT
NEEDS OF THOSE
WHO SUFFER FROM
TRAUMA OR PTSD.

So, this book is intense. Some bits are funny, some bits are joyful, some bits are sad, some bits are heartbreaking; all the pieces are about mental health in some way. Weve tried to use the pages of this book to highlight the good and the bad of being a human, but there are pieces in here that might be hard to read. We hope this trigger warning helps you navigate this book.

ABOVE ALL,
TAKE YOUR TIME ,
REMEMBER TO BREATHE .

AND I HOPE,
MORE THAN ANYTHING,
THAT YOU GET SOMETHING
YOU NEED FROM THESE
EXTRAORDINARY STORIES .

I was first told that I was crazy when I was seventeen years old. Its not the best or most PC word, but its the word that I adopted because at the time it was all I knew: I was crazy and I was broken.

My experience with mental health has ticked a lot of crazy person boxes. I spent two years of my life barely able to leave my bedroom without having a panic attack. I spent a year in and out of rehab. Ive tried every drug, seen every therapist, had multiple panic attacks in toilet cubicles on trains, had someone open the door of said toilet cubicle (how on earth do you lock those circular doors?), and cried more tears than I ever thought was humanly possible (its why I drink so much water: to make up for it).