Tiffany Yecke Brooks - Gaslighted by God

This is a difficult book to read, thus I can only imagine how difficult it was to write. The wounds still seep. The aches still sear. The cries still rattle. Such is the experience of many who sit upon the ash heap of disillusioned faith. Faith in God has been found wanting in the light of abusive infidelity enacted upon the vulnerable by religious leaders and a global pandemic that has been politicized by those desperately clinging to power. It is so easy to walk away from faith, from community, from God. Many have. Many more will. Yet this book is not about deconstruction, for that is only part of the process of crafting a faith that will surviveno, thrivein times when hope is merely a flickering ember. This is about the hard process of reconstructing faith, of punching through the dark and screaming with all ones might into the etherpraying, begging, for God to hear and come near. If this is you, I humbly invite you to read these words. My friend Tiffany has been where you are and has come through to the other side. In her, you will find a compassionate friend, a gentle guide, a kindred spirit.

Rob OLynn

associate professor of preaching and ministry, director of Graduate Bible programs, and dean of the School of Distance and General Education at Kentucky Christian University

Tiffany Yecke Brooks puts a new spin on an old problemthat problem being the seeming lack of compassion by Christians who the public assumes should be more compassionate than most. Those who are less familiar with Gods Word sometimes construe Christian attitudes as if they belong to God. This projection causes anxiety about who God is and whether or not they can trust their own relationship with God. The topics brought up will make some uncomfortable, but, in the end, God comes out a winner. Brookss comments are thought-provoking and hopefully conversation-provoking as well. A good read.

Cheryl Durham

dean of students at Masters International University of Divinity

Wm. B. Eerdmans Publishing Co.

4035 Park East Court SE, Grand Rapids, Michigan 49546

www.eerdmans.com

2022 Tiffany Yecke Brooks

All rights reserved

Published 2022

Printed in the United States of America

28 27 26 25 24 23 221 2 3 4 5 6 7

ISBN 978-0-8028-7868-7

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Names: Brooks, Tiffany Yecke, author.

Title: Gaslighted by God : reconstructing a disillusioned faith / Tiffany Yecke Brooks.

Description: Grand Rapids, Michigan : William B. Eerdmans Publishing Company, 2022. | Includes bibliographical references and index. | Summary: A book for those who have experienced the spiritual trauma of fundamentalist Christianity, in which the author shows how a more authentic faith can be raised from the ashes of disillusionmentProvided by publisher.

Identifiers: LCCN 2021043901 | ISBN 9780802878687

Subjects: LCSH: Fundamentalism. | God (Christianity) | ChristianityEssence, genius, nature. | BISAC: RELIGION / Christian Living / Spiritual Growth | PSYCHOLOGY / Psychopathology / Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)

Classification: LCC BT82.2 .B75 2022 | DDC 270.8/2dc23

LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2021043901

O n November 29, 1961, Mercury-Atlas 5 was launched from Cape Canaveral, Florida. Manned only by Enos the chimp, it was the first time the United States had successfully managed to launch a primate into orbital flight.

Enoss mission was simple: complete a series of tests for which he had trained more than 1,250 hours to prepare him for weightlessness and understanding basic on-screen commands. One of these tests was an avoidance conditioning exercise in which Enos pulled the correct lever to indicate which shape in a series of three was different. If he got the answer correct, he moved on to the next sequence of three; if he was incorrect, he received an electric shock to his feet. Enos underwent intensive training in this exercise to prepare for his mission.

The point of the experiment was to evaluate the effects of space flight on mental cognition, and Enos did his job admirably. All seemed promising for his mission to continue exactly as hoped, demonstrating that primates could in fact continue to operate at full intellectual capacity even in zero gravity.

But then, during orbit, something went horribly wrong. The equipment malfunctioned, and no matter what lever he pulled, Enos continued to receive shocks to his feetthirty-three in a row. When that battery of tests was completed, he executed his other tasks perfectly fine until the avoidance conditioning test came up again. This time, with the glitch still in place, Enos received forty-one consecutive shocks.

To the amazement of the scientists and handlers on the ground, Enos doggedly continued his futile attempts to complete the task exactly as he had been trained by pulling the lever for the out-of-place graphic. Certainly, following a malfunction of this nature, it might be expected that behavior would be disrupted, the official NASA report read afterward, but this was not in evidence.

Enoss mission was supposed to be three complete orbits of Earth, but due to the equipment problems and an overheating issue in the capsule, he was brought back after completing only two. Then came the coup de grce: Enoss craft landed in the Atlantic Ocean, south of Bermuda and miles off-target. The chimp was stranded, strapped inside the hot, cramped pod, bobbing helplessly in the ocean for almost three and a half hours until the USS Stormes was able to locate and retrieve him. It was this final insult that finally broke Enos. The obedient, tenacious chimp, who had dutifully completed his tasks despite receiving more than seventy electric shocks, snapped. When the capsule was opened at last by the rescue crew, the NASA report notes that The subject had broken through the protective belly panel and had removed or damaged most of the physiological sensors. He had also forcibly removed the urinary catheter while the balloon was still inflated.

How many of us have ever felt like Enos? We do everything we have been trained to do, and even when the system fails, we continue to carry out our work dutifully because that is who we are. We know the rules and we know what is expected of us. We understand that even though its not always going to be easy, there will be delivery from our trials.

But then something goes haywire; the shocks dont stop, and our rescue doesnt seem to come. When we are finally face-to-face with the One in charge, we absolutely lose all composure and rage against the inherent unfairness of the setup. We did our job, but something was broken, and we ended up getting punishedover and over and over againbecause the people in power made a mistake that harmed us. This was not the deal we were promised.

Enoss story is heartbreaking for many reasons, but perhaps mostly because of his response to the circumstances beyond his control. His destruction of the capsule and his injury to himself are deeply understandable; after all, he had played his part, faithfully doing exactly what he had been trained was the right thing to doeven when it cost him dearly. But he reached a breaking point, and he reverted from a meticulously trained human stand-in back to a wild animal. And who could blame him? He had persevered, despite the constant punishment he received for doing the right thing. But at some point, his will and his resolve were pushed past their limits by circumstances beyond his control or comprehension.