Halley Bondy - How to Be a Difficult Bitch: Claim Your Power, Ditch the Haters, and Feel Good Doing It

To Robin and Sofia Halley

For Niall and Serena Zara

To my mom, who has never allowed me to stop believing. Mary

To my sister, my forever hypewoman. And to all the weird Black girls: you got this. Sharon

To my mum, who wanted to be an artist and was told to be a secretary; thank you for encouraging me when the world discouraged you. T.L.L.

Text copyright 2022 by Halley Bondy

Illustrations copyright 2022 by Lerner Publishing Group, Inc.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any meanselectronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwisewithout the prior written permission of Lerner Publishing Group, Inc., except for the inclusion of brief quotations in an acknowledged review .

Zest Books

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Minneapolis, MN 55401 USA

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Cover and interior illustrations by T.L. Luke

Design elements: Cristina Romero Palma/Shutterstock.com; designofunique/Shutterstock.com; Natykach Nataliia/Shutterstock.com; Philll/Shutterstock.com.

Designed by Kim Morales

Main body text set in Univers LT Std.

Typeface provided by Adobe Systems.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Names: Bondy, Halley, 1984 author.

Title: How to be a difficult bitc h : claim your power, ditch the haters, and feel good doing it / Halley Bondy.

Description: Minneapoli s : Zest Books, [2021 ] | Summary: Being a powerhouse is a choice, a lifestyle, a code of ethics. It takes work, a thick skin, and perseverance. Learn the basics of being a Difficult Bitch, from school to friends to body to life Provided by publisher.

Identifiers: LCCN 2020013448 (print ) | LCCN 2020013449 (ebook ) | ISBN 781541586741 (library binding ) | ISBN 781541586758 (paperback ) | ISBN 781728419138 (ebook)

Subjects: LCSH: Young womenPsychologyJuvenile literature . | YouthPsychologyJuvenile literature . | Self-confidenceJuvenile literature . | Self-esteemJuvenile literature . | Conduct of lifeJuvenile literature.

Classification: LCC HQ1229 .B56 2021 (print ) | LCC HQ1229 (ebook ) | DDC 305.242/2dc23

LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2020013448

LC ebook record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2020013449

Manufactured in the United States of America

1-47427-48006-10/15/2021

Living well is the best revenge.

George Herbert, 1640

So you want to be a Difficult Bitch.

Welcome!

Youll be joining a long line of Difficult Bitchesmaybe even from your own family.

(Dont worry, its a compliment.)

Maybe your grandma was an amazing chess player. Maybe your aunt ran for city council against a bunch of old dudes. Maybe your mom or stepmom raised you to follow your dreams. Maybe your dad was the only one to stand up for LGBTQ rights in a very conservative area.

None of them would have gotten there without being a Difficult Bitch, or without being mentored by Difficult Bitches.

In some form or another, pioneering aviator Amelia Earhart was called a Difficult Bitch. Same for Grace Hopper, who invented the first computer programming language compiler. Lets not even get started on suffragists or civil rights activists, who were called all kinds of things, among them most certainly: Difficult Bitch.

If you ask me, being a Difficult Bitch is a good thing.

Difficult Bitches are agents of change. Theyre heroes who dont wear capes (or maybe they do, and that cape is fierce ). They annoy people. They threaten the status quo. All of this is, of course, in the name of self-love, confidence, and the greater good.

You cant be a Difficult Bitch all the timenot without running yourself ragged. Sometimes you need a break. Sometimes being a Difficult Bitch is unsafe, or its not considered okay in your culture.

But somewhere, theres a Difficult Bitch inside of you. You can choose when to unleash this inner selfbut rest assured, the world needs her, him, or them.

Lets first address an elephant in the room here. Bitch is a word that has been used with many different intentions. Lets go through them.

Bitch has been used to

1. Put down women . For example, saying, That girl is a bitch in a mean way, when referring to a strong woman who is speaking her mind.
2. Insult a mans masculinity. For example, saying, You are such a little bitch! in a bullying, derogatory way in order to make a man feel like less of a man.
3. Playfully talk to your friends. This one is all about tone and the level of friendship. You might say, Youre such a bitch! to a friend, and if theyre in on the joke, its totally fineeveryone is laughing. But you could say the same thing to a friend and hurt their feelings. Tread lightly, and make sure that youre close with someone before you try this.
4. #BossBitch, #HeadBitchInCharge, etc. These terms and hashtags have been used to talk about people who take control. Theyre the ones who run companies and own their lives.

I think that were all over A and B, right? Like, lets move on, people. Done. Delete.

C is fine as long as everyones having fun. Whatever.

In this book, well be using the phrase in a way thats closest to D, but were going to take it a step further.

Get ready, because from here on out, Bitch means powerhouse.

Being a powerhouse is a choice. Its a lifestyle. Its a code of ethics. It takes work, a thick skin, and perseverance. So swig that smoothie, chant, sing, jumpdo whatever it takes to get yourself pumped. In this book, youll learn the ins and outs of being a Difficult Bitch, from school to friends to body to life.

First, some quick ground rules:

• Well be using she/her pronouns a lot throughout this book, but sometimes well use he/him or they/them, because people of any gender identity can be a Difficult Bitch and take the advice in this book. Powerhouses can be any gender or no gender. This book is for all your siblings and friends.
• Being a Difficult Bitch is not about being a dick or being disruptive just for the sake of getting under other peoples skin. Thats for a book called How to Be F***ing Awful . There are many people in the world who think theyre Difficult Bitches but who are really just insecure and spouting nonsense.
• Its not about shirking responsibility and cruising through life like nothing matters. Thats not being a Difficult Bitch. Thats being lazy.

Look, nobody is perfect, and if you cant follow everything in this book to a T, dont stress. Nobody can check all the boxes all the time. Just read it, let it open you up a bit, allow it to simmer, and take what you need from it. Thats what a Difficult Bitch would do.

Full disclosure, readers: Im a cis white lady. Being a Difficult Bitch means different things to people with different backgrounds and identities from mine, so I cant write this book by myself. Some awesome, diverse women will be joining me. Being a Difficult Bitch is a community effort. Im so honored that these women are contributing their voices.

Lets get started.

Hi! My name is Sharon Pruitt-Young. Im here throughout this book for all the Black girls, boys, and nonbinary folks out there. In a world of hypervisiblity and respectability politics, you might not feel like you can be a Difficult Bitch in the same way as other folksso lets work through it together. If I can do it, so can you.