Halley Bondy - #MeToo and You: Everything You Need to Know about Consent, Boundaries, and More

Content warning: This book contains stories and definitions of sexual abuse. Each chapter that has such content, beginning with Chapter 2, includes an introductory content warning.

In 2017 a movement was born.

But first, lets go back for a moment. The phrase Me Too was coined in 2006 by an activist named Tarana Burke. Burke used the words Me Too to raise awareness about sexual harassment and abuse, particularly in the black community. Burke herself had been abused as a child, and she was finding, to her dismay, that a lot of people around her were saying, Me too.

However, the phrase and the movement didnt become a household name until 2017, when famous people got involved.

That part began with the powerful movie director Harvey Weinstein.

Weinstein, who produced hits including Pulp Fiction and Shakespeare in Love , had allegedly been committing all kinds of horrible crimes throughout his entire career. One after another, Hollywood actresses including Alyssa Milano, Salma Hayek, Gwyneth Paltrow, Lupita Nyongo, Madonna, and more came forward with terrible stories about Weinstein. Ashley Judd said he harmed her career by spreading lies about her because she didnt do what he wanted. After all the allegations came forward, Weinstein was charged for rape, harassment, and other crimes.

The dam had burst. Victims who had felt silenced for so long suddenly felt empowered to speak out about their abusers.

Actor Kevin Spacey, comedian Louis C.K., singer R. Kelly, and news anchor Matt Lauer were among those accused of harassment or far worse.

But the movement didnt end with famous people.

Women, men, cis, trans, and gender-fluid victims everywhere started to speak out about their stories of abuse. The hashtag #MeToo went viral. Survivors were open for the first time about terrible things that had happened to them at school, home, work, among friends, boyfriends, nannies, and more. The movement gave victims the power to speak out, be heard, and be believed.

Many of these abuses happened when these victims were your agemiddle to high schoolbut it took growing up into adulthood and feeling empowered by #MeToo to speak out. That shouldnt happen. Children should not live alone with that pain for so long. They shouldnt live with that pain at all. And yet, it did happen. And it still happens a lot.

We still have a long way to go. One in nine girls and one in fifty-eight boys will experience sexual assault by an adult before they turn eighteen. And 40 percent of victims experience abuse at the hands of an older or more powerful child.

Sexual abuse is far too common, and we shouldnt stand for it anymore.

While the internet has made it easier for predators and cyberbullies to do their worst, a majority of abuse still happens at the hands of a trusted family member, friend, teacher, boyfriend, girlfriend, pastor, or acquaintance.

I wish I didnt have to write this book. But I dofor my daughter and for kids everywhere. For the same reason, my husband, Tim, wanted to create the illustrations. Maybe one day, consent, abuse, harassment, retaliation, reporting abuse, counseling, emotional trauma, being an ally, avoiding coercive behaviors, fighting abuse, recognizing abuse, abusive grooming, and staying safe will all be a part of every schools curriculum. Hopefully, one day these things will become crimes of the past.

In the meantime, let this book be your essential guide to #MeToo.

The first chapter is all about the fundamentals of relationships, consent, power dynamics, boundaries, and more. It contains no sexual or violent content. Read chapter 1, and then put down the book and decide if youre ready for heavier stuff. If youre not, wait until you are ready, okay?

In the remaining chapters, youll learn the definitions of abuse. I gathered true stories of abuse from victims and changed all of their names. I also added some fictitious stories to make certain points. Youll know whether a story is true or not. Sometimes, abuse is about relationships and treating other people right, so youll find stories that have nothing to do with sexual encounters at all.

Youll find out how the events in these stories were handled and how they should be handled. Youll learn about seeking justice, seeking emotional help, and what happens when the system failswhich, unfortunately, happens sometimes. Youll learn how to recognize abusive behaviors, and how to avoid committing them yourself. Youll learn the answers to important questions, such as, How many people lie about being abused? (short answer: very few), and Is it abuse if... ? (fill in the blank).

Finally, you will learn how to be an ally to victims and how to fight abuse on a wider scale, from your school to other parts of the globe.

Chapters 2 through 6 contain sexual and violent language for the purpose of instruction. Please read with caution, and dont be afraid to talk to a trusted adult if something in the book is confusing to you.