Juanita Campbell Rasmus - Learning to Be: Finding Your Center After the Bottom Falls Out

Foreword by
Tina Knowles Lawson

InterVarsity Press
P.O. Box 1400, Downers Grove, IL 60515-1426
ivpress.com

2020 by Juanita Campbell Rasmus

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form without written permission from InterVarsity Press.

InterVarsity Press is the book-publishing division of InterVarsity Christian Fellowship/USA, a movement of students and faculty active on campus at hundreds of universities, colleges, and schools of nursing in the United States of America, and a member movement of the International Fellowship of Evangelical Students. For information about local and regional activities, visit intervarsity.org.

All Scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from The Holy Bible, New International Version, NIV. Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide. www.zondervan.com. The NIV and New International Version are trademarks registered in the United States Patent and Trademark Office by Biblica, Inc.

Cover design and imge composite: David Fassett
Interior design: Daniel van Loon
Images: abstract watercolor: Sergey Ryumin/Moment Collection/Getty Images
colorful watercolor: licccka/iStock/Getty Images Plus

ISBN 978-0-8308-4386-2 (digital)

ISBN 978-0-8308-4587-3 (print)

This digital document has been produced by Nord Compo.

To my family unnamed and named,
some through blood,
some through choice,
all in love.

Leonard

Florence

Elischa

Rudy

Mildred

Rudolph (posthumously)

Morgan

Ryan

Hamilton

Mary

Henry

Jaden

Baby Harris

I Love You.

And to you dear reader!

Thank you.

L uke 1:79 speaks of Gods mercy shining on us in times of great darkness, a light strong enough and bright enough to guide our feet toward peace.

Ive experienced this light in my faith walk and with powerful, resilient people like Juanita Campbell Rasmus, a woman I met in 1986 when I opened my first salon, and she became a faithful client. She set an example for the power of prayer and worship, and I later became one of the first members of St. Johns Church.

Over the years, Ive witnessed Juanita navigate the highs and lows of marriage, motherhood, ministry, and womanhood. Ive seen her journey from the self-professed good girl to a leader who wholeheartedly seeks God with a level of authenticity, transparency, and grace that is unmatched. And in this book, she inspires us to do the same.

In Learning to Be, Juanita invites us into one of the most intimate and revealing spaces of her life, which was her battle with depressionthe crash.

Juanita doesnt close the door or sugarcoat her episode. Instead, its an eye-opening and entertaining read that encourages us to navigate from our own version of the crash and discover what an authentic relationship with ourselves and God looks like as we shed the pretenses and walk in Gods infinite light.

We arent meant to dwell in the dark. But darkness can be an indicator helping us to ask the tough questions and take one faithful step at a time toward being all God created us to be. I cant imagine another person Id want to usher me through such an intimate and raw journey. Im thankful that a book like this exists. Whatever brings you to this book, I pray that it will bless you on your journey.

I t felt as though every nerve in my body was popping. Imagine large, strong hands slowly applying pressure to a family-sized package of uncooked spaghetti noodles. I was the spaghetti. Breaking down one piece at a time.

It was a morning like any other. On August 27, I got up and cooked breakfast for my husband, Rudy, and our daughters, Morgan and Ryan. The school year had just started, and the girls were excited. I called them to the table, and as they sat down, I rushed to the bathroom to put on my makeup before I took them to school.

Hey, Ill take the girls this morning, Rudy volunteered.

Great! I told him. Thatll give me a few more minutes to get ready so I can finish my makeup in the restroom instead of the rearview mirror. We laughed.

Rudy and the girls finished breakfast, and we all said goodbye with our usual hugs and I love yous. I finished putting on my makeup and then opened the bathroom door to leave. Without warning, a horrible wave of nausea swept over me like a bad flu. I felt so sick I could hardly walk or think straight. Id never felt anything like it before, but I knew I couldnt go anywhere that morning. I called the office of St. Johns Church and asked our secretary to reschedule my early appointments.

If I lay down for a couple of hours, Im sure Ill feel better and be in this afternoon, I told her.

Minutes later, however, I had an uneasy feeling that something was happening to me. I watched my hand pick up the phone as if I lacked control over it and hit the redial button. When my secretary answered, I mumbled almost incoherently, Im not feeling well, and I dont know when Ill be back. Im taking a leave of absence or medical leave or a sabbatical or something. And I hung up the phone. I struggled back to bed and lay there feeling like every nerve in me was short-circuiting.

Days passed with me in bed, overwhelmed by a sensation of falling, spiraling, and spinning into a pitch-black tunnel day after bleak day. I felt sheer panic as I tried reaching out to grab somethinganything!to stop my fall, but my hands found nothing to hold on to. The feeling was so intense, all I could do was hope that I would finally hit bottom.