Kevin Malarkey - A Beautiful Defeat: Find True Freedom and Purpose in Total Surrender to God

2014 by Kevin Malarkey

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The Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is on file with the Library of Congress.

ISBN: 978-1-4002-0639-1

ISBN: 978-1-4002-0640-7 (eBook)

14 15 16 17 18 RRD 6 5 4 3 2 1

To the DeLong Family: Danton, Melia, Aramis, Jubilee, Hosannah, and Nalani

Direct me in the path of your commands, for there I find delight.

PSALM 119:35

Contents

Ten What Surrender Looks Like

Introduction
This Is Going to Get Messy

ID RATHER HAVE A ROOT CANAL WITHOUT anesthetic than get real and reveal my struggles. Not the ones were happy to mention for prayer on Sunday morning, but the other onesthe ones that good Christians arent supposed to have, the ones that ensure you wont be invited to the Saturday barbecue or that make people keep it light and short when talking with you.

Theres a powerful force in me that wants to do anything but get real and reveal the part of me thats been diminished by sin. I feel it when I am alone and dont want others to know what Im thinking or feeling. I feel it when Im talking to friends and purposefully withhold a key piece of information because I know and fear they will think less of me.

Its a lesson you learn quickly from the average Christian gathering: everyone thinks youre more spiritual if there is no hint of struggle or failure in your lifeor if the struggles are of an acceptable nature. So we learn to just keep smiling and not go there.

But theres a deeper, more authentic voice calling to me than the one that says to hide, evade, or redirect the conversation to safe territory. What you are about to read starts in a different placethe truth about my life... and about yours. Im going to reveal some things about myself that may change the way you look at me... and not in a good way. In fact, humanly speaking, it probably makes more sense to just be quiet about all that. Who wants their failures, shortcomings, and, well, sin, to be paraded around? But Im willing to risk it. Though its messy, Im going to stake everything on the belief that our path to God is through and with our struggles, not by sidestepping or hiding them.

I would also like to speak against an unspoken belief that is found in both our culture and in the church: that struggle in life and in following Christ is always a sign of having done something wrong. I like to say it this way: he who has the least struggles is not the better person. In fact, in many places the Bible makes a case for quite the opposite. Jesus himself led a perfect life, but his ministry was filled with conflict and struggle. The goal should be obedience and surrender to God rather than a path that has no obstacles.

We say that we want to live for God. We want to give our lives over to him. And then we spend most of our time trying to put him out of business. Is it not considered a good day if you are able to buy into the illusion that you did not need him?

Im not coming into this discussion as someone who has this surrender thing down to a science or a simple, neat math equation. Im on a pilgrimage that involves a real life lived in the real world, full of real mistakes and a merciful God who doesnt give me a pass on sin but does give me grace to take the next step. I have, however, found some principles that have been helpful for me. At the end of each chapter, I will summarize the chapter into one of ten concepts that I have found help me to try to lead a surrendered life. I will also provide you with an action step and a sample prayer to aid you in your quest to surrender more and more of your life to God.

The first step comes from this introduction:

FIRST STEP TO A SURRENDERED LIFE: Know that the process of surrender is messy.

Action Step

Determine not to control your process of surrender. Commit to be open to whatever God and those close to you begin to show you. Do not try to align everything in the beginning of the process, but let things come together naturally for you further down the line.

Prayer

Father, help me not to chain myself to a vision of perfection. Teach me that I do not have to clean myself up to approach you. You know everything about me, so help me give all of it to you that you may make it clean. There is no reason for me to hold on to all that is tormenting me. Help me understand that struggle is a part of life that is not always an indicator of my disobedience. When I do act in ways that I should not, please forgive me. And when my hard times have nothing to do with my actions, please keep my mind and heart free to hear from you.

Has your life gotten confusing and your struggles intense? Maybe you view your life as one big disappointment and not what you first thought when you came to faith. Im hoping youll find me honestand in so doing, youll be able to be honest too. And you will be able to admit that youre not in control even though you still live and make choices as if you were calling the shots. We try so hard to win the battle for control that our efforts actually lead to increased frustration. This is the crux of something vital that prevents us from finding true peace and wholeness. Let me share a life with you that is better than much of what is found in the twenty-first-century church, a perspective that makes sense of the mess and is filled with richness and purpose for today... and hope for tomorrow.

Part I
A CALL FOR AUTHENTICITY

NOW, ABOUT THAT CONFESSIONTHE FACT IS, Im not a good person.

Please dont think, Oh, hes just saying that. Left to myself, Im capable of just about anything, and when I fail, believe me, its memorable. Im embarrassed to say it, but I was a drunk for two years in college. Oh, I maintained high grades and respectability most of the time, but the fact is, I was frequently drunk. Im often fearful that I wont ever be the man I want my sons to become or the type of guy I would want my daughter to marry. I often lack self-confidence, and I try way too hard to get people to like me. Sometimes I even wonder if I am capable of reflecting the God whom I say inhabits my heart.