Judith Orloff - Thriving as an Empath: 365 Days of Self-Care for Sensitive People

For Ann Buck

Nothing is more precious than being in the present moment. Fully alive, fully aware.

Thch Nhat Hanh

CONTENTS

INTRODUCTION

Reclaiming Your Time: The Art of Self-Care for Sensitive People

S elf-care is essential for all empathic people. When you mindfully and lovingly practice it each day, your sensitivities will flourish.

The self-care practices, perspectives, and meditations I present as daily offerings in this book will support you in being a compassionate, empowered empath without shouldering the suffering of others or trying to fix them. All people deserve the dignity of their own paths. Day by day, Ill offer gentle reminders about how you can be loving without becoming codependent or a martyr.

As a psychiatrist and empath, I am fierce about my own self-care practices and teach these principles to my patients. I feel so strongly about them because I want to keep enjoying the extraordinary gifts of sensitivity including an open heart, intuition, and an intimate connection with spirituality and the natural world. Shallow emotional waters dont appeal to me. I love going deep and my sensitivities take me there.

Still, a big challenge for all sensitive people is how to be compassionate without absorbing the stress of others and the world. We dont have the same filters as most people. We are emotional sponges who feel everything and instinctively take it in. This differs from ordinary empathy, where your heart goes out to others in pain or happiness, but you dont take on their feelings.

We empaths are helpers, lovers, and caretakers who often give too much at the expense of our own well-being. Research suggests that our mirror neuron system (a part of the brain responsible for compassion) is hyperactive, which can burn us out. This is not how I choose to live. I want to be loving, but overhelping or absorbing someones distress just puts me on sensory overload, which is painful to my sensitive body and soul. It also doesnt serve the other person in any lasting way.

To stay healthy and happy, you must be prepared with effective self-care practices so that youre ready to deal with stress. Throughout the book, youll learn to keep yourself balanced and whole by trusting your intuition, setting boundaries, and protecting your energy.

The secret to an empaths well-being is to break the momentum of sensory overload before it consumes you. The strategies and attitudes that Ill share, which have been lifesaving for me, will quickly bring you back to center when you are overwhelmed or emotionally triggered.

THE SACREDNESS OF TIME

Time is precious. How you spend your days profoundly effects your energy level and well-being. Time gives us an opportunity to grow. Its up to you to use it well. I urge you to open your arms to the flow of time rather than fearing or ignoring it. Being mindful of time lets you reclaim it by being proactive in your choices.

The average sixty-year-old has lived for about 2.2 billion seconds. Every moment weve been given is holy: the pain, the bliss, and all that lies between. Framing time this way helps you experience the wonder of life, whether youre folding laundry or meditating on a Himalayan mountaintop. It also allows you to be discerning about who you spend time with so that you can choose nurturing relationships.

The ancient Greeks had two concepts of time Chronos and Kairos which can help you wisely channel your sensitivities. Chronos is clock time, which is measured in seconds, minutes, months, and years. This is the material realm of to-do lists, deadlines, nine-to-five jobs, and social obligations that can feel overwhelming if you dont have skills to override stress. But Chronos is also a place of amazement, beauty, and fun if you manage your schedule well and create room for those incredible experiences.

In contrast, Kairos is sacred time, a nonlinear awareness that is an empaths truer home. It is the infinite realm of the soul, the zone of divine timing where everything happens in perfect order. You can reach this state through intuition, meditation, silence, observing synchronicities, and other practices Ill offer. Thriving as an Empath will help you balance your time-bound and timeless selves so youre not cornered by the clock.

TIME, NATURE, AND CYCLES OF LIGHT

A secret to making the most of each moment is to be aware of the phases of nature and cycles of light. This will increase your energy and connect you with the pulse of life. The following four strategies, which I highlight in this book, will help:

Experience the power of the seasons

Note the solstices and equinoxes

Observe the phases of the moon

Tap into the elements

Experience the Power of the Seasons

The seasons are markers and containers for our lives. They influence weather and crops but also your mood and vitality. You may feel happier and more energized during one time of year than another. Some empaths may experience seasonal affective disorder, a depression related to reduced light, for which I offer self-care practices. Noticing your responses to seasonal changes connects you to the rhythms of your body and the Earth. This more powerfully aligns you with your own needs.

Each season has unique changes and patterns of light and dark that affect your body. For instance, during winter, when the Earths axis tilts away from the sun, it is darker and colder, with turbulent weather in many locations. So we may instinctively take refuge in our homes and our inner lives. During summer, when the Earths axis tilts toward the sun, the days are longer and warmer, and were more outer-oriented.

In the spirit of welcoming and attuning to the seasons, this book is divided into four parts, each of which focuses on the unique qualities of each season starting in midwinter on :

Winter: Going Inward, Sensing Truth

Spring: Rebirth, Growth, and Rejuvenation

Summer: Passion, Play, and Abundance

Autumn: Harvest, Change, and Letting Go

Whats amazing about these cycles is that rebirth always follows darker periods. Nothing stays the same. Though the seasons arent as dramatic in some places, having less or more daylight can affect your mood, energy, and schedule. Being aware of seasonal changes (even here in California where they are subtler) grounds you and lets you flow more effortlessly each day.

Sometimes, your bodys rhythms may conflict with the reality of your schedule. For example, during winter, your body may say, Slow down, but holiday commitments increase your stress and activities. At those points of tension, the practices in this book, including boundary setting, will support you in replenishing yourself more quickly.

Note the Solstices and Equinoxes

The solstices and equinoxes arent just ordinary days. They are special times for you to recharge and find balance. On each solstice and equinox, Ill offer a meditation for you to experience this vital energy. The winter solstice, the shortest day of the year, is a perfect point to be quiet and ignite your inner flame. The summer solstice, the longest day of the year, is your opportunity to take in this abundance of light. During the spring and fall equinoxes, when day and night are equal length, you can draw on this balance in nature to enhance your own emotional, spiritual, and physical balance.