Tracey Cleantis - The Next Happy: Let Go of the Life You Planned and Find a New Way Forward

The Next Happy

A bold, brave, and incredibly relevant book.

Lee Woodruff, New York Times best-selling author of Perfectly Imperfect: A Life in Progress, with her husband, Bob Woodruff, and CBS This Morning contributor

Tracey delivers a much needed injection of nuance and reality into the otherwise overly cheerful conversation about following dreams. Youll be happier if you read this book!

Cal Newport, author of So Good They Cant Ignore You

The Next Happy is like the friend you call when your car is stuck in a ditch on a journey you never expected to take. From the moment you open this book, youll begin to feel unstuck, and by the end, youll find yourself moving forward in the right direction, toward your new happiness.

Melanie Notkin, best-selling author of Savvy Auntie and Otherhood: Modern Women Finding a New Kind of Happiness

In a world where we have been taught to chase our dreams no matter what, The Next Happy will gently tap you on the shoulder, turn you around, and take you in a whole new and more joyful direction. Author Tracey Cleantis is generous, wise, and compassionate. When it comes to self-help books on finding happiness, The Next Happy is truly a game changer.

Jamie Cat Callan, author of Bonjour, Happiness!

Knowing when to give up on a dreamand knowing how to do itis a skill that could save us all from years of agony. If your dream is costing you too much, The Next Happy could be the thing to save you.

Jennie Nash, book coach and author of The Writers Guide to Agony and Defeat and The Victorias Secret Catalog Never Stops Coming: And Other Lessons I Learned from Breast Cancer

Hazelden Publishing

Center City, Minnesota 55012

hazelden.org/bookstore

2015 by Tracey Cleantis

All rights reserved. Published 2015.

No part of this publication, either print or electronic, may be reproduced in any form or by any means without the express written permission of the publisher. Failure to comply with these terms may expose you to legal action and damages for copyright infringement.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Cleantis, Tracey, 1965-

The next happy : let go of the life you planned and find a new way forward /

Tracey Cleantis.

pages cm

ISBN 978-1-61649-576-3 (ebook)

1. Happiness. 2. Self-realization. 3. Success. I. Title.

BF575.H27.C58 2015

158.1dc23

2014046630

Editors note

Some names and details have been changed to protect the privacy of those mentioned in this publication. In some cases, composites have been created.

This publication is not intended as a substitute for the advice of health care professionals.

18 17 16 15 1 2 3 4 5 6

Cover design: Terri Kinne

Dedication

To Karen Cohen, who made me see myself differently while standing in line at McDonalds and ever after.

To Wendy West Brenninkmeijer for pushing me to do the scary things, like a fierce, caffeinated, insistent mother bear.

And to Keith Dwyer for laughing wildly at my self-imposed limitations. Seeing, pushing, laughing, and loving made all the difference.

Contents

I n this country, most of us are reared under the high-flying banner of the American dream. From the moment we are born, we are told to Go for it, Never stop believing, Dream big, and Never give up. Our teachers are Disney movies, sports heroes, plucky characters from popular literature, and well-meaning adults who relentlessly cheer us on, promising that if we work hard enough and try hard enough, we will succeed. They never have to say out loud that failure is not an option, that failure is a weakness. We get that message loud and clear.

So what happens if going after the dream isnt going to lead to happiness? What if pursuing a dream at all costs is precisely the unhealthiest thing we could do for our soul? You are about to find out in the pages of this very timely and incredibly relevant book.

The bold and not-as-popular position that Tracey Cleantis takes in The Next Happy is exactly what many of us need to hear when we bump up against the truth about real life: that not being able to attain exactly what we want is simply part of the human condition. There are times in life when we must learn how to accept this, to grieve it, to sit with disappointment, and to move through it. The Next Happy gives us a road map for how to accomplish this difficult and necessary work, step-by-step.

Yes, going full throttle ahead can sometimes bring the happiness were seeking, but at other times, the best way forward is to stop trying, to stop striving for the unattainable. How freeing to know that what lies just beyond giving up may be your next happy. A bold, brave, and incredibly relevant book.

Lee Woodruff,

New York Times best-selling author of Perfectly Imperfect: A Life in Progress, with her husband, Bob Woodruff, and CBS This Morning contributor

T hanks to Keith Dwyer, my life mate, for entering into the agreement after lunch at Juliennes in San Marino. That agreement made this book possible. Thanks to Jennie Nash, my book coach, for her boundless encouragement and for being the kind of cheerleader who makes you think you can do anything and then gives you the infrastructure to show you that she was right; thanks to Wendy West, my dear friend, for pushing me to go to Harvards CME Writing Conference and insisting that I pitch to everyone in the room; thanks to my incredible agent, Don Fehr, for making my publishing dreams come true; thanks to Sid Farrar, my editor, for his warm and gentle edits and easy can-do confidence and encouragement, which made what had seemed like mountains transform into something much more like molehills; thanks to Lee Woodruff for being an incredible role model of surviving difficult things and for her generous foreword; thanks to all the people who generously shared their stories with me (their names were changed to protect their privacy) and to Lisa Manresa and Stephanie Baffone for their enormous generosity of spirit and real and meaningful involvementI cant imagine this book without you.